Yes you read that right. You know how sometimes things seem like a good idea but then they’re not? Yeah. Me too!
Before we moved to this house, we had a tiny utility room. Because of the stupid way the fuse boards and venting were put in, it was big enough for the washer and dryer but that was about it. It was more of a glorified cupboard in all honesty. It wasn’t that small, just a lot of useless space. Anyway, ‘im indoors had left the dryer door open (it opened downwards like a handy shelf when it was open) He’d taken one load out and had taken it away before switching laundry over. Alfred, the Farting Beagle was chasing Saddam Pussein who jumped up on the dryer and up on to a shelf above. Alfred (so named because he is a No Ball Prize Winner) wasn’t letting Saddam get away that easily. No sirree! At full thundering gallop he launched himself using the open dryer door as a spring board.
Except he didn’t spring exactly, he broke it.
’im indoors came back and, having no one to blame but himself, said “oh dear”… At least I’m pretty sure that’s what he would have said if he hadn’t been spewing more profanity than a flotilla of sailors who’d just been denied shore leave.
He had to order new parts and I had to put up with living with laundry strewn all around the house to dry for the next few days.
It got around to Saturday and he was going to FIX THE DRYER!!
He had to go into town to pick up a few bits but it was the dead of winter, it was cold, snowy and I was staying put! Princess PITA and I were home with Alfred and the cats. She was throwing a tennis ball for him and he managed to knock it in to the dryer. It’s a very deep dryer and I practically had to climb into the bloody thing to get the ball out. If the door had been attached I wouldn’t have been able to reach so everything that happened next was NOT my fault!
Princess PITA was laughing at me and said, “I bet you can’t fit in there”…
Oh she did it. When will I learn?!
It took a bit of finagling but I got in. I now know how a baby feels before it’s born when it’s overdue. It was all very funny – until I tried to get out. Like a complete muppet, I hadn’t taken my shoes off. I had heeled ankle boots on and no matter what I did they were catching. If there is ever an Olympic event for taking your shoes off in a tumble dryer – well let’s just say that’s an easy Gold for the US!
If there’s ever an Oscar for most incredulous look on a supporting actors face – well ‘im indoors has that nailed. He walked in on the middle of all this. The traitorous farting menace that started all this malarkey didn’t even bark to give us a warning! Is it any wonder I’m a cat lover?!
In one of his finer moments, ‘I’m indoors asked “what are you doing?”
What am I doing?
What. Am. I. Doing?!
Is it any wonder I’ve turned out like I have?!
I said the first thing I could think of that didn’t end in “ucking” or “off” – “Does my bum look big in this?” and promptly burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. Princess PITA was laughing her head off too which was pretty amazing… a cranky teenager, laughing with her mum?! there was obviously a plague of frogs somewhere!
Trying to get out was a problem. I couldn’t get out legs first as it was seriously hurting my back. That made sense really as I’d got in legs last. In the end I had to ooze out of the machine with my hands on the floor sliding the rest of me out like the Blob in a 50’s B horror movie!
On reflection, I think washing lines are much better.
On extra reflection, I’m very glad there are no photos of this.
Question-less Answers
• Yes I know that was bloody stupid.
• Yes I’m too old for dares
• No I don’t know what I was thinking.
• It seemed like a good idea at the time.
• Yes, starving children in third world countries wouldn’t do it.
• Pretty effin obviously, no!! I didn’t think to take my blasted shoes off first.
• No.
• Yes.
• Maybe.
• I thought it would shake my wrinkles out.
• Duh.
• I didn’t think
• Yes dear.
• How about a nice cup of STFU?
Bitchin’ in the Kitchen 
This had me laughing out loud! Brilliant post!!!!
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You’ve definitely got a lively beast in there delivering up the stories! Damn that there are no pictures. I’m hoping maybe you’re just saving them for later. ‘Cause you’ve got an audience that wants to see ’em. Looking forward to you taking on more dares.
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Love love love – thank you for brightening up my day with a good laugh
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I just received my first Blogger award today and I’ve nominated you for it as well. Loving your blog and can’t wait to go back and explore older posts.
journeytoimperfectionblog.wordpress.com/2018/03/02/my-first-blogger-award-yeah-me/
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I love the rawness of your posts! I can feel your emotion!
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Reblogged this on Bitchin’ in the Kitchen and commented:
Given that my shoulders are knackered I thought I’d share a tale of when I was able to do stupid stuff! Watch out though world, my shoulders are fixable and then you’ll know what trouble is!!
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This was effing hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂!
Loved the “Question-less Answers” too!
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This is why we can’t have nice things. 😂
This is also how we end up with torn rotator cuffs a couple of years later!!
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You are freaking hilarious. You need your own comedy special. 😂
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😂
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!!!!!!!!!!
Staggered…which is not wholly unusual when I read some of your posts!!!!!
Sorry to hear about your shoulders…I think my mama has had a few rounds of steroid injections….have you noticed a difference yet?
Take care our precious Britchy…we need you to be able to type these amazing posts!
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I may one day learn to think before acting… but it’s not really very likely!!
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There’s the Britchy I know. Hilarious story, thanks for sharing. Does your bum fit better in a front load or a top load? Just asking as this might be the next big thing in the fashion industry!
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See – a top loader would be easy! I could just stand up! Don’t talk to me about “fashion” unless you want your ears to explode! Have you seen those ridiculous jeans with huge cut out sections? Like the hole thigh exposed and just the seams left?! What the actual eff ?!! Why not just wear a pair of shorts?!
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Peacocking plain and simple Britchy, whatever it takes to snag a mate. As an observer, I find fashion quite interesting to be honest. Fashion also seems to be proof of our creation and further proof of God. The trends attempt to not only accentuate our bodies, but highlight what is desirable in a mate, the curves of a women are to highlight her ability to carry a baby the structure of a man is to highlight the muscles that protect. We dress as if we are naked, only wanting to draw attention to the hips, or the breast, the shoulders, the arms and the legs.
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I’m not so sure.. honestly I think most men dress for comfort and women seem to dress more to impress other women than men. Men don’t pay attention to accessories, bags, shoes etc but women do. I know women will size up what I’m wearing far more than any man will
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you’re probably right
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Awesome post. 🙂
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Thank you honeybun 😊
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😘💞💞😊
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You got a nice moment with your daughter. It must have been worth it.
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………………*adds no daughters to Goldie facts*…………
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You got some weird deduction skills.
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This is true! I know cake though so the important stuff is covered
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I am still laughing my head off or should I say my butt,considering the situation?😂😂😂😂😂😂
And I am at the same time grateful I don’t have a dryer so that nobody can dare me 😱but now you make me wonder if I might fit in the extra cockpit fridge I have in the laundry for my husband games.🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Fridges are easy because they have bigger doors but very dangerous as air tight so don’t try unless the door is off!
Also NEVER wear shoes in the fridge as if you pierce the lining with your shoe all the gas will escape and terrify you and the fridge will be no good any more..
Don’t ask how I know this!!
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That is a serious, technically accurate sounding response / warning to ‘not try this at home’ Britchy?! Sounds like another experiment in bottom reduction gone terribly wrong.
I have multiple pictures in my head of you in both 😂😂
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With good reason!! 😆
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Oh boy……you know far too much about stacking yourself in a fridge……did you try that too?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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I might have been.. but I had accomplices!!
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😱you are my hero!
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