Shame?? – me too.

Have you ever done anything you’re deeply ashamed of?

When I was five or six I went to a birthday party. I went to lots of birthday parties! They all followed a pattern. Pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey, sandwiches, sausages rolls, crisps, cakes and biscuits – singing happy birthday and going home with cake. All very ritualistic.

I went to school in central London. There were a lot of kids in my school from the diplomatic community and one little girl was from the Phillipines. She was a pretty little girl and always had red and white spotty ribbons – how I remember loving those!

It came around to her birthday and all the girls in the class were invited. We all dressed up and took presents but – there weren’t the usual party games.

There was singing instead of pass the parcel and different food – and a big cream and chocolate confection instead of cake! It was very different and at the time, I thought it was brilliant.

The next day at school wasn’t so brilliant. One of the girls who was a bit of a ringleader started being nasty at lunch. There were eight of us to a table. Me, Iliana and six other girls. It ended up with everyone mocking her party and being vile while she sat there, broken and silent. I’ve never been so ashamed or disgusted with myself. I didn’t defend her. I was scared of being singled out too. I had a big pit of acid inside and I literally felt sick I felt so bad.

Later that evening I cried my eyes out to my dad who told me I’d feel better if I apologized. So I did – and I felt a bit better.. but I still feel shame and disgust with myself to this day. I’m pretty sure this is why I’m as rabidly anti bullying as I am and why I believe in building people up not knocking them down.

I saw exactly the same scenario this weekend. A woman sat at a table being “roasted” by another woman while others laughed.

Again I felt physically sick. Why do we find humor in publicly humiliating others? Why as women, aren’t we supporting each other? Why are we tearing each other apart. If the only way we can be funny is by disembowelling someone to their face then maybe we just aren’t funny.

Every time I hear a woman say “and this is why I don’t mix with other women’ I want to cry.

I’ve thought long and hard about posting this. I don’t want this to be seen as a political statement as I don’t like it when it happens to women in ANY situation. When we degrade each other we’re sending a blatant message that it’s okay. It’s not.

Be the human you want to be treated as.

40 thoughts on “Shame?? – me too.

  1. Awesome! I hate seeing it too, and it happens all the time. In my daycare I hear a lot of one parent bashing the other, usually in front of their child too. It’s sad. I wish I could post at the front door to parents, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” 🙂 Great post!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I always think that women should always empower other women! However, I think it would be naive to not acknowledge that maybe women are so hard on one other is because it’s so easy for society to make women feel bad about themselves, etc. It so easy in today’s world for women to feel threatened and inferior because of someone else’s success. And that’s sad. But we, as women, should work harder to lift one another up!!! Good post!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t think those women realize the honesty of the picture they’re painting of themselves and the wretched state of their own hearts. I couldn’t stand it. I’m pretty sure I’d have gotten straight honest with them too. Probably in a shocking way that I’d have had to talk to Jesus about later.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The art of roasting is a delicate thing.
    I know what you’re referring to (assumption) and the thing is that it wasn’t even funny. I have a weird sense of humor and I can laugh at things I probably shouldn’t, but this was full on ridiculous. It seems like comedians are a dying breed. We need to get Britchy out there to show them what humor really is.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Humor can be sharp without mutilating. The sad part is when you don’t just hurt that one person, which in itself is terrible. The damage done to the perception of women and how ‘we’ cannibalise each other as a sex is devastating.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes. I’ve done things that, even today, I can feel the heat flush into my face when I think about. That shame.

    And I’ve had things done to me by others and, yes, the two I remember were by girls, in that 10-14 age range. One, years later, apologized to me for how she treated me. And she did it in front of her teenage daughter. It was powerful. For all of us.The opportunity to apologize is an open door.

    Thanks for putting this issue out there, and sharing your own experience with shame. It’s not an easy thing to do.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Very sad. There is nothing political about that, I agree I try to keep politics out of my blog, but surely regardless of our personal politics, we can all unite behind the banner or anti bullying! I was bullied mercilessly at school, and I still don’t really know why. Big Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s horrible – it should to happen to anyone. Kids are cruel but at least they have the ‘young and stupid’ tag. When it’s fully grown adults in their 40’s and beyond.. well how can we expect kids to learn to be decent human beings when that’s the example they’re set?

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It is an awful thing to watch and it is an awful thing to be at the other end of. I was painfully shy as a child and the other girls thought I made a splendid target. To this day I have perceived imperfections that they ingrained. 😮 thank you for being a voice for everyone too frightened.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The more I see it, and read about it, the more I ask myself- why do women choose to tear the other one down??, and by the same thought, I do not choose to make friends with other women, I’ve been the parent who was criticized outside the daycare room , I have been the mother who was left out of parties, I have probably even been the ten year old, who was teased about her own birthday party, and in a small way im grateful for this post today!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand your reasoning, I think change has to come from within, be it ourselves, a workplace or beyond. I can’t change things from the outside but I CAN From the inside – so I try to change things at work and in groups and absolutely in me. I’m truly sorry you have suffered this. As women we absolutely have a lot to learn from the ‘old boys network’. I hope you find some women friends who empower you 😊

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  9. It is truly horrible. I was never physically bullied, but I went to a private school with a lot of rich kids, and there was a parade of making fun of my hair, my nose, not wearing makeup, my family’s wealth….I ran away from those girls and to this day don’t really have contact with them. Although they message me every now and then if they need something…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I think we’ve all been part of something we are ashamed of, just going along with the crowd but as long as we recognize it, apologize and learn, we become better and more sensitive humans…..well said and thanks for reminding us!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Although I’m still ashamed to have been involved, to have been afraid to stick up for someone else, I’m glad I remember it because that will make absolutely sure I never let that happen again. It’s all I can do

      Liked by 1 person

  11. My first husband, at about age 14, was with a bunch of boys who were throwing water balloons. They told him to throw one at a girl who was riding her bike pass them, and he did.
    He said all the way into his adult life he never forgot the look on her face. She was visibly upset that she was struck by the balloon but also confused as to why they picked her. What did she do to deserve that?
    He NEVER forgot that day and was very tough against bullying, would never tolerate it.

    Liked by 1 person

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