Domestic Abuse

Sometimes people can’t grasp the concept of why we stayed with toxic people.

I say “WE” because I was a battered spouse. I had so many bones broken that I stopped counting – yet I didn’t leave..

When you’re in the middle of a war zone all you can think about is a safe place to put your foot next. Nothing else exist’s. You’re just surviving, one precarious footstep at a time.

You don’t have time to look up and see how far to the edge of the field or how pretty it is outside the minefield. You’re blinkered. All you can see is surviving that next step.

There weren’t any signs on the road to the wee wedding chapel saying “Minefield Ahead”

It looked lovely, idyllic even. Here was Happy Ever After. Population:2.

It took walking a while and a few little mini rockets, a couple of mortars, some unfriendly fire and a couple of blasts from a machine gun before you found the first real landmine ….and by that time, you were in too far. You just kept going, hoping it would get better. You wanted to believe the fake news, that it wasn’t that bad and you really thought it was all your own fault. Everyone else was around was walking minefield free. It MUST be you.

Eventually many broken dreams, broken promises and broken bones later, you realise that you CAN get out of the minefield. You NEED to get out of the minefield. You just have to believe in yourself and find reserves of courage that are unimaginable to most.

Not everyone reaches that point at the same place on the journey. Some stop at more stations. Some ride the Express. Some never make it at all.

I will never judge anyone who gets out of a bad situation no matter how long it takes them or how many attempts – I know WHAT it takes them.

I won’t judge anyone for staying either. Its a hard journey to start. It’s not my journey and I’m not paying mileage. Everyone has to pick their own route. All I can do is help with directions if asked and wave – so they know I’m there if they travel past looking lost.

I shall celebrate all those who find their way out of the minefield because, sadly, many don’t.

Some end up in a morgue with a tag on their toe.

21 thoughts on “Domestic Abuse

  1. Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you. This is the best way I’ve heard domestic violence described yet. I don’t judge either. I found my time to leave the battlefield but some never are ready. No judgement here either. Sometimes it’s all you can do to survive the next round of fire.

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  2. You could not have been more articulate and visual in describing the cycle of violence; being in the “battlefield”; the wanting to leave. Yet, there are so many psychological/financial/emotional/physical layers that prevent those that are victims of DV from “just leaving”. My children and I are survivors of domestic violence and one day I will write about that…but for now, it took me 20 years to figure it all out….I too have no judgment. Thank you for sharing a difficult topic that needs more conversations.

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  3. I really do not know yet what exactly is the situation with me. It’s always blames, disloyalty, verbal abuse sometimes physical abuse and then he keeps saying he loves me, cries when I say I want to leave and tells me he would never let me go. The main issue is constant disloyalty. I do not know what to do as I have no place to go. Sometimes it’s really difficult to figure out situations and face them..

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  4. Yes it is difficult but please no matter what else, know this is HIS deficiency not yours. It’s not easy to deal with or even think about which I understand completely. I don’t know where you are or if there are any support services near you but if you ever want to talk about this or anything else! I’m right here.

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  5. I appreciate your honest. I cannot imagine how difficult and complex your situation must have been. You make me proud to be a woman. I admire your strength and courage. Thank you for writing this. With love, Kay x

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  6. You have written it so well, perfectly comparing with a war field.. you are a very strong woman.. these situations get tricky where staying in difficult and leaving is difficult. We have to find our way and be strong about it.. Glad you made it out.. more power to yoy

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  8. Hi! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this page to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

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