I absolutely love cold sales/scam calls. I can mess with their heads for hours. I thought I must be blacklisted because I haven’t had one in ages but there was a computer dialer at the end of the rainbow and last night ended my dry spell.
I got a call from someone overseas – you could tell by the poor English and the scripted conversation.
“Hi this is David (wouldn’t you *@%#ing know it) I set you up with anti virus a few months ago do you remember?”
BAM!!! I’m in!!
“David? I thought your name was Peter”
“Yes, I’m David Peter”
Smooth – I’ll give him that. One more little check..
“So you’re from ‘theres-always-one.com’ ?”
“Yes!! You have a good memory!!”
No twat – but when you call anyone else and say where you’re from there’s a bloody good chance they’ll know you’re a lying scammer!!
So he carries on. “I just wanted to check and see how you’re getting on. I can log into your computer remotely and check its all good from here. Are you online?”
So I said no, I’d left my charger at work and my lap top was dead so he said he’d call back today….
So no surprises really. Dumvid called me back just a short while ago.
“Hi this is David, I’m calling you back about your computer”
“Oh lovely!! I’m so glad – I don’t really understand all that tinternetty stuff”
“That’s okay I can help – I just need your credit card number so I can access the software” REALLY DICKHEAD?!! I might have been born at night but it wasn’t last night!!
So I made up a CC number. I can’t remember all of it but 8675309 was in there lol (and you’re welcome for that little ear worm!!) I made up a CVV # and expiry date too and, surprise, surprise – it didn’t work.
He asked me to check the number and I said “oh no, I know it’s right. It was given to me by the FBI”
I went on to say “My country and your country are collaborating on cracking down online fraud. After you called yesterday I had the FBI put a trace on my line. The number I gave you is a reverse worm that is automatically clearing the account you are connected to and that money is being used to prosecute online scammers. They know exactly where you are so expect a visit any minute.. ”
Then he hung up on me! He went to change his trousers I expect!
Just call me MOAB 😇
So much LOVE for this
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Hahaha too funny!!
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You are hilarious!!!😂 just what I needed!
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Hahaha! 😁😁😁you are so much fun. He deserved it. You remind me of my dad, he used to love messing with their heads as well. You are an evil genius and I adore it!
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I hate those scammers. My poor father in law was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and they absolutely preyed on him. I sincerely hope those scamming filth all get cancer (and I don’t care how bad I sound)
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This is exactly the thing that pisses me off too, so many unwitting victims (esp the elderly). It is such a violation of the vulnerable.
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I fixed them good. I think to this day they think they were cursed by an Irish witch! I set his cell phone to no incoming calls too and filtered all emails from unknown senders into a junk folder so that pretty much fixed the problem without taking his dignity away
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They do prey on those most vulnerable. I am so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. That is awful. Your frightfully witty tongue is doing the world an enormous favour!
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THIS. This is why I hate those people, I had a family member in a similar situation get prayed on as well (“preyed” is 100% the correct word BTW). Those people are scum.
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I’m dying 😂😂😂😂 well done!
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You should do that for a living. Brilliant.
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Well done you!!! I loathe scammers, they are the dregs of society.
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You are one of the feistiest females I know!
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Why thank you 😊
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Love it
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Too funny 😂
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To clarify, I have learned new technique for scamming, I have learned new respect for bitching, I think who I will vote for for the next attorney general. :Love, Peace, Out
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Awwww!!
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Well done!!! LOL
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It’s good to know there are good citizens out there, out-scamming the scammers. Those monsters deserve it
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Well done! Hahaha 😄
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This is you at your absolute best! Thanks for using your wit to give these creeps a bit of payback. I’ve seen that scam at work on a kind old gent. It’s terrible.
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Yes they’re vile – I love upsetting them 😊
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Damn I love your wit!! And now I can’t stop singing 8675309!! I used to page my chief resident to that number all the time. But when it shows up 867-5309 it catches you off guard. He would get mad that the number wasn’t working (me giggling the whole time) I’d ask “what’s the number?” As soon as he started saying it, he got it. Fell for it every time!
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It’s a favourite prank of mine too!! 😂 Never gets old LOL
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I’m borrowing it, if you don’t mind.
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I’d be proud 😊
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That’s legendary. I wish I was at his level of sass. You are my hero.
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haha!!! never stop I love it! thanks for the laugh!
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When they call me to say I’ve been in an accident, I tell them that I died and they’re taking to a dead person who’s going to haunt them forever!
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🤩
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Hilarious! Why can I never think of clever things like this to say when I am on the spot? I just hang up! 🙂
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I have a mouth with a death wish lol
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That was priceless!
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😂😂😂😂😂 my husband does that and messes with their heads so much! Hahaha stuff like this cracks me up !
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😂😂😂😂 so so funny I really liked reading this 😂
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Thank you 😊
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This is awesome! My dad would do something similar to telemarketers. He would have a whole conversation with them and then try to sell them something.
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I’ve done that one too!! I am a real pita with telemarketers – I honestly think I’m black listed now!
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Excellent. Can I put my calls through to you? 😉
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Absolutely!!
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Ha ha that was epic!
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Lol fantastic !
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Thank you 😊
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Oh I am SO using this next time I get a call…I do wish I could just transfer the calls your way though…and thanks…you just put a great song in my head for the rest of the day. You are AWESOME!
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Glad you laughed – that’s made my day 😊
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hahahahahahahhahahaha this is straight up bitchin!!!!! I laughed more than I should and then I had to explain why I was laughing and now everyone is laughing….. What larks!!!!!!!!
~B
PS I should remember this line steals it for future reference:
” I might have been born at night but it wasn’t last night”
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So now you look like the town lunatic, sitting quietly then bursting out laughing for no apparent reason!
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In the spirit of this lunacy, I just got a phone call from the bank asking me to verify my mobile phone banking transaction
I dead serious said BEEP BEEP BOOP…
you are a bad influence lmao
~B
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I’m glad to hear it 😂
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Bitchin in the Kitchen – That was GOLD!!! I discovered your blog this morning and now spent my whole morning bingeing on your posts…Love your Blog!! I have shared this one on my site for my Friday Follows Post…Thanks for the laughs!! Keep up the entertaining writing….
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Thank you so much! Hearing you enjoyed it and got s laugh out of it made my day 😊
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