….And that was just the therapist.
Ever had one of those days where your mouth is ten steps ahead of your common sense?
All.The.Flippin.Time
I was at the physical therapists yesterday. I wasn’t looking forward to it, I’d had a bad night and couldn’t sleep with pain so whilst I started off smiley and polite.. yeah – it didn’t last long!
Especially not when my appointment time was 7am. No good comes from a day that starts with a PT appointment at 7am. Now you know.
I got to the reception to be greeted by the blinding white teeth of Pamela Permatan. I don’t know how she held her head up with the amount of make up she had on but I envied her neck muscles! I barely sat down before Maximilian Metro-Sexual minced through to get me.
First we had to sit and go through my family medical history back as far as the Pharoahs. Just as a recap, I was there because I’ve stuffed my neck. I get how headaches are relevant and osteoporosis etc but some of the other stuff? I’m a female. This maybe a surprise to some of you but hey ho, here we are! Please explain the relevance of my families history of prostate cancer? Breathing disorders? Diabetes?
Or breast cancer for that matter! When we got to that one I did lose patience – the interrogation was numbing my will to live. I told ol’ Maxi Pad to keep his mitts off my lady lumps or he’d be known as ‘high pitch’ for the rest of his life. We left medical history behind and proceeded to the next level. Range of Motion.
So I’m following the green cross code, ‘Look left’ ‘look right’ ‘look left’ again. ‘Stand up’ ‘sit down’
‘Heil Hitler’… he honest-to-dog said that. I honest-to-dog said WTF?!
In my case it was more like Heil Beagle because, like I told him, I can’t lift my flipping arms up!
So we start with the actual touchy feely stuff where he was holding my neck, shoulder blades, shoulder joints etc while I did what I was told.
So he had hold of my arm and shoulder and without warning, moved them in opposite directions. Then he asked probably the stupidest question of all time..
“Does this hurt?”
You’ve just twisted someone’s arm so badly they have tears running down their face and you need to ask that?
With my temper rising, I peeled my lips back like a Jack Russell with distemper and snarled through gritted teeth – ‘Will it hurt when I twist your bollocks into a pretzel, asshole?’
He obviously didn’t learn from my previous comments. He will though! I have another appointment tomorrow and I’m wearing heels. One wrong move and he loses toes when I accidentally-on-purpose spike them!
You’re always a treat, Britchy! I’m grateful to have graduated to self-directed home PT; having to go to their office twice a week was highly inconvenient. Hey, check out my blog; I posted part 4 of Steve’s Story today!
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Boy, remind me not to get on your bad side. Luckily, you appear to have mostly good sides.
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Oh I love it when you’re all naive and trusting 😂
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Oh my it sounds like it was quite the experience for you both! I hope he learns better for tomorrow’s adventure!! (Also that you’re pain free sooner than later!!.
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Me too! It’s taken me to the point of struggling with everything to go because I truly hate going to the doctor!!
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I know exactly how you feel! I hold off on everything in hopes it just goes away. Doctor visits are miserable!
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😂🤣😂 you are a legend! I love the way you spin your insults. Genius. You wonderful gal! I honestly don’t know whether I would cower under your might or love you to pieces if I were to meet you. I imagine, a healthy slice of both. Keep being you, for the strength of all womankind!
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We’d go arm in arm to rule the world!!
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That sounds like a splendid idea. Can I yield a frying pan please? That sounds terrific. I will wear it on my head and use it to whack the moles and cook eggs.
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Absolutely. You can have a rusty spatula to stab zombies with too
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Ooh yey! Every gal’s dream. We certainly will be a force to be reckoned with! Perhaps you could wear one of those blow up t-rex costumes to frighten the meat-eaters. Between us, we have any post-apocalyptic scenario covered!
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another tear jerker (of laughter of course). The title reminds me of a cartoon joke I saw once. There was a hospital nurse holding a steaming kettle and a man in hospital gown screaming and clutching his groin. The Sister was speaking to the Nurse “No Nurse, I said to PRICK HIS BOIL”. 😉
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Hahahahaha!!! 😂😂😂
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Thought you’d like that 😉
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OMG, that sounds like an interesting manoeuvre arm one way and shoulder the other!!!! are you a contortionist? I think he would need a ‘manhood’ cover when you go next haha. It’s amazing what questions they ask you especially if they don’t actually go with what you have gone in for. Waiting to hear what happens at your next session
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Haha this gave me a chuckle on this freezing morning. All the things I wish I could say!
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Honestly they must KNOW they’re hurting you! Jeez!!
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I blame it on the government. The doctor’s (or in this case therapist’s) reimbursement depends on a whole bunch of things. In the age of everyone having a million different issues (sometimes mental), which are sometimes discovered too late, the doctors HAVE to ask you a million unrelated things. Doctors have to show “they care”, because there are random inspections going on, making sure that EVERYTHING is recorded. Regardless of specialty. It’s ridiculous. I know.
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I agree, I’ve seen too many stories of a person saving someone’s life only to be sued by them for some perceived outrage after the fact. The irony that they are alive and able to sue because of the defendants goodness never fails to gobsmack me
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PT sucks.. hope it goes better for you.
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Take a spare pair of shoes to your next appointment in case your heels get lodged somewhere where the sun doesn’t shine!
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Good idea!!
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😂😂😂😂😂
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For his sake, I hope he learned!
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He did! We just had lasers today and tens machines.
I don’t think he really appreciated me calling him Kim or Dr Evil but it didn’t stop me!
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good boy! and you go, girl! 🙂
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You skill with the written word is phenomenal!! Such talent!! Always a pleasure to read about your mis/adventures😁
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Thank you so much!! That’s so encouraging – now I just need to go and act up so I can write about it!!
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ughh..I still have two giant bruises from my last physio session
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How long until the therapist will be able to eat solid food again?!
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She can have only fluids for a while , haha
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Perfect picture for this post! Sadistic wankers!
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“…back as far as the Pharaohs.” Oh, lady. You are killing it. LOVE this!
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Thank you!! 😊
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Poor guy… I have empathy for him as I am a dentist and not everyone’s favourite person. He is there to help after all…
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Hope you’re feeling better
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Thank you 😊
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