Monday Funday or Shopping Is Murder..

~ the britchy one

A friend and I were out shopping this morning and got into a lift (elevator) with a guy with horrific dandruff. When he got out she turned to me and said “Someone needs to give him some head and shoulders”

I’ve been thinking all morning and I just can’t work it out.. how in HELL do you give shoulders???

Having lunch in a pub is hazardous to health.

A complete moron had the cheek to tell me that “God put milk and eggs in your body so obviously you’re meant to cook”.

Obviously two black eyes would make HIM a panda. Wanker.

We were queueing to pay in Macy’s (nice and quietly I might add) when a guy pushed right past me to reach at something on the desk. Not only did he tread on my foot and hurt me but he didn’t apologise AND HE TUTTED AT ME!! Rochester was full of people who had lost the will to live it seems. I piped up ‘Excuse me, I think my foot is under your shoe’ … and he rolled his eyes and stepped back! I snarled ‘Yes asshole, you can kiss me right on the pooper’. Honestly, I didn’t even feel myself opening my mouth let alone have foreknowledge of what was going to be said.

I think I need an exorcism- I seriously can’t be this bad without an inner demon or two

And finally, did you know you can’t swype on a computer keyboard? I do now..

Aren’t you proud of me for not blaming the cat?!

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

66 thoughts on “Monday Funday or Shopping Is Murder..”

      2. Damn straight. I have two pair. But, at 5′ 9″, the heels are flat. I’m tall enough. Heels make me dizzy. I am mostly legs & hair. I wasn’t gifted with the coordination to walk a straight line on my toes. Small toes. Short feet. Disaster.

        I nearly peed myself reading this. To Mr. Milk & Eggs, God clearly put what minute amount of brain matter you have in your tiny penis.

        And, To Bozo with the Clown Feet, kiss the ass. Not on the right cheek. Not on the left cheek but, right down the middle…in the pink, fuzzy part.

        Shopping is hell. In crowds or online. My aforementioned short feet are wide. I HAVE to try on before I buy. No worky online, esp. with sites that have return shipping and/or restocking fees. Honestly, my feet are more comfortable in the damn boxes than most shoes. Maybe I’m just an unusually tall halfling…🤔

        🤣🤣🤣

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      3. I have a bitch of a time buying shoes. I’m lucky if a 5 fits in length but I have an inordinately high instep so fitting shoes across the arch can be a pain. I love boots because you can buy big and wear more socks which works on every level! My best friend, Titselina Bumsqueak and I are total opposites. She’s tall, I’m short, she’s boobzilla and I have chesticles, she’s alpaca foot and I’m thalidomide toes. We love each other really but no one would think it listening to us!!

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      4. 😆😆😆

        I have the same problem! High arch…and my toes don’t really slant. Almost straight across…🙄😖

        Chesticles. Heh. That’s apropos. Me, too… I am the taller version of you without the red hair. I am a redhead incognito. 😉😎 My maternal GM was a redhead & my mom was blonde. I got dad’s dark hair…☹😠

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  9. Excellent ‘hooker heels’, we say similiar things to Scrappy lol! Not long back she cost us an arm and a leg, so we both joked, at this rate it wouldn’t be long before she was on the corner in her furry paws!

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  13. That phenomenon of the ‘inner demon’? Is invoked when you encounter screaming assholes in your foray for worldly goods that you may or may not need. And some fat f*ck stepping on your foot, whilst trying to shove in line? You did show restraint. I’d have elbowed him in his pillows… And milk and eggs, so you’re meant to COOK? That asswipe would have DIED. See? You showed restraint.

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  15. LOL, “how do you give shoulders”… mkay, i just choked on my dinner.

    This is why i’m a big believer in online shopping. I don’t like to go to people-y places too much if i can help it 😀

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  18. Omg it’s crazy what’s happening & whom we meet while shopping. But, I’m wondering maybe peeps in Sweden r different, cuz it’s always toooo quiet when I’m out & shopping. Sigh, let’s see what’s gonna happen when Black Friday will arrive lol 😂

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  19. A complete moron had the cheek to tell me that “God put milk and eggs in your body so obviously you’re meant to cook”.

    Are you serious right now? I’d have given him my address for a dinner date and cooked him a meal he’d never forget! Help me Jesus!

    Mr eye roll, shoe on my foot? May have appreciated an elbow to the sac. Lol

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