Dear Whack Job Scientists,
If ever you feel like taking a break from some of your more ludicrous experiments like The Propulsion Parameters Of Penguin Poop, Fruit Bat Fellatio or The Impact Of Wet Underwear On Thermal Comfort In The Cold, I have a challenge for you that will make women fawn all over you.
I’ve watched the Big Bang Theory. Repeatedly. ‘im indoors is an addict. I know how you geeky nerd boys are over sexed so listen up.
Every woman’s dream isn’t Male. As I’ve stated before, every woman’s dream is to eat without getting fat. You whackos aren’t doing so good on the ‘diet’ products because that just takes the fun out of everything.. so it’s time to approach this from a different angle.
You need to get to work on rewiring the body. Let me explain. Our current methods of burning calories are inefficient and need to be rendered obsolete.
We are spending far too many hours exercising to burn calories when we could be bingeing on Netflix and cake simultaneously which is multitasking and thus, much more efficient. It was actually ‘netflix and chill’ which gave me the idea. Specifically the Chill.
I think noses need to be in charge. I currently have a cold and I have to tell you, I’m in AWE at the buckets of snot my nose can produce. I blow my nose and three seconds later, another bucketfull! This goes on 24/7. It’s endless and if that level of industry could be harnessed to burn calories, we could burn off 20lbs of blubber in an hour!
This would leave us more time to eat and would have the added advantage of creating World Peace.
No one declares War at dinner time, we’d be too busy making pizza to make war! Win, Win!
Instant weight loss – Side effect: World Peace.. now that’s the kind of project that’ll get you geeks laid so its a win all round.
Oh and if you can have side projects on self fuelling cars, dishwashers that load and unload themselves and cloning Colin Firth that’d be great
Yours sincerely,
Britchy
Oh! I am with you on this science research, a 💯 %. A great post. 🤣😂🤣
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LOL thank you 😊
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🤓😉
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Speaking as a scientist who is not getting any :
I am taking careful notes here 😉
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Bon chance!!
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Excellent on the note taking!
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🙂 🙂
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I’m not sure I would trust my cats with science. I’m sure the girl cat is plotting the downfall of the human race…
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… I wouldn’t be too worried, half the humans are too!!
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As someone with a geology degree I appreciate the Gneiss Schist joke very much. I too have wondered about the super production of snot, and thought of harnessing it for economic gain, I just need to think of a use for it…..
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If there’s a rock and mineral fair anywhere near – you’ll find me there! I can’t resist buying and displaying my rock collection. I absolutely love going to those 😊
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I have a fair few boxes of rocks that I keep threatening to dust down and display. I’ll need an extension! (just re read this and it sounds a bit wrong…._
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😂 we’re two of a kind!
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😉
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I have several stones & crystals. I wear a white labradorite.
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I have a lovely hand sized piece of labradorite that is just beautiful to sit and look at 😊
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Wallpaper glue substitute?
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Maybe. I’ll let you know if it works 😉
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It seems to glue tissues & toilet paper well. Look! Paper mache!
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Gross! (And I had to read this soon before I have dinner…)
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You’re outta control Britchy!!!! Has this theory been peer reviewed by the appropriate and approved state entities?
You could be labeled a heretic! Be sure to kiss the ring of Nye!!!
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Screw the state entities! Its time the worm turned 😂
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That’s what I’m talkin bout f-science!!!!
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I would like to sign this petition! But can we amend it to include Tom Hiddleston in the clonin request? If not, I would still like to support
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We’ll clone the lot BUT without voiceboxes so we don’t have to listen to the whinging gits!
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But…..but…..!!!!! Colin and Tom have amazing voices!
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Yes but as mere males, they’re better seen and not heard!!
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Is there a way to program the cloning to only include things like reading sonnets to me and not critical thinking? lol or is that pushing it too far?
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Nope, we’ll add it to the list!
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Who is Colin Firth and Tom Hiddleston?
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They are two actors who are now both middle aged!!
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If I was to pick an actor I would like cloned, it would probably be an actor that doesn’t exist.
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That’s a good idea. I only said it jokingly because it’s not really the actor we like – it’s the parts they play
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I realised that lately when reflecting over actors I’ve had crushes on – it’s really just an attraction to the character they are playing.
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Oh, yeah…like me some Tom!
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Galileo and God killed it.
Get well soon!
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Thank you!
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👏👏🙌🙌 I almost snorted my coffee out my nose laughing. I really should know better than to drink anything while reading your posts!
Hope you breathe freely soon🌻💌
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Me too, sounding like a walrus is getting old!
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I, too, am drowning in my own pool of snot as we speak. What? Do I have a cerebral fluid leak somewhere? Damn.
I could have gotten through life just fine without knowing about fruit bat fellatio. 🙄😎 Can’t unsee that from imagination.
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It’s amazing what you can find on the internet 😂
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I wondered when I had the flu in November where the snot was coming from. It’s like a never-ending supply, but where’s it stored? There’s not room up there for ALL of that, surely?! Hope you kick the snot monster out soon, colds are miserable. And you’re right, Netflix & chill while eating cake is multi-tasking and it’s incredible that through your scientific evaluation of eating you’ve managed to find a solution for world peace. But why do you want to clone Firth? One Firth is quite enough, maybe even one too many. x
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I thought he’d be handy for doing the dishes and cleaning the cat litter etc
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Colin, the cat litter cleaner…he was Firth in his class @ litter school. I like it! 😉😁
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At least you didn’t go with ‘Colon’ 😂
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Damn! I missed that!
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😎
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Thanks for reminding me…I need to empty the dishwasher soon. Not now, but soon. Eventually, probably before I make dinner. After I unload the dryer and start another load… tomorrow I visit a dentist. Where is Firth or Tom when you need one????
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Firthed if I know. Men …Pfffft!!
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giggled out loud!
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LOL!
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I agree with you definitely with this science, love the kitten pictures and especially Colin Firth (drool), oh look I have lost a few ounces LOL
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It’s the perfect diet!
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But of course shame it doesn’t work 😂
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That’s why they need to work on it!
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Another superb humour round up Britchy! Awesome!
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Thanks Rory 😊
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Absolutely pleasure 🙂
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You know Kristian has done this too now?! I absolutely KNOW we’d all love to listen to you and your followers would be thrilled.
PLEEEASE?!!!
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Where’s Kristians??
I am on my weekly catch up, and rather selfishly l start with you first, so l haven’t yet got to him, although he is second, so maybe if l pop over l will see his now 🙂
I am not adverse, because l have been thinking of alternative ways to post if after surgery l can’t write so have been looking at other methods of posting.
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Here’s Kristian’s https://bottomlesscoffee007.com/2019/01/16/kristian-stops-by-and-talks-chickens-and-english-history-tidepodcast-episode-37/
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Oooh that would be great! Please do, you’d be fab and let’s face it, if we can’t have ‘The sun never sets on the British Empire’ anymore, with Kristian me and you we can have it on the podcasts instead!
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I promise you l will 🙂
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I’ve already mentioned to to Bottomless Coffee. It would be fantastic, I know there are tons of us who would just love listening to a conversation with you 😊
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Ha ha 🙂
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LOL. The opening picture reminds me of the schist joke in the 2008 movie “Journey to the Centre of the Earth” (including the line “Oh, we’re in deep schist!” Hint: there was no schist about 🙂 ).
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I love word play like that too!
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