Pie In The Sky… Or The Mysterious Case Of The Hissing Strawberries.

~ the britchy one

I took one of my Amish friends shopping on Friday.. her and her five kids under the age of seven – to Walmart and Aldi..

Yes I need my head tested

Yes I deserve a medal!!

That’s not what this saga is about though, the subject of The Amish is a whole ‘nuvver post!

When we got back to her house, she gave me two large jars of strawberry pie filling. I said thank you and with a song in my heart, joyfully went home. Well that’s not strictly true because said song was actually BLARING out the window but let’s not dwell on technicalities.

I decided to make a couple of pies with them on Saturday after taste testing the goop first. I’m aware that sounds very rude but the Amish have some very weird ideas on recipes! I have no idea where they got their reputation for being great cooks from because everything I’ve had from them has been dire.

For anyone who has bought Amish goods at a farmers market or restaurant please be aware that is made to sell – as with many ethnic cuisines, the stuff they make for the public is not what they eat themselves. Not in my experience anyway!

They make a lot of maple syrup and use it in some very strange ways. Replacing sugar with maple syrup in ham doesn’t work. It’s ghastly. It also tastes bloody AWFUL in coffee. I love maple syrup. I love coffee. They are not good together! It turns into a very strange consistency too so it actually feels as horrible as it tastes.

When I wouldn’t drink coffee I was offered tea. I don’t care what you think the definition of “herbal tea” is but oregano, basil and spearmint is not ever going to be tea no matter how you play with the percentages.

You can see why the pie filling was met with some trepidation now! Friday was a lovely day here and ‘im indoors had taken the day off. Now ‘im indoors isa funny bugger. In the winter he’ll set the heating to ‘roast’. No complaints on that from me, I’m a cold soul and I love the heat!

The opposite however, holds true in the summer. Ice cubes don’t melt in our living room and you’ll find me sat on the sofa, shivering under two blankets if I’m inside. I swear I will make medical history catching hypothermia in July in Upstate NY at this rate.

I decided I’d take myself off to the discount book store at the Outlet Mall. I love it there, it’s not somewhere I go looking for a particular author, it’s somewhere I look for books I’d never see otherwise and some of my most loved books have come from there.

As I walked through the kitchen I heard a steady hissing noise. Fearful of a gas leak, I mentioned it to ‘im indoors as I passed so he could do his ‘blue job’ and investigate. (Pink jobs are the jobs I like, blue jobs are everything else!) He was nose deep in his lap top and merely grunted but I’d told him so I thought no more of it and off I went. I had a marvellous time perusing the shelves and came out with four new books for under $20! What a bargain!

I walked into a lovely surprise when I got home. The kitchen was scrubbed from top to bottom, I’d been putting off my cleaning of the cupboard doors as my shoulders have been painful and here it was done! There was a lovely smell of strawberries and lemon too. ‘im indoors walked in, freshly showered, as I was getting a drink (coffee because my goosebumps demanded heat!) so I thanked him and asked what cleaner he’d used as it smelled lovely.

Apparently that wasn’t a good question!

The pie filling was in two quart sized pickle jars. Maybe they hadn’t been washed properly or maybe the pie filling wasn’t cooked enough or canned properly because it had started fermenting. That was the hissing I’d heard.

‘im indoors had heard a loud bang and gone out into the kitchen to see one jar exploded all over everything and the other with a bulging lid, still hissing. While he was trying to get the dogs out so they didn’t eat the blessed stuff, the other jar exploded, covering him as well. The cleaning of the kitchen was necessity rather than good hearted!

When I asked if he’d taken any photo’s.. let’s just say that also, wasn’t a good question!

As a final note, I shall be making a cheesecake today as I don’t think pie would go down very well..

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

26 thoughts on “Pie In The Sky… Or The Mysterious Case Of The Hissing Strawberries.”

      1. I would disagree, but you know you, but in the last six weeks alone, there hasn’t been one story that hasn’t made me smile or LOL. You didn’t think you would have enough for a blog, and yet you blog … see what l am getting at?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My Dad has been attending writing lessons for 15 years – yes you read that right 15 Years!!?? Has produced 3 self-published books that are mm, how do l say this without appearing rude?

        Fucking awful trite and filled with diatribe.

        He is not an author, he just loves to write, but they are not very good and there is never any real story. You however are a natural, l think if you simply sat down and pulled half a dozen stories and wrote them down, then as you write more would come to you.

        Don’t fuddle yourself up with fancy writing classes or get rich schemes, just write you and there is always an audience wanting to read.

        The real secret is finding the platform, and in today’s digital world l would say that is a darn sight easier than it was twenty years ago 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  8. I agree with that dude, guy, bloke, whatever he’s calling himself… BOOK!!! You’ve got a bunch of great stories already written, here on your blog. You could have a pranks chapter, a revenge chapter, a kitchen mishaps chapter…
    Exploding strawberries…yeah, too bad no pics! It probably looked like the scene of a grusome murder.

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      2. I like looking out the windows so I like being driven but I enjoy driving too. I can do bad things like scream when I’m driving – I think of it as vehicular cardio. It’s a public service really

        Liked by 1 person

  10. You certainly suffer more than your fair share of problems! Perhaps your Amish friend was not an Amish friend at all, and knew she has passed you a was a ticking sticky time bomb…

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