The Bathroom Bandit Strikes Again – ‘im Indoors Has Nothing To Go On.

~ the britchy one

Quelle surprise!!

Il pleut 💦💧⛈💧💦

Le foook.

..It’s probably a judgment on me so anyone in upstate NY getting saturated today – mea culpa.

Yes I’ve been a bad Britchy. After my latest prank I’m also an itchy Britchy and I feel very crawly with good reason!

Read on..

Firstly I’m going to pretend I understand this writing malarkey and I’m going to set the scene.

‘im indoors and I each have our own bathroom. The house has three so I can have mine exactly how I like and if I want to have 753 different kinds of hair products that’s allowed! No one else(‘im) has to be bothered by them and their(his) opinion is irrelevant!!

I have a horrible fear of running out of toilet paper so keep a lot in the cupboard. I buy it in great big 24 roll packs and keep it in acupboard at the top of the stairs where we can both grab it from as needed. Or so you would think.

‘im indoors has a life threatening habit of taking rolls out of MY bathroom and leaving me with none which is very stressful and annoying – especially when the thundering great lummocks has to walk PAST the bloody store cupboard to get to my bathroom as I have the one at the other end of the hall! I’ve asked nicely, snarled and all but committed bodily harm but twatman just doesn’t learn.

I have malabsorption issues so sometimes I can be quite poorly and the last couple of weeks haven’t been great for me. Looking for a spare roll that wasn’t there last Friday was the last straw.

No more Mrs Nice Britchy. I wanted vengeance and I wanted it to be BAD!!

You almost feel sorry for him don’t you?! That’s good because I don’t – he gets what he deserves!

He was doing his usual watching any old crap on tv and MIB was on. I noticed him shudder at the cockroach scene and that my friends was all it too for inspiration.

The internet is a wonderful thing. I was already considering chili infused toilet paper but decided that wasn’t enough of a sting in the tail.. if you’ll pardon the pun. I can do better than that.

So I ordered some of the most butt ugly, creepy, nasty plastic cockroaches you’ve ever seen and a talking toilet roll spindle. You can use it to record messages. The sound quality wasn’t all that great so it took several tries until I was happy.

I waited until after he went to bed and snuck in to the bathroom. Changing the toilet roll spindle and stuffing the gap between the spindle and the roll of toilet paper with cockroaches would have been a lot easier if I wasn’t shaking with laughter. I scattered the left over cockroaches behind the toilet.

Mission accomplished, I went to bed.

So apparently ‘im indoors doesn’t turn the light on either when he shuffles to the loo like a comatose zombie at 5am. The first thing he woke up to was the horrible scream from the spindle when he tugged the toilet paper. (I’m very proud of my screams) He jumped up to turn on the light and saw cockroaches EVERYWHERE! He had even managed to flick one onto himself when spinning the toilet roll! He was shrieking like a little girl and looking for raid, the cats were hiding out – I’m not quite sure where! They haven’t surfaced yet! The dogs were barking like heathens and me? I was laughing my head off!

Hopefully there will be no more hi-jackjng of toilet rolls because that little escapade is going to take some topping. I shall be going to see Princess PITA and Fartichoke in the next couple of weeks .. I’m sure they’ll enjoy jolly japes with mumsie 😂

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

58 thoughts on “The Bathroom Bandit Strikes Again – ‘im Indoors Has Nothing To Go On.”

  1. I would’ve freaked worse! Those things give me the biggest creepes and seeing a picture of them made my stomach crawl! 🤢 Shame on him though for stealing your tp… betcha he won’t ever do it again b/c he will think of those horrid creatures! In Florida they were like the air… everywhere! Here in Romania… luckily I have not seen one BUT we have “vampire” masquitos so every turf has its pest I guess?!?!

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  5. 1. Having separate bathrooms is a dream.
    2. “Will you marry me? Flush 1 time for “Yes””. Seriously? How can make it to the packaging?
    3. I’m glad I don’t live with you. I would have been dead of a heart attack, or deaf.

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  12. Pingback: The Bathroom Bandit Strikes Again – ‘im Indoors Has Nothing To Go On. — Bitchin’ in the Kitchen – A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip!

    1. Oh your poor garden! I used to say when I’m God I’ll make it rain every night between 10pm and 6am so the plants get watered but days are glorious.. pretty obviously it’s a mere male in charge right now because the rain got lost en route!! 🙄

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  17. My mom used to play pranks on her boss and leave fake roaches in his desk. After a few years, he stopped really reacting to them. Which was a mistake. One day he opened his desk drawer and, lo and behold, there was a roach there. He thought nothin of it and went for his pen, and flipped out of his chair when the thing moved! She didn’t even get to see all her hard work pay off, but it was still worth it

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    1. Oh that’s brilliant! They’re horrible, luckily I’ve never seen them here – I saw them when I was working in the prison service in England though and they were smaller than IS ones thank God but still ghastly

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      1. Yeah, I absolutely HATE roaches. I’m from Florida originally, and we’ve got some down there that are bigger than my thumb and they FLY for some ungodly reason. I still don’t understand how I ever survived that place

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  19. What a fantastic prank! I used those same plastic cockroaches on a coworker–the guy was super tall (over 7 feet) and terrified of creepy little critters, so let out that same girly scream. Haha!!

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      1. Haha!! Yes, absolutely!! Another great prank tool is something called “Liquid Ass,” which is the raunchiest and most horrendous smell in the world… had a really terrible, aggressive neighbor and spritzed a bit through her open window whenever I passed. She moved shortly thereafter. 🙂

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  20. That has to be one of the funniest things I have read. Brilliant! It bugs me too when my other half uses up his ‘whatever’ then instead of getting more of his own he starts on my things.

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