Her? Oh She’s All Fur Hat and No Knickers… And Marmite.

~ the britchy one

At some point in our lives we’re all going to have one of ‘those’ friends. The ‘keeping up appearances’ type. Shallow as a puddle in the Sahara. The sort for whom image is everything. I don’t know if they are really insecure or totally oblivious but the fact remains, which ever it is they’re BLOODY ANNOYING!!

Today’s escapade is about a run in with one such ‘friend’. Magotty Milly. She was no friend at all. She was in fact, merely a co-worker.

Another girl at work, Dumbelina and I were much better friends. She was as lovely girl but as thick as two short planks. Naive too and she couldn’t see through Maggotty Millie.

Maggots Millie didn’t really care who she trod on in her quest for recognition. She was t averse to claiming someone else’s work as her own, neither was she one to do her fair share in projects but boy was she there front and center when the accolades were being handed out. In case you haven’t guessed, I detested her. (Yes I know, I’m very good at hiding my feelings, it’s a trial *smirk*)

She really screwed up badly one time. Being lazy, she fudged data and instead of owning up when caught, she planted the blame firmly on Dumbelina instead who was demoted and moved to another department.

I was spitting horsefeathers. I was so mad I could have bitten her! I was planning several elaborate and probably deadly revenges when Divine Providence stepped in and saved me from a lengthy prison sentence and a life of crime.

Little Miss Can’tBeWrong, in an attempt at social climbing, decided it was time for a crawly-bum-lick manoeuvre and organised a ladies luncheon at her house as a fundraiser for our bosses wives favourite charity.. thus ensuring her presence. There were enough of us peons invited for her to show off in front of. I wouldn’t have gone but I’d had an idea..

I got there early in case she needed any help but as she grandly pointed out, she was having it catered. That was fine, it left me time to scheme! She was using her room for people to leave their coats in so while I was dropping my coat, I sneaked into the bathroom. Being a kind person I’d bought some toiletries for her. Anusol, Preparation H and half a tube of lube.

I’d also bought a pair of the oldest greyest, busted elastic drawers you’ve ever seen. I would have been ashamed to put them in the dustbin they were they bad!

Bad as they were, wiping them through a jar of marmite didn’t improve their appearance. Neither did dipping a large vibrator in it and leaving both sticking out from under the bed. The final touch was half a dozen prawns I’d defrosted three days previously. They were thrown behind her dressing table (oh they were ‘ripe’ too!!) – and the scene was set!

The other ladies arrived and I had a nice time chatting and mingling. Everyone left their coats in her room and came out grey faced. I’ve never seen people make excuses to leave so fast! I got in there again before the end and grabbed up almost everything and left. Sadly, the prawns had to stay because I couldn’t reach!

Naturally she was the talk of the department the following week but sadly, my part was never known – until now..

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

26 thoughts on “Her? Oh She’s All Fur Hat and No Knickers… And Marmite.”

  3. XD XD I have no words. This is amazing. She deserved that. I cannot believe there are people who would let someone else take the fall like that. You have righted the world once more, excellent Britchy! I do hope things were figured out eventually and Dumbelina was promoted again?

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      1. It is such a sad circumstance. Poor girl. I wish some people were able to stand up to themselves more. It isn’t fair that people can get away with such behaviour, and the quiet ones are always targeted.

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  4. Well done. Although, it still sucks that Dumbelina was demoted and all. Was she aware of what happened? Did someone finally tell her, or was she clueless as to what she did wrong (you did wrong heheh).

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    1. She was aware of the story and loved it but she had a mouth like a cross channel ferry foghorn.. telling her would have been faster than a front page confession! She moved to a new job a couple of months later and we lost touch

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      2. Oh no, I don’t think she ever knew about any of it except the prawns and I’ve no idea what she thought of that as it wasn’t something she’d ever discuss at work? Admit to a bad smell at home?! Never!!

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