A Pirate Life For Me..

~ the britchy one

This poetry malarkey is too much! Jeez. My brain hurts!

I blame cake because I made a couple of dozen cupcakes today. I’m feeling a bit sick now because I’ve eaten four. My son Fartichoke exclaimed ‘Mum that’s your THIRD!’ I was very indignant I can tell you and righteously corrected him ‘It’s my second.

It was, the second of my second pair. Cake should always be eaten in pairs. Anything else is just rude!

Where was I? Oh yes! Rory at A Guy Called Bloke has challenged everyone to write a pirate post. There are no restrictions on format so please join in! Just tag him and me so we can all see.

Here’s my effort and this is it. No more poetry I promise!

Years ago while still a learnin’

Careers day set thoughts a churnin’

What should I choose? Who could I be?

To live on land or rule the sea?

A Pirate Queen or a Britch Goddess?

‘‘Twas a terrible choice I will confess

I wanted Gold and Rum and Jewels

Riches stole from gullible fools

Sat on a beach in far Jamaica

Where One Eyed Farquhar Met his maker

He shouldn’t have argued with Bad Bitch Britchy

Her trigger fingers far too twitchy

He’s buried deep beneath the sand

Ex marks the spot by his left hand

Eternal Rest With no surprise

For there he lies – and lies – and lies..

Nah. He doesn’t deserve a death so easy

And spoiling Jamaica makes me queasy

So there it is, I choose plan B

B for Britch – yup that’s me!

Landlubber born and trickster bred

I’ll think of an end that bugger’ll dread!

A killer cake is my surprise.

Death by chocolate, a sad demise.

I’ll bake it full of ‘shit-be-gone’

Not really chocolate, what a con!

He’ll scoff the lot and need the loo

Not death by chocolate, Death by poo!

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

36 thoughts on “A Pirate Life For Me..”

  10. Cakes are better eaten in pairs, you’re absolutely right! Love the piratey piece, you really do have a way with words. “Landlubber born and trickster bred, I’ll think of an end that bugger’ll dread!” and death by poo is certainly quite an ending! Thanks for the giggles.x

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