Although I was born and raised in England, I spent large portions of my life in Ireland. My parents moved there and built a house when they retired so that’s where I go to visit my Dad these days.
My Dad has always been somewhat deaf but it’s worsened with age to the point where he now can’t hear at all. It’s quite hilarious as he thinks I now talk with an American accent (I don’t!!) My brother told him I sounded American as a joke and he believed him. I can’t disillusion him because he thinks it’s great! He always says “You do the talking” when we go places as “The Irish love Yanks!”
Sadly, as his deafness increased so did his volume and he could now go into battle with the foghorn on a cross channel ferry and win! Let’s just say subtlety isn’t his strong point..
While I was visiting in May last year we took a run to the Cliffs of Moher in County Clare. It’s absolutely amazing. Staggeringly stark beauty. If it doesn’t take your breath away well, there’s something wrong with you!
I’d nipped in to the loo and when I came out Dad was browsing in the gift shop. That man is definitely in touch with his feminine side, he bloody loves gift shops! I was having a grand old time looking at a load of guff to take home to everyone when he came over, almost crying he was laughing so hard. He’d found this replica number plate..
..and was adamant I had to buy it for Fartichoke! I knew my son would love it so I trotted off merrily to pay for my haul. Once we were outside again he wanted to take a pic of me holding the number plate up under the Cliffs of Moher sign.
Always keen to make a complete donkeys arse of myself, I readily obliged. There were two women watching and laughing. Americans – and they asked where I got my number plate so I told them. They thought it was “a hoot” so I told them it was for my son who lived in NC.
One of them looked at me like I was dog poop and said “Oh I don’t think I’d tell anyone I had family THERE”
This kind of really pissed me off but I didn’t want my Dad to twig it was getting nasty. I smiled sweetly and said “You ladies sound like you’re from New York” (They sounded as common as muck actually but one had an NY key ring hanging off her bag.)
She said “Oh you have a good ear” so I said – still smiling – sweetly – “No, not really, every judgemental spineless bitch I’ve ever met comes from there so it was an easy guess”
Disclaimer: I do NOT think this. I currently live in Upstate NY myself – but I wanted to piss them off.
They shut up pretty quickly when they realized I would give as good as I got. Dad said – at the top of his voice “I was surprised you talked to them. They looked like a couple of right old bitchy hoooores” (Irish pronunciation of whore – sounds like sure)
I just about died on the spot of trying not to laugh while he merrily carried on at full foghorn volume..”I said hoooore not whore so they wouldn’t understand, I thought it would be better to be discreet”
Everyone around was literally howling with laughter and he was stood there like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, all pleased with himself for his tact and diplomacy!
Be warned, I intend to age in EXACTLY the same manner – whether I’m deaf or not!! I’ve been practicing since I turned 18!
Love this!!!!
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This is great. British accents are awesome “I nipped in to the loo” sounds so classy with that accent. I’d sound like an idiot hahaha
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It’s completely KNACKERED my prank phone call career though because everyone knows it’s me! On the other hand, asking cold callers in the US why they’re phoning me in England never fails to amuse me!
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Oooffff as a former cold caller you’d have me shooketh
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That was pure gold.
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Americans make so many statements about other states!! As someone who isn’t American, it is very odd to me – American is American, you are slagging off your own!
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I was born and raised in England – first line of the post!
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Sorry, should have clarified- that was a general You, not a specific you 🙂 I thought it was just your son who had lived in the US?
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I wish I could gift shop with you and your dad!!!
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I wish you could too! We’d have a blast!!
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I think so!
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I think I love your Dad! Makes me really miss mine 🙂
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My dad is hilarious! I’m sorry you have to miss yours, having lost mum I’m very glad I still have my dad
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My Dad was a gent and told very bad jokes, everybody laughed, I was a groaner! 🙂
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Reblogged this on Bitchin’ in the Kitchen and commented:
Since it’s Thursday I’m sharing one of the posts from my first month of blogging!
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Discreet for sure! 😂😆 Great story! Your whole family has a great sense of humor… “American accent”.
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Where is NC? I am guessing it is either a state or a town, but my geography of the states is very foggy.
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It’s North Carolina 😊
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Hahaha, Your dad is like mine. Being partly deaf myself I wait for the days when I am yelling. The best part about it is you know you are doing it 😀
I must say you would do ok down here!!
Thanks for resharing this past gem.
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Thank you for reading! Australia and NZ are on my bucket list, I just need a spider whisperer to keep the grotesque things away!
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Hahaha they are rare
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I almost cried laughing at a friend who was truly terrified at stories of drop bears! It wasn’t even me that told her.
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They are the least of your worries. Piss off a kangaroo or emu and you better hope you can run lol.
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Oh I’ve already pissed off an emu.. it ate my goldfish!
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Hahaha funniest thing I have heard all day
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So awesome lol. My grandfather was like your dad. No tact. No discretion. No volume control.
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And no….thing but good times huh?! 😊
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Totally! No matter what he was the best.
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Fantastic. I am very much against this geographical snobbishness that some people have….But then I would be coming from Essex. 😉
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Oh I get it. I detest when people – especially Americans – talk to me in a bad fake cockney accent. I’m not a cockney, nor a Scouser, Geordie, Cornish or any other regional variation – I think lots of people are deaf(and stupid!)
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So that’s where you get your spunk from! Wonderful repost!
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I’m concentrated trouble on both sides!
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