Anti Theft Shenanigans And Weeing In The Dark..

~ the britchy one

Me: “You spell light, ‘L-I-G-F-T’ don’t you?”

‘im indoors: You idiot, there’s no f in light!!!

Me: I know, I’ve just had to wee in the dark.

I am not appreciated *sigh*

It seems my methods of car theft prevention are under appreciated around these parts too.

I’m not exactly an Amazon. I’m 5’1” without heels and 108lbs. I mostly drive a Mini Cooper (because it’s stick shift and I prefer that)

I’ve got to be honest and admit I did not have the best of intentions when I bought my Mini. I was tentatively eyeing up an Audi TT as well but ‘I’m indoors overplayed his hands and said he wouldn’t mind driving that ‘sometimes’. I knew how that would go so I decided there and then I liked the Mini better! He’s 6 foot tall so he finds the Mini too low and awkward getting in and out of.

Most car burglars depend on speed and stealth. Therefore the best way to thwart them is to slow them down and make them VERY noticeable.

I think I’d have been just ducky at counter intelligence!

Before I get out of the car I like to raise the seat up, lower the steering wheel and shunt the seat as far forward as I can. I also turn the stereo up to the highest volume immediately before turning the engine off. Once the engine is off and the keys are out you can’t fiddle with the stereo, so whoever drives it next better be ready to have ear drums shattered if they aren’t quick. That is of course if they can even get in!

My piece du resistance is to let rip before I get out but that has backfired on me before!

I have a secret supplies kit in the boot too. Cling film, Lip stick, string and tin cans. Honestly no car should ever be without lipstick, you just never know when it’ll come in handy.

If I’m parking in an unknown area, I cling film a couple of windows and write on it with the lipstick. No one realises it’s cling film, they just see a car covered in profanity and look for an easier mark. I’ve also tied cans to the tow rope loop at the back and kicked them under the car. If someone steals it they’ll be clattering down the road and drawing full attention to themselves!

I think all of these are great but ‘im indoors – well he isn’t a fan. He tried to check a warning light in my Mini yesterday and couldn’t sit in until he adjusted everything. He was assailed by a fearsome stench (I really shouldn’t eat eggs and licorice on the same day) and then when he tried to turn the engine on to check the error message he nearly lost his marbles at the racket!!

It’s quite fitting really that it was the ‘bare bum’ light ‘cos he made a total arse of himself!!

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

42 thoughts on “Anti Theft Shenanigans And Weeing In The Dark..”

      1. Lol Okies! Sometimes I think they might be too crazy to be real but then I’m like “wellll ya never know!” I love that they are all true!

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      3. Haha! I’m sure it would be very entertaining to read! I have things from my past that I don’t post as well. Somethings are better left hidden deep deep away

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  2. First of all the Audii TT is crazy I wouldn’t mind it one bit at all still I have had an appreciation of the mini since I saw it being used as a getaway car in a heist movie I think, the Italian Job.

    Hilarious antihijack mechanisms you could also mess around with the rear view mirrors and leave the steering wheel shifted to the extreme end of a turn so one can’t just drive off they have to turn it back, ooooh yes and it’s stick shift you leave it in the gear position furthest from the reverse or first gear depending if the car should go forward first or reverse, and all these while trying to align steering wheel and adjust view mirrors and fiddle with stereo and the cramp cause seat is too far forward and darn steering is practically in their laps oh and they are holding their breath…. Hey are the Windows power windows imagine if you took out the fuse hahahaha and they drive of with cans making an unholy racket into the not so distant horizon I mean how far could they even go lmao
    ~B

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    1. See how easy it is to anti theft it?!
      I loved the look of the TT but it was two seats only and zero trunk space. I could have barely got a laptop bag in there never mind a carry on suitcase so totally impractical for shopping after work etc. It didn’t even handle that well so I’d have regretted it in no time. Five years on I still love my mini except for chow much it stands out. Everyone knows where I am!! I think the time has come for something a little more incognito 😎

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      1. Doesn’t that annoy you, thought? Adjusting the seat every time? I think it would drive me wild, since a car can be a great place to hide from the world. Getting in and not being comfortable right away sounds tedious.

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      2. It takes seconds. I have a Lincoln Zephyr too and that automatically slides forward and backward – that annoys the crap out of me because it’s automatic. When I do it myself manually in the Mini it’s much quicker! Also, I think a part of it is that I’m rebellious enough that i don’t like a machine deciding where I sit! I can still get in and out with the seat right forward – I can drive like that if I have to because I’m short. Anyone taller wouldn’t be comfy so it’s not midget proof!

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  6. Hahah brilliant! The “piece du resistance is to let rip before I get out” is crafty. On another note, I was tentatively considering an Audi TT (second hard) before I got my car but reading about the possible price of repairs made my eyes water. Will have to make a mental note of some of these tactics. x

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  9. Pingback: Anti Theft Shenanigans And Weeing In The Dark.. — Bitchin’ in the Kitchen – A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip!

  12. This is a riot! Eggs and licorice… 😆😂😆😂😆🙋🏼‍♀️

    Sounds like some work to keep your car safe but worth it because Minis are AMAZING! That is the next car I want to get! 🙋🏼‍♀️

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      1. I’m tall myself though. 5’11… 😳😁 I test drove a countryman and fell in love with the “vroom” under the hood.. guess it is called the car’s power? 🤷‍♀️ I like the fit but my husband did not (he is 6’2)… can’t wait to have one!! Won’t be able to do your seat trick though for sure!😁😆😂

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      3. I learned to drive in a 1974 ‘hairy lime’ Morris Mini S. Loved that wee car and driving the hills and bends that used to be our drive home from Sydney (Australia). Love stickshift too. I have to wonder how airtight yours is if you can ‘drop one’ and it’s still there later? I’d love the one in the picture, if not yours. Worried that the upholstery will have absorbed too much of your methane 😝

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      4. Mine is leather inside! It’s exactly the same down to the white wheels but I didn’t want to post my number plate. They’re really fun little cars and surprisingly great in the snow.

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  13. I’m never going near any Minis from here on out. It could be yours and I’d expect it to lunge at me with a banshee scream.
    (I’m glad I don’t live anywhere where I have to worry about car thieves)

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  17. Those are some clever tactics, lol. There’s no way some thief would want to have to adjust the seat of a car before stealing it. I keep imagining it in my mind—some thief adjusting the seat of a mini coop while the alarm is blaring, and he’s doing a potty sort of dance while trying to get the size right for him to sit down, looking over his shoulder for the cops the whole time—and it cracks me up!

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    1. You don’t have to spend a fortune to secure your car! Back in the day I used to flip the distributor cap and take out the rotor arm thus totally immobilising the car! Damn new technology stomped out all my fun!

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