Is that a fantastic idea or what?! How it took me this long in life to justify myself I’ll never know but ho ho ho – I’ll just have to make up for lost time!
‘im indoors isn’t a morning person. He’s like the living dead and can barely grunt. He staggers out of bed, into his robe and downstairs on auto pilot to the coffee machine. I have often smirked at the idea of moving the appliances onto different counters just to see if he’d try and put his mug where the kitchen aid bowl should go! If it wasn’t for the fact I have the biggest kitchen aid and can’t move it by myself I totally would do it.
See? I DO understand limits. Take that doubters!
You get the picture. The Neanderthal is strong in him. I could march a brass band through the kitchen and as long as they weren’t between him and the Keurig, he’d put it down to tinnitus if he even noticed.
I wasn’t feeling well last night so I ended up staying on the sofa all night. It wasn’t a ‘sleepy’ night so when I heard him smattering around in the kitchen trying to put a pod in the machine I knew it was game over. Too late to try to sleep now.
I hoiked myself up out of my blanket pit to go to the loo and walked right past him.
My eyes are extremely dry and problematic at the moment and before I put eye drops in I can barely open them. You’ve heard the phrase? ‘Eyes like peeholes in the snow? Yep, that’s me.
So I went into the loo but didn’t turn the light on because of my eyes. I’m sat there, behaving beautifully and minding my own business when I hear the slipper shuffle approaching. He obviously didn’t realise I was in there as no light was showing under the door and Daisy wasn’t outside trying to save me. She won’t actually go in the loo because she’s terrified of Fungle the bogeyman but she sits outside and tries to save me from a distance!
My zombie spouse opened the door and all I could think to do was stretch my arms out to either side like I was playing aeroplanes and shout ‘BA DUM PUSH’
He nearly passed out. His glasses slipped down his nose as he took an involuntary step backwards out of his slipper. His foot landed on the cold floor which made him jump and look around and down while yelling ‘Jesus H Christ. What the hell is wrong with you?’
I’m STILL sat on the loo at this point, laughing my head off maniacally and for once I was in the right place at the right time because, you know, squirrel bladder!
There was quite a bit more ranting and raving and once again, I’m in the dog house but that’s okay because frankly, there’s no place like home. He pointed out I’ve been on a mission to give him a heart attack this month which is what gave me my Advent Calendar idea. I’m late to the party but it’s fun opening a few windows late because you get extra chocolate or in this case fun sin!
Does it count as murder if you prank someone to death?
What would be the murder weapon?
Can a jury convict if they can’t stop laughing?
Should I even be thinking these questions?!
Ah marriage, sometimes just to annoy each other!
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It’s the best bit!! ‘To bug, annoy and pester from this day forward’ 😂
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Ha, well that and no longer having to leave the house in search of intimacy!
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Trust you 😂😂😂 trouble is, the results of that intimacy are the biggest interruptions of future intimacy!!
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True AF Britchy
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Lol! 😂😂😂
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It’s called keeping marriage fun!
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Yep! 👍
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Buahahahahaha…
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That was hilarious. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. And I love the little green guy. 🙂
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He was worth every penny!!
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😂😂😂❤
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Britchy! I’m coming Upstate to get you…You need to behave, the poor guy. 😂😂😂
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We were together for 6 years before we got married – he knew what he was getting into!!
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Omg!! That is so funny!! 😂😂💕
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Aren’t you glad I’m going to Syracuse and not Rochester today?! 😂
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Haha be careful!! Are you going for a cheese run? Lol
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No I’m picking my daughter up!
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Good for you! Have a safe trip and no flipping off the jerk in the car in front of you! Haha💕
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Truly excellento – now to spoil the fun, and be a party pooper l have nominated you for TMBA – sorry, what can l say some people comfort eat, l comfort blog and you my first go to 😦 My bad.
https://aguycalledbloke.blog/2018/12/11/mystery-blogger-award-nomination-5/
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I don’t think she REALLY minds!
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Not at all 😊
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Thought so.
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Some actors, like Will Ferrell or John Candy, have me grinning before they can even open their mouths and actually SAY anything. Your writing does that for me… I am always smiling before I even start one of your posts and laughing like a loon before I can get halfway through. No dry eyes HERE… once again you made me laugh ‘til I cried…
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I think that’s one of the nicest things ever said to me – thank you! I’m delighted 😀
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😊💕💕💕
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Most excellent.
I routinely lick my other half’s ear just to hear him squeal.
That’s the stuff good marriages are made of….
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Britchy, are you there? Could l email you something to have a look at please?
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I’ve been out all day, I’ll read it now 😊
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Thanks, it’s already in the inbox 🙂
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I do miss those fun days. Bwah ha ha
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hahahaha!! You are so cruel sometimes LOL!
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I was the innocent one! (This time!)
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LOL! Until you scared him half to death (though, I suppose that was to prevent a disaster).
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Exactly! I was being all quiet and good. It’s not my fault he goaded me by being there!
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I thought you had separate bathrooms for a reason!
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The downstairs loo is just that! He should know by now that nowhere is safe
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Love the top cartoon. Just curious. Do you remove Fungle or is it some kind of camera optical illusion?
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Fungle only gets set up for special occasions. He is very likely to make an unexpected appearance over Christmas as all the kids will be here and they haven’t seen him in a while and my son in law has never met him!
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Hilarious! made me smile on a dreary Wednesday afternoon!
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Hurray for laughing! Thank you 😊
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Your marriage will never be dull.
I feel for ‘im indoors. I’m a morning zombie, too. I am Cro-Magnon woman complete with grunts & farts & f***** up hair. I would pee on Fungle before I saw him.
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Kinky beast 😂
I noticed your blog url has changed.. glancing quickly I thought “Why has she changed her name from Cosmic Observation to The Christmas Files”…
There’s no hope for me really!
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http://www.thechristhomasfiles.com is a URL that, right now, is free with my WP premium package. As of December 18, WP will no longer offer free domain names. I use it as a redirect to my main page. You & Coffee have domain names that mask the WordPress part of your sites. I didn’t want my whole site to be The Chris Thomas Files. I keep CT material as pages and then blog on the other side.
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Oh that’s interesting!
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OK, that’s hilarious. Poor him!
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