This poetry malarkey is too much! Jeez. My brain hurts!
I blame cake because I made a couple of dozen cupcakes today. I’m feeling a bit sick now because I’ve eaten four. My son Fartichoke exclaimed ‘Mum that’s your THIRD!’ I was very indignant I can tell you and righteously corrected him ‘It’s my second.
It was, the second of my second pair. Cake should always be eaten in pairs. Anything else is just rude!
Where was I? Oh yes! Rory at A Guy Called Bloke has challenged everyone to write a pirate post. There are no restrictions on format so please join in! Just tag him and me so we can all see.
Here’s my effort and this is it. No more poetry I promise!
Years ago while still a learnin’
Careers day set thoughts a churnin’
What should I choose? Who could I be?
To live on land or rule the sea?
A Pirate Queen or a Britch Goddess?
‘‘Twas a terrible choice I will confess
I wanted Gold and Rum and Jewels
Riches stole from gullible fools
Sat on a beach in far Jamaica
Where One Eyed Farquhar Met his maker
He shouldn’t have argued with Bad Bitch Britchy
Her trigger fingers far too twitchy
He’s buried deep beneath the sand
Ex marks the spot by his left hand
Eternal Rest With no surprise
For there he lies – and lies – and lies..
Nah. He doesn’t deserve a death so easy
And spoiling Jamaica makes me queasy
So there it is, I choose plan B
B for Britch – yup that’s me!
Landlubber born and trickster bred
I’ll think of an end that bugger’ll dread!
A killer cake is my surprise.
Death by chocolate, a sad demise.
I’ll bake it full of ‘shit-be-gone’
Not really chocolate, what a con!
He’ll scoff the lot and need the loo
Not death by chocolate, Death by poo!
Aye, Blanche Bonny Britchy th’ bitchin one! I knew ye not fail me – well done!
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Arrrrrr! Where be the grog?
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Arr right, indeedy 🙂
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Reblogged this on A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip! and commented:
Aye, Blanche Bonny Britchy th’ bitchin one, I’ll warrant ye! That one’s th’ curse t’ thievin’ scallywags, dern’t mess with th’ Britchin especially when it comes t’ cake from th’ kitchen!
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Nice post Britchy.
❤️✌️
BY FOR NOW
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Thank you again!!
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Your Welcome dear.
❤️✌️
BY FOR NOW
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That was kick ass!!! I loved it and giggled through it.
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Now that’s praise indeed! Thank you!
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You’re welcome! You should write more like that! 😊
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That was a blip!
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Lol
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That was pretty awesome.
And how dare your son? Did HE bake? No. SO back off. Tell him I said so. Also, respect thy elders.
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There’s still 11 cupcakes left. It’s rude to leave them to go stale isn’t it?
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Oh, absolutely!
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Loved this! I may just have to take you up on that there challenge matey! It won’t be as good as yours but I will try my best. 😉
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Shiver me timbers lassie!!
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Ha! And I really like that pirate in the top picture; I want to meet her!
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Yeah she looks badass! She’d splice your mainbrace before you could say pieces of eight!
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BWAHAHAAHAHAH! What a fitting ‘end’…. 😉
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Thank you 😊
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Cakes are better eaten in pairs, you’re absolutely right! Love the piratey piece, you really do have a way with words. “Landlubber born and trickster bred, I’ll think of an end that bugger’ll dread!” and death by poo is certainly quite an ending! Thanks for the giggles.x
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I have been told I murder the English language more than once!!
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Pirates and cupcakes. Perfect!
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I’m going to have to work a rum cupcake now. Has to be done!
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Yup. 😁😍😁
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If there were more poems like this, I probably would have paid more attention in my English classes 🤣 absolutely brilliant – as usual! Sam x
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I loved English, it was my favorite subject!
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I did enjoy English lit, I couldn’t stand the poetry though 😂 give me a good novel any day!
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Meeeeee too!
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Interesting post
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Thank you 😊
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No problem 😁 check out my blog when you get the chance 🙂
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Loved this! You’re talented. Just found your blog and truly enjoying the read.. now following! ❤️
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I’m so glad, thank you!!
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Crude & absolutely hilarious!
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