..because the thoughts that fall, kicking and screaming from my head need a safe place to land..
I was looking up cocktail recipes and boy some of them are complicated!! My all time favourite, a Rum Runner has more ingredients than I've got brain cells... fact! No wonder they're so expensive (but yummy!) I started thinking about creating cocktails myself and you'll be unsurprised to know I have come up with one. … Continue reading Name Your Poison!!
Never kiss frogs. They might turn into a handsome prince and who’s got time for that shit? Being married to a "Dave" means leaving this world the way you came into it.. Screaming and covered in someone else's blood... Dear Sneeze, if you're gonna happen, Happen! Don't put a stupid look on my face and … Continue reading Saturday Thoughts…
....you know it's going to be one of those days when your daughter texts you a picture of a fella and you text back: How much did you drink? 1. He's too old for you 2. He's repulsive. 3. Check the sex offender registry because that right there is a pervert. ....and she replies "That's … Continue reading The Frog Prince?
Something to think about - make today YOURS!! Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Statistic of the day: More Americans have been married to Kim Kardashian than have died of Ebola. The statistic does not state which is considered a worse fate. If you came with Instructions, what would they … Continue reading A Little Something For The Weekend?
This poetry malarkey is too much! Jeez. My brain hurts! I blame cake because I made a couple of dozen cupcakes today. I’m feeling a bit sick now because I’ve eaten four. My son Fartichoke exclaimed ‘Mum that’s your THIRD!’ I was very indignant I can tell you and righteously corrected him ‘It’s my second. … Continue reading A Pirate Life For Me..
I was watching TV last night and got bored so I was flicking through for something to watch. I’ve FINALLY watched every episode of NCIS and Criminal Minds so I was at a bit of a loss. I came across a movie, The Spiderwick Chronicles. I’d taken the kids to see this at the Cinema … Continue reading How To Kill A Goblin Or Piss Off Your Ex
After Ratface Wrinkle- Winkle and I separated I quite enjoyed having a free babysitter! It was nice to get the occasional night off! He wasn’t very good about having them so I made the most of when he did. On this one particular occasion I was looking forward to a nice long bath without interruptions. … Continue reading Ratface, Ozzy And The TomTom – Or Where To Go And How To Get There.
Inspiration can strike at the strangest times really. Great Ideas can come to you when you least expect it and I’ve learned opportunity seldom knocks twice. Let no shenanigans go to waste are words to live by. Ratface Wrinkle-Winkle was a man of few talents but prodigious regularity. Rainman was an amateur compared to old … Continue reading In The Still Of The Night… The Coincidence Of Night, Fright and Shite Rhyming!
We’re going on a trip in the way back machine today! Fasten your seatbelts and refrain from smoking whilst we prepare for Blast Off.. Sit back comfortably but don’t go to sleep because, well, things can happen in dreams and real life simultaneously. You didn’t know that? Get yourself some caffeine and I’ll explain. Farquhar … Continue reading The Ex Files Or How To REALLY Live Your Dreams..
Titselina Bumsqueak and I were chatting about ex's and how we both have ex’s called Dave. At some point in life, every single one of us knows a Dave who is a complete knobsock. We dated them, we worked with them - our lives have been blighted by a plague of Dave’s, in fact it’s … Continue reading The Theory of Men or Don’t go there!
You know the saying ‘The Devil makes work for idle hands’? Hold that thought. It’s the best alibi I’ve got. Weekday mornings when my kids were little were chaotic. I was still in England with my ex so I had two school kids, a baby, me, two kittens trying to climb up my legs and … Continue reading The Pros And Cons Of Laser Hair Removal – Or Feline Groovy..
Having created a way to recognise blogs that entertain, me, move me and make me think I now have the incredibly hard part of choosing which to nominate. As a recap, this is not bound by any rules. It doesn’t require the recipient to do anything. Its just something from me to you that’s a … Continue reading My Recommended Blog of the Day 04/29/18.
After reading this, I know that from now on if you hear a train has been delayed, you'll be wondering what the rotten swines of crew did! Farquhar Bastardcelot was a train driver. He used to drive trains through the Channel Tunnel. He was a total brown nose and he found out that his supervisor … Continue reading The train on platform 9 has been delayed..
It never fails to amaze me that anyone will ask me for relationship advice. Then again, with the amount of weirdos I’ve attracted over the years I should be expert at spotting them. My wanker magnet is second to none it seems! I’ve decided to make a series of posts on relationships to serve as … Continue reading Britchy Advice on Dating and Marriage.
My youngest son, Thmellyarthe, was a very precocious reader. He was able to read first reading books at the age of three. I used to play with him as we’d be walking around the supermarket asking him to tell me when we were in aisle three,count tins of beans, find me the orange packet of … Continue reading The Coffee Table, The Ex and The Voice of Doom
Tonight I asked ‘im indoors what he wanted to take to work for his lunch tomorrow. “Oh ....anything” he said offhandedly. I was quite peeved by this but - I had a golden moment. One of those moments where instead of going ballistic faster than the speed of light I actually stopped myself - and … Continue reading Sandwiches, Shoe Polish and Schaden Freude
When I was still married to Farquhar Bastardcelot we lived in a house by the sea. It had three bedrooms. Princess PITA had one, Fartichoke had another and FB had the biggest. Our marriage was a war zone and I used to sleep on the couch. Princess PITA would never go into FB's room, I … Continue reading The Red Eyed Man
The recipe says these are "to die for”… Or possibly “of” - the writing's a little unclear….” Death by Fudge1 1/2 cups sugar 5 fl oz evaporated milk 2 tablespoons butter 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 cups miniature marshmallows 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips 1/2 cup chopped almonds 2 teaspoons amaretto or almond extract Cyanide to … Continue reading For that UN-Special Someone
Sometimes people can’t grasp the concept of why we stayed with toxic people. I say “WE” because I was a battered spouse. I had so many bones broken that I stopped counting - yet I didn’t leave.. When you’re in the middle of a war zone all you can think about is a safe place … Continue reading Domestic Abuse
By now you’ve probably realised, Names Are Being Changed. I’m not really Britchy - wait, yes I am - but it’s not my actual NAME!! I thought I’d better start a post where the cast was explained so here it is! I’ll add to it as more reprobates appear.. Family ’im indoors - hubby Fartichoke … Continue reading The Cast of Characters
Titselina Bumsqueak and I have a long history of laughter - way back to the last century in fact! That’s something I love saying, “last century”! It’s kind of scary when you realize this years HS graduating classes weren’t even born then - but I digress! Last time I visited TB she was still living … Continue reading Dave Douchenugget and the PG Tips.
Bitchin’ in the Kitchen 