Sometimes people can’t grasp the concept of why we stayed with toxic people.
I say “WE” because I was a battered spouse. I had so many bones broken that I stopped counting – yet I didn’t leave..
When you’re in the middle of a war zone all you can think about is a safe place to put your foot next. Nothing else exist’s. You’re just surviving, one precarious footstep at a time.
You don’t have time to look up and see how far to the edge of the field or how pretty it is outside the minefield. You’re blinkered. All you can see is surviving that next step.
There weren’t any signs on the road to the wee wedding chapel saying “Minefield Ahead”
It looked lovely, idyllic even. Here was Happy Ever After. Population:2.
It took walking a while and a few little mini rockets, a couple of mortars, some unfriendly fire and a couple of blasts from a machine gun before you found the first real landmine ….and by that time, you were in too far. You just kept going, hoping it would get better. You wanted to believe the fake news, that it wasn’t that bad and you really thought it was all your own fault. Everyone else was around was walking minefield free. It MUST be you.
Eventually many broken dreams, broken promises and broken bones later, you realise that you CAN get out of the minefield. You NEED to get out of the minefield. You just have to believe in yourself and find reserves of courage that are unimaginable to most.
Not everyone reaches that point at the same place on the journey. Some stop at more stations. Some ride the Express. Some never make it at all.
I will never judge anyone who gets out of a bad situation no matter how long it takes them or how many attempts – I know WHAT it takes them.
I won’t judge anyone for staying either. Its a hard journey to start. It’s not my journey and I’m not paying mileage. Everyone has to pick their own route. All I can do is help with directions if asked and wave – so they know I’m there if they travel past looking lost.
I shall celebrate all those who find their way out of the minefield because, sadly, many don’t.
Some end up in a morgue with a tag on their toe.