I had to go to Best Buy today as I wanted an original Samsung charger for my tablet.
I went in wearing my “vegetarian vampire” shirt and this mall cop stood right in front of me stuck his thumbs in his belt all cocky and said ” So what does a vegetarian vampire do then?”
In my defence he’d really got on my nerves because he thought he was Gods gift to women – and he’d got my back right up.. so I replied (too quickly)
“Well lets put it like this, it wouldn’t be your blood I’d suck” ….. then I realised how it sounded…. I’m sitting here now blushing! My face is scarlet as I type this and I’m not even having to tell you face to face!!
I’ve changed my voicemail. It now says ‘You have reached the Britchy voicemail.
Press one for English.
Press two for PROPER English.’ Let’s see how many people I can mystify or piss off with this!
The biggest lie ever: I have read and agree to the terms of use.
I bought some multivitamins yesterday. I took one yesterday and one today and I’m STILL sick. I think I’ve been ripped off.
Life is too short for regrets.
So ….after mortally wounding your enemies, learn to forgive yourself and move on.
See – I can be inspirational too 🙂
A text conversation between me and my daughter:
And finally, some Britchy advice (Because there wasn’t any good advice to be found) – There are things in life you can control and things you can not control. One thing you CAN control, is how much control you give the things you can not control.
LOL! I sent my dad that turkey thing last year and actually got a thought out response but at the end he said “is your oven broken?” Haha!
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Her ass is mine. 😈
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And be sure to post that as well…
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Oh I will!!
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Haha!!
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I literally lol’ed at the Cracker Barrel meme… although I can almost picture you doing it!
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Someone’s gotta be first…
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Entertaining read! Thanks for the laugh!
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“Press two for PROPER English!” 😂😂😂😂 I’m belly laughing over here!!!!!!
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Oh I’m glad! Everyone else says I’m a muppet!
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Very true Britch, energy is not infinite. Use it wisely.
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Oh this is so entertaining. Smiles all around. Thanks 😃
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Thank YOU!! 😊
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😃
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Your comment to the cop really made me giggle! Great fun post :O) x
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I cringed!
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I can imagine ;O) x
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Hahaha, this is brilliant!! I can’t wait to hear what revenge you exact!
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Oh it will be …extended! She’s coming up on the 11th until the New Year. She will leave wiser!
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I liked your post, it amused me. It reminder me of when I went to the local shop to buy milk I’d forgot in my Tesco uniform and the counter staff said: ‘What don’t they sell milk in Tescos.’. And I said: ‘yes, but I forgot to pick it up and thought I’d support my local shop rather than drive all the way back to work.’ Anyway, I’m much more careful about wearing my uniform anywhere else now.
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That’s the trouble with uniforms, they’re too identifying and people feel too free to comment!
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Hahah the texts between you and your daughter are hilarious! I can’t wait to see what you do as revenge! Sam x
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Me either!
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Hahaha too funny!!😊
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Thank you 😊
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Well Britchy, l am not sure how to react ……. it’s a toss up and excuse the terrible pun betwen my salty nuts or , no not that the terrible pun is between my salty nuts either, but … oh good grief moving along swiftly!
But it was this …….. lmao … ““Well lets put it like this, it wouldn’t be your blood I’d suck” As a Vegetarian, what else could you suck? Mm, must hit Google for answer l feel ….
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I think that’s for the best too!
…. obviously it must be a blood orange eh?!
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Absolutely!
A Blood Orange of course!
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Gawd that last paragraph? Is going to be stuck in my brain pan like an ear worm one cannot ‘un-hear’. Proper English…. mwahahahahahhaha…. you state side girl, we ain’t gots no ‘proper’ language at all. We the yank keys……. heh.
Actually, I thought this post was hilarious and very crisply written. Kudos. I’m off to improve my vocabulary by reading the dictionary. And listening to persons from ‘across that big pond.’ 😉
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I love hearing Americans talk, especially from the Southern states. A fella with that deep North Carolina drawl butters my biscuits for sure!
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You got me laughing so hard.
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Well laughing is better than crying!
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Definitely. I have been laughing so much today. Mel and Rory were hilarious and then you. I think I need to cry a little now. 😉
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I was laughing – a lot – reading this post. You’ve got a good (even if somewhat crude – but that makes it funnier) sense of humour.
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Thank you!
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You’d make a great comedian!
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I think I make a good warning on how not to do stuff!!
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LOL!
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So does Mark Lowry.
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ROFL! The only thing I don’t get in this is the lying on the bear rug thing.
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That was a joke, Cracker Barrel is a restaurant so lying in front of their fireplace would be wrong!!
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Oh. ha ha
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