Counselling – Salvation or Scam?

~ the britchy one

I have a question.

Counselling.

It’s always struck me as the biggest ripoff going. You sit and blather on to someone while looking for answers yourself and you pay them for doing absolutely nothing constructive! I think newspaper agony aunts have more value. I truly see this as a farce but I know others have differing opinions. I am not knocking anyone for trying it – it’s what works for you… But I just don’t get it. If I have a problem I won’t work on, how can counselling fix it?

This has come up as someone I know has some seriously self destructive shit going on that they’ve been indulging in for years. Nothing has changed but they are now *in counselling* so they seem to think it’s okay to keep shitting on everyone else repeatedly and not actually changing any of their behaviour. I think counselling is providing a lovely excuse for them to do exactly what they want and expect everyone else to put up with the same old stuff and be understanding.

I would love to hear other opinions because I would actually like to understand if I’m wrong. This person is an alcoholic. They are destroying their family emotionally and financially and the *counsellor* is saying it’s everyone else’s problem not theirs!

I think a “good” counselor is as rare as rocking horse poop. Counsellors don’t seem to do anything constructive at all and this bullshit about having to find the right one just proves how many worthless ones there are. It seems to be a totally unregulated profession.

In the experience I’ve had – which is only third party admittedly but of the counselors that I’ve seen, it seems like they gravitated towards that job because they thrive on drama and fixing problems would actually hurt their income. Honestly, I think a lot of them are just enablers to get the person to keep the $$$ coming in.

What’s your opinion of counselling?

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

111 thoughts on “Counselling – Salvation or Scam?”

  1. I have been in counselling where it has worked and where it hasn’t. The best one is the one who let me talk guiding me with a few questions here and there so that I realized what I was doing and how it affected those around me. The ones that didn’t harmed me more than did me any good.

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      1. I think it is. It can be a challenge to find one who is right for you. However in your post it sounds as though this person has found someone who basically is okaying bad behaviour and that is not good.

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  2. I think counselling can be a good thing, for the right person. It should never be an excuse for someone to continue their negative behaviour, just like going to confession for Catholics should never be a carte blanche to do whatever the hell you like, but there are probably examples of people who did feel that way.

    I think some people are strong enough personalities to be able to fix themselves without help, others are lucky enough to have a good support network of friends and family but for those who have neither of those things, counselling can be very good. Of course providing they get a good counsellor.

    Ultimately, if it works for your ‘friend’ or not will be measured by any change in their behaviour. No change, then no it didn’t work.

    🙂

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    1. That’s why I wanted to ask. Everyone I’ve had talking about it has just given me a diabolical impression. One girl I know has been in therapy for 22 years. Seriously – how is that helping anything except the therapist get rich?!

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  3. Counseling is tricky to be honest. Like how drugs or alcohol are blamed for behavior, is a farce. They only amplify the true intentions of the user, yet somehow they assume the blame (like guns killing people apparently). I think of counselors as “friends” that might be honest with us that we have to pay, so their not really friends. Then again if your an asshole, then just accept it, others will accept it eventually as well.

    That’s the problem with when it comes to counseling, it’s not gonna fix anything. It’s just a way to vent in a protected area. We can say whatever we want. Then again from what I understand, doctors and other medical professionals are required by law to report “certain” things. Which just shuts down more communication.

    We are not completely honest with ourselves, so how can we be completely honest with our friends and family? With that being said, we would then have to allow everyone else to be honest with us. Are we afraid of that dynamic? We are afraid to actually speak our mind and voice our opinions. I have often said that if I could be completely honest all the time, all of my social and self problems would be solved. Sure, I would have to understand that I may scare away more than I want, but that’s the trade off.

    We spend the majority of our time lying at work. Lying to get a job interview, laughing or agreeing with things we either despise or do not care about. We are constantly made to care about things that only annoy us. We cannot be candid with our children fearing they will speak up at school and be ostracized or punished for reciting what we have taught them or told them. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. plagiarized his doctorate, yet let your kid say that to their teacher at school. You’ll be called in and your kid will be in trouble.

    We lie to ourselves and we sacrifice constantly. Counseling is another issue, now you have appointments to go to and you need time off of work. You gotta take time off to get renew your license, etc. etc. etc. it’s all madness and somehow we think that the counselor that we are speaking to actually gives a shit, nope, they are just going through the steps like everyone else.

    If you’re an alcoholic, accept it, the same with drugs, infidelity, etc. etc. etc. talking about it only relieves the person from time to time. Counseling doesn’t last a lifetime. That’s why it is so important to let your kids know that you will always be there for them no matter what. This world today is very scary and imposing, one wrong social media post and lives can be truly ruined. Get arrested for peeing in a back alley and you could be labeled a sex criminal for the rest of your life.

    I hope that gives an idea of my thoughts on counseling. I know I can seem all over the place. But this is who I am.

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    1. I think any counselling can only help if the person is genuinely seeking help not just a band aid or platitudes. What I don’t like is how they don’t tell you what to do. If someone truly doesn’t know how to change the problem then counselling is no good. Listening without some sort of guidance? Go to the zoo and talk to the animals! It’s cheaper and you get some fresh air!

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  4. That’s also why I am anonymous in my blog. I understand the things I write about can be absolutely devastating for my family and my children. It’s pathetic to say, but it’s the truth. Since merit has gone the way of the dodo, sex, skin color, religion and sexual preference now dictates who gets what. This is the world today.

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  5. I can see the value in having a completely non-involved person, an outside source if you will, who doesn’t know you, to talk to and give an unbiased opinion and perspective. ( It’s cheaper to sit at the bar though. Lol) I too have found it curious when people say they’ve seen their therapist for 10 – 20 years. Doesn’t this indicate that they haven’t fixed the problem? Pete’s sake! I was in ICU for 21 days with a shattered L1 vertebra and 2 broken arms at the wrist, one of which, later, the hand had to be sawn off and reattached. The shards of vertebra shot in toward the spinal cord so attempting to keep me from being paralyzed, they had to cut down my side, cut out a rib, collapse my lung, install a rod, cage and brackets. You know what? Did not have to continue seeing the doctor for years! People beat cancer quicker!
    There is a huge difference I think between a “counselor”, psychologist and psychiatrist so depending on who you go to or if you even know who to go to may be an issue. However, alcoholics should be working with a medical doctor combined with an AA/NA program not one of the above. Thats an addiction and they’re looking to justify with excuses the behavior. If they were actually looking to remedy the disease they’d be in a related program which all demand you accept accountability instead of the BS this ones trying to justify.

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    1. Oh I agree!! Therein lies the problem too. There’s no guidelines or reviews as far as I can see. I’m having Physio at the moment and get reviewed every 4 weeks – no improvement? It stops! And yet counselling doesn’t have any safeguards that I can see

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    2. I think some people have a life long battle with mental illness, not by choice clearly, but if seeing someone for 20 years keeps their heart stay happy then who cares, let em have it.

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      3. Oh yes, I agree with your point when its true mental illness. The context I think is emotional issues and the failure of any oversite or regulation in many fields. It leaves a wide birth for those who are doing it for wealth ( the money is in the illness not the cure) and failure to show anyone is actually being cured. Imagine the worse damage that can be inflicted upon the suffering at the hands of the unqualified or unethical.
        The field in and of itself is by in large based on theory rather than medical fact and each field is wildly different and navigating to which a person may be best helped can on its own present a problem.
        In the case and context of this specific post concerning an alcoholic, none of these fields are appropriate for treating it. Alcoholism is a disease not a mental or emotional disorder. Too, if you’re seeing the same therapist etc for 20 years and not better, can we say that that particular therapist was their best option? As with any doctor, if not recieving a marked improvement in a reasonable amount of time, you find another doctor who can. The problem lies in the above, oversite, review, etc.

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  6. I have been to several bad counselors that have done nothing for me. Today I see a counselor that I feel safe with, she doesn’t shame or pressure me, but it does seem to hold me accountable. I set goals with her and by talking things out i have realized a great deal of things I do to harm myself or set myself up for failure. I’m not sure I would have come to these conclusions without her. I personally think your friend has a long path ahead. Things don’t resolve as fast as some think. Accountability will hopefully take hold, seems a few more demons need to be sorted out first.

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    1. You’ve just reaffirmed my exact thoughts. If there’s no accountability for either the patient or counsellor then it’s a dead loss. I’m sorry you had so many bad ones and I’m so glad you’ve finally found one of the rare ones but it’s so wrong that it’s so hit or miss.

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    1. I hadn’t read this one of your posts – I haven’t had enough time with it being summer to go through reading as much as I intended yet so thanks for the link. I like how you set your posts out so this will be a interesting read 😊

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  10. Oh, Britchy… What are you trying to do to me? I’m currently in a less than ideal mood, and then you post something that I feel rather passionate about. I will try to keep this cordial and short.

    It seems as if I feel exactly like you. But I know it’s a… not so popular opinion (to say the least). In today’s world it’s “trendy” to be seeing a therapist… and for ANYTHING. People can no longer handle ANY of their problems. I bet I could find several people right now who would have told you I need a therapist (ex.: grief counselling). But I don’t have one. Never did. And don’t plan on having one. I’m not saying I’m perfect, or that I am able to get through my stuff right away in the most perfect way, but I don’t think they could help me with it. I am the one in my head. Analyzing all the data. I am the most reliable. A therapist is a person who gets their info from the second hand store (me, others). Why would I trust them? They don’t know my variables.

    Having someone to talk to, someone who will listen to you is of great importance. So find a friend. A stranger on a bus. Someone that walks their dog in the same park (don’t tell them your whole life story after just knowing them for 10 seconds), etc. Or learn to be OK with talking to yourself, by being objective, truthful and honest with yourself.

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  11. I think there are good counselors out there, but I agree, on the whole, they are just as mixed up as the people they are “trying” to help. People today are too soft, and don’t know how to handle responsibility or adversity.

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      2. I thought I would make a good therapist, because I’m a decent listener (I allow you to talk, and I don’t need to talk over you). Moreover, I like to think that I know somewhat how to deal with things. Plus, puzzles interest me. I like problem solving. But then, I realized that I might get annoyed with people, who just complain and refuse to take action. Plus, I’m sure it would wear me down listening to issues all day long.

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  12. When I worked in hospital I often wondered what it would be like to be a social worker where they see the same people over and over again week after week but nothing ever changes. It must be a depressing job – do they feel like they help anyone? I guess they might feel they are at least keeping that person alive and some people have no one they can talk to. There is good and bad in every profession. While venting can be useful, talking too much often just leaves you just feeling drained….sometimes activity is better, or distraction or doing something for someone else etc. On the plus side I guess if the problem is a minor or limited one, counselling doesn’t have any side effects versus drugs. It does bother me that doctors are so quick to put people, especially young people, on antidepressants when maybe they just needed time and a friend to talk to. If you don’t learn coping skills when you are young and run into minor problems, what will you do when life’s major stuff happens down the road. I often think coping skills are something they should be teaching in high schools. It would also bother me when an elderly person (like an 85 year old) would be put on an antidepressant shortly after the death of a spouse – grieving is a normal process – it takes time. In terms of alcoholics and mentally ill/bipolar type people, it does seem that those conditions have become a ready excuse for bad behaviour. Yes we all should have an understanding of mental illness, but what about the poor family members who have to live with those people – where is the compassion and understanding for them! This is too long – I should stop now. A good post – lots of complex issues.

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  13. I think counselors are really a mixed bag, as are those seeking the counselling. I saw a therapist briefly several years ago, where she basically guided me towards conclusions I was already headed towards and told me I was doing better than I realized. When insurance covers 100%, it can be valuable; but it’s not worth my $100 out-of-pocket. However, a friend of mine sees a therapist who sounds amazing and seems to have done a lot to support he soul-seeking, self-love journey; yet, this friend does a lot of reading, medication, and self-work independently, so maybe she’s also simply being guided towards the answers that are already inside, too. I think if someone is willing to do the work it takes to overcome any issues, they can find ways do it themselves; but, therapists might be like a set of training wheels to help them be more comfortable with that exploration.

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  14. I’ve always been very skeptical on counseling. From my personal experience when I tried it as a child (depression and anxiety issues here), I kind of liked therapist I had for a minute, but the phycologist I saw one time was a freaking joke. He spoke to my dad, not me. I swore off any counseling after that until about… 5 or 6 years ago. I was in a bad place in my mental health and a family friend (who used to do counseling professionally) helped me out quite a bit.

    I overall feel like it’s a dating game. My mom once had a PA in a doctor’s office tell her that finding a doctor is kind of like dating. Sometimes you have to go on a few ‘dates’ to see if it’s a good match. If not, you can end the relationship and move onto the next doctor/date. I think counseling is the same. Outside of the fact that the person getting help needs to actually want it, I think it’s important to find a good fit for them in order to make any therapy productive. They might do a few sessions and if they aren’t connect with their counselor they might need to find a different one.

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    1. I feel protective of people with mental health issues. They’re much more susceptible to being taken advantage of so I think it’s an area that needs a lot more guidelines and regulation of counsellors than is in place. People need protection from the unscrupulous

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    2. I’ve heard that before. My question to you: “How do you know if it’s a right fit?” Is it someone who listens and nods, because you want someone to acknowledge your emotions? Basically, what I’m asking is regarding the fact that sometimes people judge too quickly. And they don’t want to hear the truth. So once they are confronted with someone who is more action oriented, and confrontational, they don’t see it as a good “fit”. But maybe that could be a better therapist?

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      1. I think it boils down to, do you feel comfortable and are actually getting what you need out of a session?

        Some people need the jump into action right away kind of counselors, while others need the slow nod that eventually builds into actual problem solving. If you feel like your counselor is judging you too quickly, then perhaps it’s the cue you need to try a different one out. Much like primary care doctors, counselors aren’t going to be the perfect match for each patient they receive.

        If you’re someone who wants the help, but isn’t quite ready for the truth up front… then I’d personally suggest you go for the slow nod that will eventually lead into actual problem solving. Someone who will slowly work that trust with you and can productively (even subtly) help you get to a point where you can face the truth and solve the issue. It might take longer than the up-front action types, but we all handle our problems differently and some of us might take longer than another and that’s okay.

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  16. I’m not sure if counseling would work for me, but I use my blog as my outlet. It’s free therapy for me. I get to vent and people give me advice haha. It’s great! All for the low low price of $34 a year for my domain name hehe.

    But I do know people who really benefit from it. My mom, for instance. She started therapy a few years ago and it has helped her SOO much! And a friend of mine as well. I guess it all depends on what you need to do to feel at ease with your mind?

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  17. No clue.
    I have a teen friend who has some issues, she sees a .counselor, she seems to be happy with her. She helps her as.far as i know. Now.is it vital or not, i can’t say

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  18. Pingback: A New Thing.. | sparksfromacombustiblemind

  20. As long as you find a good reputable therapist, I think it works for people that find it hard to confide in others around them.
    Also, have you ever tried it?
    For me, I have to try things once before I decide I like it/it works or not. Also, what works for one person may not work for others. For this topic, I say to each their own.
    But I agree, “I am in therapy” definitely isn’t an excuse to hurt others around them. If anything it should be to heal oneself, if they believe it helps.

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  21. I worked as a therapist in the MH hospital setting and as a crisis counselor for years. In both cases, I got paid a salary by an agency – not by my client. I got my degrees because I wanted to help people – not to take their money. In fact, I ended up leaving the field of MH and got a job in international shipping – something I knew nothing about. But I doubled my salary overnight by making this change. As a therapist, was I the best therapist for each person? I tried to be – but maybe there was someone else out there better suited for different individual cases. And yes, there are bad counselors and therapists out there. And I am sure there are a lot in it for the wrong reasons. But I don’t think therapy is a scam. I put my daughter in therapy when I saw her start to withdraw and become depressed. It helped her – it helped her learn more about herself and she is happy now. Side note – I didn’t really like her therapist a whole lot. But my daughter loved her and she made a lot of progress with her, so I let it go. And I hope that if she ever feels down again, she doesn’t hesitate to say – can I talk with someone again. It is so variable though – really depends on who you get and do they work well with the individuals needs. Interesting post – great discussions on here!

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    1. That’s really interesting too and obviously it’s a huge field. When I started this I wasn’t thinking about mental health therapy at all. My whole reason was a friend basically being given a free pass to bad behavior by their therapist. The story was checked by their family too so it wasn’t something they made up. It’s been an eye opener!

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      1. Yeah, I would be frustrated too if my friend was involved with a therapist that was just enabling their bad behavior. Really generated a lot of discussion on the topic!

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    2. It was interesting to read a perspective from the other side of the fence. On TV we often see therapists inadvertently trying to council their own friends and family. Did you try that with your daughter? Or did she dismiss you because you were her mother?

      Even more interesting to read the part on how you didn’t like the therapist, but your daughter did. Definitely thought provoking.

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      1. Thanks! Oh no, I don’t council friends or family. If anything I am just a good listener. I couldn’t council my daughter either – I was too emotionally invested. I was frustrated and I was concerned. And no, she wouldn’t listen to me as a parent let alone as a counselor. When I took her to her therapist for the first time I told her therapist I thought my daughter was depressed, she had a ton of sensory issues and a lot of social problems. The therapist diagnosed and treated her for autism, which I would have never thought. But my daughter learned more about herself and learned why she did some of the things she did and she was so emotionally lighter – happier.
        Yes, I got frustrated with the therapist – I felt like she was avoiding contact with me. But Cate continued to shine, so I let it go.

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  22. I think counseling is great if your counselors are straight shooters. I’ve had 2 experiences with it and both helped me. Upon contemplating divorce, mine said “you’re like Br’er Rabbit, wanting to heal without pulling the thorn out first.” Got divorced. Then during grief/stress counseling after losing both my parents, mine said “I really don’t care about your history or your “inner child,” I want to know what’s going on with you today and to help you develop strategies for dealing with it.” Another good counselor. It’s probably a good idea to make a distinction between a psychotherapist and a licensed social worker/counselor. My vote is for the later.

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    1. I would probably appreciate those as well, but I know of people who would have felt dismissed. I know of people, who are trying to go to therapy for trauma locked in their DNA. Is this a contest? Are we trying to have more issues than the average Joe?

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  23. I have had some friends who have been through trauma and did benefit to an extent from seeing a counsellor who was a neutral party, separate from their everyday circle of family and friends.
    I think I may have resorted to counselling after I was attacked if it wasn’t for my family and some supportive friends including my best friend who is a renowned psychologist. It was great to spend time with her and get things off my chest in an environment where I had some control.
    But I do know what you mean…
    …I think there are times when someone needs some kind of help to get a handle on their thoughts…and although, it might not be a perfect remedy, at times counselling just helps people to start talking, though it sometimes seems in such an abstract way…you do wonder how long it will take to see a major result.
    So, I guess I have mixed views…I can see benefits in many cases…but jury is still out in some cases. I truly believe there are great counsellors and not so great counsellors.

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    1. The biggest thing coming out is there are so many variables in getting a good or not so good counsellor.
      I’m all for people getting help and I will never be less than a staunch advocate for de-stigmatising mental
      health issues but I think therapists who enable bad behaviours are despicable and I think there should be more checks and balances in place. I don’t think everyone should be limited to xyz number of appointments but I think there should be some sort of way to assess if it’s actually benefiting people or if they’re stagnating.
      Thanks for your thoughts, your points were helpful 😊

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  24. Counselling has benefited me enormously, particularly recently. I find it helpful to talk to a person outside of my family/friends where I can be brutally honest. Being as poorly as I am can be an exceptionally heavy burden to carry, for myself and my family, she helps unload some of that burden. It doesn’t work for everyone, I wasn’t sure it would work for me but I have seen two separate people (one mandatory for the surgery I have opted for) and both have been a saving grace for me. It makes me feel sane, she helps me understand my thought process and how to pull myself out of the panic I continuously felt after nearly losing my life. My panic attacks have reduced by more than 50% and although I have played a role in that, I repeat to myself the words she uses in my sessions to bring myself back down to earth. She’s really pretty cool.

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    1. I am so glad for you. Having a clear mind is invaluable and your perspective of not wanting to be a burden is one that’s the polar opposite of what prompted this for me. Actually what prompted me was nothing to do with mental health at all and I hadn’t even considered that aspect. Thank you for sharing your story because it was good perspective for me reading it

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      1. I do completely agree with the point you were making though, counselling shouldn’t be used as a means to enable bad behaviour/patterns. The whole point is finding a solution and if I didn’t feel I was getting that from my current therapist I would leave. This thread has been really interesting to read! Thanks for such an engaging question 💗

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  25. You have to break this discussion into two categories. Honest mentally broken versus those of us that have met life tragedies and came up short. Honestly, I have sat in front of Therapists, some with their medical degrees or equivalents. One of my favorites was while I was in the Army trying to get my top secret. He had very strange views of what was in my head. I also spent time in front of normal Therapists, Marriage, Depression, etc. In my low opinion, if you are not seriously mentally impaired, bipolar, manic, ready to destroy yourself of others, a really good friend that will actually listen, or your local priest, offers some of the same cathartic actions that a pro can do. I hear voices in my head, men, women, kids, I try to listen and write their stories. That is cathartic for me. Drugs are out for me, I lose the voices in my head, and then I am lonely.

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    1. That’s a really good point and one I hadn’t considered before writing this. I vented about a specific counselling fail (in my opinion) and it’s been so great getting all these perspectives.

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  26. I’ve never had counseling or therapy myself but I think some people do need it. And it probably does not work for everyone. A good councelor/therapist should not really give advice or make excuses for bad behavior. What they do is help you work through your problems to the point of realization and then guide or help you to solutions for fixing them.

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  27. In response to someone’s response earlier, yes it’s ok to see a therapist for 10/20 years- it’s basically maintenance or well visits. Similar to a diabetic or hypertensive seeing their doctors for regular checkups. And new issues could arise in that time. And some people want or need that extra reassurance seeing someone on a regular basis. In my practice, I have women that are over 10 plus years of breast cancer treatment and refuse to be discharged. They like the reassurance of seeing me regularly just to hear that they are okay. Let’s not forget that mental health, although not tangible, is as important as physical health.

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  28. Really interesting topic that effects everyone at some point in their life: as in mental health and/or addiction. Coming from Australia, ‘therapy’ isn’t a common thing like I imagine it is in USA (going on the TV and movies). Don’t get me wrong, there’s still plenty of the issues that lead to it!
    We’ve been having this discussion in our house lately about the difference between counseling and psychologist help.
    I’m currently thinking that a counselor works purely as an impartial listener; which is what a really good, close friend can do. The friend might be more beneficial as they generally know something of all sides of the equation and can make relevant suggestions.

    To me, a psychologist should be able to diagnose a problem and it’s source and provide tools or strategies to help overcome them.
    Either way, it comes down to the patient being honest in the first place; eg. an addict. They can say whatever they like to a stranger and that person is none the wiser. There’s very little chance of change in that situation. Bring the family in on it to hear their side, to get a more realistic picture.

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  29. I have received counselling in terms of my relationship and I think it has saved me at times. I know this sounds strange but just hearing someone that is not apart of my family or friendship circle and doesn’t really know me comment on the hurtful and absurd behaviour of my husband just seems to make every hit home to me more, almost seeing it from an outside perspective.

    There have been times I just talk and talk and she just listens and that has been exactly what I have needed. It’s a shame that finding a good counsellor can be difficult to find as you say and I think it probably takes a bit of trial and error. I have heard it said that the counselling room should be that place where you can let out the scared little kid within you. Mine runs riot during those sessions! lol.

    I don’t think it gives people an excuse to treat people badly in the past or whilst you are going through it though.

    Great post – it is interesting seeing peoples opinions on it. 🙂

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    1. What is sad/daunting is that even the people who are great advocates agree it’s a matter of luck finding a good therapist. That’s just not acceptable because if you need a counselor you’re already vulnerable – I don’t like seeing people preyed upon

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  30. This is a tough one. In much the same way as some salespeople are out to scam people into buying phony products but then there are some who really truly believe in what they sell… or how some surgeons will push patients to get on the table for a sketchy procedure that may or may not help but the money is BIG… and some surgeons just don’t gamble with that type of shit regardless of money. I think at the end of it all, it really depends on 1- the counselor as an individual and a professional and their work ethic, passion, and commitment to people.. and 2- of course , the actual person in question… no matter HOW much help they try to get and it can come from the absolute best in the world- if they don’t want to genuinely change, none of it fucking matters.

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    1. Yes you are absolutely right. You can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to change but you shouldn’t (as a counsellor) enable them/validate their behavior either.
      It just seems that there is very little in the way of regulation/checks etc because it’s not cheap either whether you do or don’t have insurance.

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  31. Always an interesting topic and always will be an interesting topic.

    I have seen several in the last forty years and most were before l received my diagnosis of Asperger’s, which answered many questions straight away.

    The first time l saw a therapist was when l was 14 and that was for ‘anger management’ and that l was out of control. However because of my upbringing l wasn’t allowed to discuss that even in confidentiality to him, because my Father said he would beat me to an inch of my life if l said anything. So l couldn’t continue with him[counsellor] on that occasion. It wasn’t anger at the world as they suggested it was anger at my father who in fact was the one the should have been under therapy for his issues.

    The only decent one l ever spoke to was the one who formally diagnosed me with autism. Least she was honest.

    Sure l had shit in my life to deal with, like most of us do. In 1987 l was seeing one for a while so that we could talk about my car crash and the loss of people close to me, but l couldn’t complete there because grief overwhelmed me.

    Most of the counsellors before my diagnosis were trying to make my ‘payment’ sessions last longer and l found l wasn’t getting anywhere whatsoever with them. But there was one a couple of years before who although didn’t recognise the Asperger’s, did see that all my problems were quite possibly the result of bipolar. I am both an Aspergian and have bipolar which is always an interesting combo. Then there was the formal diagnosis a couple of years later and as said many of my questions and supposed mental health problems were then fully identified.

    The last one l saw was no better than a wet sodden tissue and l saw him last September, he was going to grant me 8 sessions which l was to talk about my life. I found him useless and walked away after my second session.

    Last November l decided to stop seeing counsellors and fix my own head, which l did and still do. I was carrying demons around with me since 87 and purged them out.

    There are very few what l class an excellent counsellors, however if we allow ourselves the freedom to think clear, we are in fact our own best counsellors, but it is not an easy ride. The end result is the patient gets out what they put in, irrelevant to whether you are paying for the privilage or not. Ultimately, it still comes down to us to want to get better.

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    1. Mental health in the UK in the 90’s was a nightmare. I think now that I probably had untreated post natal depression and I’d left a mentally and physically abusive marriage with fractures and all kinds of triggers and fears as you can imagine. I managed to tell the doctor and she referred me to a clinic. There I had to sit for an hour with a counsellor and explain why I needed help. I sobbed my eyes out while explaining real
      raw painful stuff and she say there saying nothing. Then she said she’d explain my case ‘to the panel’ and they would let me know if I ‘deserved’ help or not. I felt so humiliated and worthless. If I didn’t have issues before I had them then! Then I got a call saying there were more deserving cases than me and I should maybe go for walks and get some fresh air. They’d totally ignored I was on crutches with a cast on my leg it seems!

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      1. The biggest problem with the NHS is that it was broken long before it was broken. The 90’s as an example didn’t have enough qualified people doing this job, now nearly 30 years on, more people are broken, and in many cases here, l believe we are seeing more sub standard people sitting where they shouldn’t be.

        Too many people, too many breaks and not enough care. The other problem, and l cannot speak for anywhere except the UK is that sadly this is one profession that needs to be seriously regulated and moderated as too many scamsters get away with doing sweet FA and no one is there to police what they do.

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  33. I actually wanted to be a counsellor once, I thought I wanted to help people fix their problems, turns out Im not at all that patient…

    Im part of one of those ask kind of communities where if you have a problem you ask the internet. Ive askef a few questions and to be honest everytime someone said seek counselling it pissed me off…!!! Everything just seems to be getting so watered down its hard nowadays to find anything of value…

    In my neck of the woods counselling and any other form of involving someone else in your business is strictly tabooed…

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    1. I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing at all. People need to talk and I’m not a fan of taboos as stuff can get covered up that shouldn’t be.. it just needs to be more accountable and have measures for success

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  34. Mental health services in NZ are woefully inadequate as successive governments have pretended there are no problems in this beautiful clean, green country. Our child and domestic abuse rates rank as one of the highest in the world; and we’re a tiny country.
    What will happen is that the government will, at some stage, throw a shit load of money at it, to be seen to be addressing it, but that money will be sucked up by incompetent, unqualified imports (because, like every other specialty, there’s been none trained here) who see the opportunity to make big bucks for nothing and the mental health of the nation will still not be addressed.

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      1. It’s disgusting but true that governments here only act ‘reactively’ not ‘proactively’.
        They spend a lot of time and money trying to attract foreign investment but nothing on the well-being of Kiwis themselves.

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      2. That seems to be popular in recent years. Reaction, instead of proaction. I seem to have some experience with that, too.
        But yes, as a foreigner, I think of NZ as an immaculate country. Too bad… But, I guess we all have problems. No one is perfect. (I mean country wise)

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  36. Well I do find it weird to tell a total stranger about my problems. That person would not know anything about me. Even if I’m expected to tell them everything honestly, they perhaps would not be the best to assess our problems. Maybe someone who knows us on a personal front could help.

    But then I don’t deny that counselling has helped many. I guess that’s when those people had really good counsellors to help them out.

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  37. I the country where I live counselling is not such a big thing, it’s not offered so often as in other countries. I think that either the health professionals don’t take it seriously or there isn’t a perceived need.

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  38. I am bipolar, so I am “supposed” to have a therapist. I had one who listened well, but didn’t believe in medication. One who blamed everything on my mother one week and my husband the next. One who would probably have been OK except she moved to California after three weeks. The list goes on. Most of them can be manipulated. I had an awesome psychiatrist who saved my life. But he’s as rare as a good therapist in my opinion. Then he had the gall to retire. 🙂

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  40. Pingback: Counselling – Salvation or Scam? — Bitchin’ in the Kitchen – Sexual Wellbeing Online

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