Kids Say The Darnedest Things!!

~ the britchy one

Kids have such a lovely way of both surprising and shaming us at the same time don’t they?!

When mine were little, I was waiting at the school gates, as you do! My 6 year old daughter (at the time) arrived but I still had to wait for my son. At the top of her voice – because that’s what kids do – she said “Mummy. I know what sex is”
Everyone around us stopped talking. Birds stopped chirping. Cars stalled. Dogs stopped peeing on lamp posts.. all waiting to see what I’d do.

No pressure..
I eventually asked in a strangled voice – trying to buy time “Oh? What’s that then?”
“Sex is where Grandma lives” My mother lived in Sussex.

Heart failure and Social Services averted for another day!!

This is the same kid who was sat watching TV with her brother another day. I was half reading, half keeping an eye on them as they fought like cat and dog. There’s not quite eleven months between them and it utterly crucifies her that they are the same age for a few weeks every year!! (Yes I know – I don’t know what I was thinking either!!)

These two horrors only had two great grandparents left on the ex’s side. The ex’s mums dad and dad’s mum were both still alive – trying saying THAT when under the affluence of incahol!!

Fartichoke, was staring beyond the TV in his own little world and piped up with “I think Great Gran and Great Grandad should get married so they’ll have someone to talk to”

Princess PITA looked at him in that ‘lower than the belly of a worm’ way that only older sisters can do, let out a long-suffering sigh and exclaimed “Don’t be stupid. Great Grandad eats meat and Great Gran is a VAGINA”

We do go back to places a second time – if only to apologise!

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

43 thoughts on “Kids Say The Darnedest Things!!”

  1. roll on the floor laughter….oh my goodness…i got a chuckle from that…my daughter once when little stopped time when she yelled out in a department store “there is kermit the f**K…she couldn’t say Frog….hahahaha kids like to keep us in our place..

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  5. Oh my goodness that is absolutely hilarious!! Go you for having two so close together and surviving motherhood!! I feel like I’m going crazy with just one toddler lol. I love hearing the things kids say. It’s great!
    My almost 2 year old is just barely starting to talk but has had some gems. Yesterday I told her to stop acting like butt at dinner and she stops, gets dead serious, and says plain as day “just stop Mom”. I barely made it without laughing so hard I’d cry. Ah children. ❤️

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  6. One of the true joys of parenting is hearing the words and perspective on life that comes out of those tiny mouths. The other is when you have survived their toddler and preschool days and are in prime position to embarrass the hell out of them!!!

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  11. Oh my goodness I think I would die if any of my (not yet born) children did that to me in public, that is soooo funny though!! Ah thank you for writing this, it’s a nice insight for what my husband and I have to look forward to when we decide to ‘make’ a family.

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  13. Sexcellent! Kids what would we do without them! Reminds me of the time when my Sister was 4 and she went through a phase of playing with her belly button. One day my Mother stopped her in her tracks and said – if you keep poking your belly button young lady you will fizzle away like a balloon!!

    My Sister looked absolutely horrified!! Suddenly she ran off away into the house to return with her finger still poking her belly button.

    “What did l just say to you?”
    “Oh no Mummy, me no fly away, lookee what l done!” Taking her finger away to reveal a plaster covering her belly button!!

    Anyway, l digressed due to your Britchy mirthdom!

    You know why l am here, oh yes you do!!

    Here we go …. https://aguycalledbloke.blog/2018/05/08/mystery-blogger-award-nomination-3/

    Enjoy 🙂

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  17. Hahahahaha. Awesome! You always make me laugh so much. So my story, I was 15 and had a girlfriend over. My little brother was 11. My friend and I walked through the living room to the kitchen and my brother, sitting alone, says “blow job!” We stopped and I asked “what did you say??” “Blow job”. So I asked “why are you saying that?” My friend was on the verge of being highly offended. He answers “I farted. It’s a blow job”. We went to my mom to tell her that she or dad needed to have a talk with him.

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  19. So funny! Can’t wait until my little one talks more…or can I? She is currently waking up every morning and yelling her favorite word BALLS… I’m hoping it will stop there.

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  23. LOL! It’s both embarrassing and amusing what kids can say and think. One of my little brothers once didn’t want me to have a shower before him because “you take long in the shower. I go slow” (his words).
    One time him and an even younger brother were playing What’s the Time, Mr Wolf? out the back. The one who said the thing about the shower became dizzy. When we asked what happened, the younger one said, “All I said was ‘Dinnertime!'” We were in stitches after that.
    And I won’t mention how my Mum thought babies were conceived when she was little…

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