I’ve noticed a lot of us are in a bit of a funk at the moment. Frankly, I’m not surprised. Mother Nature is being a bit of a grotbag at the moment and it feels like Spring/Summer will NEVER get here.
What we need are some coping therapies. Happy thoughts and moments that will stop us contemplating choking the snot out of the next person that really deserves it. (Yes that does mean YOU. Bearded Wonder looking at mouthwash in Aisle Seven. If you clear your throat like that again I’m going to give you the heimlich with an axe)
I’m up to here with anything that involves removal of clothes. I am not wearing less than three pairs of drawers, tights, leggings and jeans until the thermostat says it’s 75F or above. Hell, my cardi isn’t coming off until it hits 80F!
No Gym, No Yoga, No Running (whatever that is)
We need happy. We need gentle exercise. We need Choga!!
“Choga?” I hear you say “Never heard of it” Well my friend that’s not surprising since I just made it up. Demand creates Supply or something like that. Anyway, if Jane Fonda and all those other skinny bitches can have their own exercise regimes well, so can I!
Choga is the ancient (fifteen minutes old) art of combining contemplation and stretching with a vegetable based diet.
You will need to be wearing comfy clothes, pj’s are ideal.
You will need some additional materials but if you read through the program you’ll be ready to make the necessary purchases. Your happiness and fulfillment are only a couple of paragraphs away!
First assume the “RECLINE” pose. Preferably on a sofa but a La-Z-Boy will do.
Open the media of your choice. TV, book, music – the aim is hedonism!
Once your media is established we can move to phase two.
Open your family size bar of chocolate. (Yes I know I said vegetable based. Chocolate comes from cocoa beans. Beans are counted as vegetables. It’s called working with what you have!)
If you are an advanced practitioner you may find a bar with nuts as well is beneficial due to the extra serotonin from nuts. (NO Amelia. NOT the hairy kind!)
Commence the downward Chog. This involves tilting your head and lowering a big chunk of chocolate rapidly into your mouth. Don’t forget to masticate (AMELIA NOOOOOOO!!!)
Repeat this exercise as many times as possible. Dedicated practitioners find they can exceed one family size bar and progress to a second. Please don’t expect those kind of results on your first session. Definitely something to aspire to though!
Rehydration is a very important part of any exercise regime. Chardonnay or Merlot work well in conjunction with Choga. As do Rum Runners. I’m particularly fond of these as they’re an exercise in themselves (that runner bit has to count obviously)
Once your session is over you will need to replace those calories you have burned.
A gentle amble to the fridge door for take out menus provides both dinner and gentle wind down exercise after your strenuous afternoon. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I hope this helps remove the winter blues 😊
Grotbag and choga are my new favorite words.
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LOL – whoever knew I’d be a fountain of wisdom one day?!
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Ah ha ha ha ha! Wicked funny!
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Thank you! It’s so dreary here SOMETHING had to be done!!
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I’m in court today, there’s rarely a dull moment.
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Having worked in the Prison Service in the U.K. and liaised with both cops, probation etc I don’t doubt that for a minute!
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This is pure perfection. I choked on a yellow jelly bean at the “not the hairy kind” comment. Oh dear! Thank you so much for the boost and creativity you exhume!!
Definitely adding this to my workout regime but I’ll have to start slow at once a month!! I’ll work up from there 😂❤️
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You were my inspiration for this post, I think we all need a little giggle when it’s so flippin’ grismal outside 😊
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I’m literally beaming right now because that just makes my day. I’m glad I could inspire you to make such a hilarious and fantastic post! Do you mind if I share it on my Facebook when I figure out how to do that?!
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I would be thrilled!!
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I actually thought about you when I saw this post and wondered if you had seen it! Turns out, you were the inspiration behind it. 😀
Britchy one – This post is definitely much needed for people with seasonal blues! Thank you for posting this!:)
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Saving this link for sure! I go through Seasonal Blues and it is hard to get through the funk for sure. I loved your reasoning about how chocolate is really a vegetable!:D
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Holy shit, I’m dying. This is hysterical 😂😂😂 Yes! Hydrate with Chardonnay!
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Pinot Grigio is acceptable too! Or a nice Rhiesling 🥂
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Champagne!!! That is always guaranteed to perked me right up. 😄
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Oh now we’re talking!
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I’m right there with you.
The link you made between chocolate and vegetables is genius.
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Choga!!! OMG I am so down with that!!
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It should be a Winter Olympics event – I could take that training seriously!
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I’m telling ya that is an exercise DVD in the making. I would totally buy it. I also support anything that gets bloody Davina McCall off the box once and for all. You could be sponsored by different brands and become a millionaire!
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To be really effective we’d need a class – I’m sure all these lovely people would take a class with us!!
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I am IN! Choga is my new exercise of choice!
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Oh! I’m gonna be a virtual Chogi!
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Instead of Namaste we can have Nainamo… BARS!
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Reblogged this on All The Shoes I Wear.
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Can you please make a demonstration video??? That’s the only thing that would make me laugh harder than your post just did!!
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I think we need class members – I’ll put your name down for intravenous – I mean intermediate!!
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Hahaha
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So would it be based on how fast I can put away a chocolate bar or how many??
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Either – you set your pace!
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Hahah I loved this post, great inspiration 😂💜
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Thank you 😊
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lol, just going into to chocolate season now. You always make me smile with your writing.
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Thank you 😊
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Excellent advise, I believe this will be a regular part of my fitness routine!!
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That’s …naturally smart!!
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I am absolutely loving your posts!! Your wit and wisdom speaks to my soul.
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Thank you!!
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Wow. Loved the idea of Choga with wine or rum. Very inspirational.
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I’m happy to be of service!!
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