The ‘S’ Word And The Telly

~ the britchy one

It sFnowed and turned to ice this morning and yesterday morning. It was below freezing both mornings too. I’m not a happy Britchy!

Winter is upon us and it’s time to start planning my hibernation. I do not willingly leave warmth and anyone talking about the traumatic horrors of snow and ice can Get Stuffed!

Things I like about winter:

Furnaces

Heating

Big fluffy blankets

Hot Chocolate

Things I don’t like about Winter:

It’s too long until May

No excuse not to watch TV

Everything Else.

It’s time for a lot of reading, a ton of cooking and baking and maybe a little crochet or embroidery. Not counted cross stitch though, I hate that shit. It’s boring and it involves maths. Unless it’s a Chinese menu I don’t do numbers.

But then I saw this:

Oh Hell No!! Not today Satan!!

I might even get a crash course on How To Work The Telly From ‘im indoors. I’m ashamed to admit I do not know how to said buggering abomination. I can program the arse out of my oven. I can work out any app or computer program easily but I CANNOT WORK THE BLOODY TELLY!

Full disclosure.

I can’t even turn the blasted thing on. I’ve tried caressing it and saying ‘hey big boy, let’s get it on’ and it just sits there impassive.

…A bit like my ex really.

We have one of those multi-device remotes that ALLEGEDLY works the TV, Cable box and DVD thingummywhojit.

It is Union I think, it only works when it wants and downs tools without cause or notice. It smells fear and messes with me accordingly. It has a complicated dance routine Beyoncé couldn’t master whereby you have to hit TV, power and cable in some ritual comprised of a Masonic Handshake and Morris Dancing. I can never get the steps in the right order (I’m convinced it changes them daily)

Then there’s Netflix. I’ve been known to cry at the thought of Netflix if I’m on my own. I will watch it on my tablet instead of the tv because I can’t face the humiliation at the hands of a machine. So no, I haven’t seen Santa Clarita Diet or Game of Thrones or anything else. I’ve seen an awful lot of The Big Bang Theory, each episode 38.734 times apparently. I’ve seen a lot of NCIS and Criminal Minds because luckily, ‘im indoors likes those and since he knows how the damn buggery box works, he gets to choose what’s on!

For now..

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

27 thoughts on “The ‘S’ Word And The Telly”

  1. I totally need to do that to our remotes for Ryan! How do men get anything figured out without us? I am the designated IT person in our house. Ryan can’t keep the remotes straight or even know how to get from Netflix to cable. 🙄😳🤪😳

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    1. I’m usually very tech savvy but the tv has me stumped! Probably because we have three remotes that all have to be used for different things at different times and I rarely watch tv so I don’t remember! It’s me that has to reset all the clicks on everything if we have a power cut though so I don’t feel too bad!

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      1. I’m not a tv person much either. I’d rather read. I used to do crossstitch when I was younger. But I liked the stamped kind, no counting, that’s too much work.
        I almost put sprinkles in Ryan’s pot of coffee this morning. That’s the closest thing I have to pop rocks.

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  2. A few years ago I would be all “OMG I LOVE WINTER” but now it’s just that I love the snow. I don’t like the cold, I prefer the coolness of autumn instead. And I only like snow on the grass or in the air. Not the sidewalks, not the roads.

    But I do love cross stitch! I’ve started to become a fan of printed cross stitch, where the pattern is printed in the material for you. It’s much less math involved haha! And it’s usually something SOO CUTE like a baby blanket of bib.

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      1. I’ve never tried any of those – My mom taught me to cross stitch and knit, and I recently taught myself how to crochet. I can hem a pant leg semi-decently by hand as well haha and darn a sock and sew on buttons. My grandmother would find me almost half way acceptable as a finished young lady. Hehehe

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      2. I can do everything BUT use a sewing machine. I’m seriously terrified of them and I know it’s silly but I don’t even like seeing someone else use one. I’d love to but that needle going up and down scares the everloving collywobbles out of me!

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      3. I don’t like using one either! HAHA I’m afraid my finger is going to get sucked in under the needle! And I have no idea how to thread the bobbin thread all over the place like a maze before I can even start. If I ever need a sewing machine to do something, I wait until one of the like four times out of the year that I am at my parents’ house and go “mmmmoooooommmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyy can you do this puuuhhhhhllllleeeeaaaassseeeeee??? I love yyyyoooouuuuuu” as I make pouty faces and pretend to hug her until she gets annoyed and laughs at me being stupid and she does it for me hehe it’s a weird system but it works.

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      5. HAHA I’m not sure if it’s because I’m cute or if I’m just that annoying. I’d like to think its a perfect blend of both.

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  3. Weren’t you moving to somewhere warmer?
    That photo with cut outs for appropriate buttons on the remote makes total sense. Having more than 1 remote for TV is just silly. Throws your TV out the window. Problem solved. It won’t laugh at you anymore.

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    1. I like how you think!
      I was/am planning a move to NC. A lot got in the way this year and derailed my timing. I’m stopping job hunting now until after Christmas because it’s insane timing and also because I now have medical appointments lining up like a friggin’ holding pattern. I’m about to ring the insurance company for a secretary to keep track of all the bloody appointments 🙄

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      1. You work(ed) in HR, so you know how did goes. Apply now and you MIGHT hear something before Christmas, while the job will not start until mid January.
        And hopefully all the appointments go well.

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  4. I share the same feelings you have for winter.
    I am worried…I seem to have Netflix but I have no idea who is paying for it….neither myself nor my landlady are. It doesn’t come free with a TV license does it?

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  5. Fricking awesome Britchy!! What an absolutely stonking post!
    “”Unless it’s a Chinese menu I don’t do numbers.””

    Loved this!

    I get so bloody annoyed at the remotes in this house, and l sit there on the couch like a mini devil cussing and shouting at the damn things.

    One remote for sound, one remote for tv, one remote for television programmes, one remote for dvd’s/netflix. it’s not just one remote, it’s four bloody remotes! i want ‘just one remote’ and l want it be basic, l should not need an Iq of over 150 to figure the damn things out! Don’t even start me on the likes of sorting netflix out, way too many channels!! Renote or not.

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