Liebster Schweebster

I was nominated by that bloke, fella-meladdo Guy Called Bloke for a Liebster. As we all know, Liebster doesn’t mean give the cranky britch sweeties… but it bloody well SHOULD!! I’d like to express my disgust and outrage at this travesty of needless confectionary withdrawal and put in a request for fruit salads and black jacks. #greedylivesmatter

That fine figure of XY Chromosones gave me eleven questions to answer. Why eleven? Who the heck knows? Be glad it wasn’t thirteen or the first one to leave the table would snuff it a la Agatha Christie.

My 11 Questions to answer.

When wearing socks, which foot do you dress first? Hmm.. this is hard. I’m five feet and one inch tall. There’s twelve inches in a foot. A ruler is twelve inches long. The rule is always right – so I’m choosing left. Only dead fish swim with the stream.

If we count sheep to fall asleep, what do they count? How many little Bo Peeps it takes to give Little Boy Blue his horn…

Why do we HAVE to keep up with the Joneses? Because the rotten buggers stole my telly!!

What is the ‘secret of success?’ Sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.

What would be better than the fountain of youth? The spring of good health.

How much do you exercise and does it help? I jump to conclusions, run my mouth, trip over my tongue, lift weights trying to pry my eyelids open in the mornings and I do it all faster with coffee!!

Why do they say ‘drown your sorrows’ – what happens if they can swim? Drown the little buggers harder! Pass the Piña Coladas!!

How do we truly know that the world we live in is the real one and that we are NOT just the finger tip of some giant? It wouldn’t really change anything would it? If we’re “real” or a speck of dirt under a fingernail well, it’s real to us so that’s good enough!

If you had one week left of life as we know it, how would you live it? I’d get all my friends together, laugh, eat, have a lot of fun and go out on a tsunami of love and goodwill.

Jolly Green Giant and the Big Friendly Giant are fighting over beans, who is going to win ..

… and why? Obviously the BFG. The Jolly Green Giant is green and the best kind of beans, baked beans, are orange. Also beans make you fart and the BFG is famous for his bottie cannon. Also, since, as previously stated, the Jolly Green Giant is green… kids don’t like green beans. In my experience the only green things they eat are bogies which maybe corny – but corn.. well.. that’s what the JGG is famous for! Pester power wins the day, kids choose baked beans, the trophy goes to the BFG. Case closed.