More Of My Shittery..

I’m constantly thinking up little gems as ‘im indoors calls them. When I remember I make a note and when I have enough I inflict them on you.

You’re welcome.

I thought I’d found a lump in each of my breasts. Turns out it was just my knees.

There is a reason it’s called ‘girls gone wild’ and not ‘women gone wild’. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.

I’ve figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water

It’s H2OMG

The parts within you that you water, will grow.

The hardest part of having pets is that they have such short lives. The hardest part of having ex’s is that they don’t.

When sending an ‘open letter’ to a celebrity or person of note, be sure to mail them a copy. It’s not an open letter to them if they can’t see it, it’s merely a narcissistic rant designed to give the writer a chance to pontificate.

I picked up a magazine while shopping called “Wood”

Well that was a disappointment..

Be the parent of your future and not the child of your past

Every time I open my mouth it’s to put something in it. It’s always either food or a foot

And lastly, I’m in trouble. Again. All I did was tell my daughter how to say happy new year in Chinese. I only got it a LITTLE bit wrong….

Hei yoo fat kun sounds about right…. sheesh..

51 thoughts on “More Of My Shittery..

  1. Omg I have sooooo been victimized by own my taste in men. Too many times! Lol

    But also: the parts within you that you water will grow?! Deep stuff right there!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I pretended I was searching everywhere for something. Each time with a different victim – I’ve literally done this to everyone! Eventually they’d ask what I was looking for and I’d say a duckdoo. I’d keep looking until they bit and said ‘what’s a duckdoo?’ And I’d reply ‘Quack, Quack’
        I’m surprised I’m still alive really.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Love it! I have a collection of memes on my phone and computer. I used to do a meme of the week but that got old like most things I try to do regularly. I might have to do a meme dump at some point to brighten people’s days like this!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I just hit the brakes and gas on my car and its broken….. but I did discover that the airbags work and the check engine light which used to sir flash a lot, is no longer flashed.

    Liked by 2 people

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