The Joy of Sex – or How to Get Clucked by Your Healthcare Plan.

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,

Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,

Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting,

Lizard’s leg, and howlet’s wing,

For a charm of powerful trouble,

Like a hell-broth,

Boil and bubble

I’m really not too sure about these generic meds under Obamacare…

I have a dreadful attitude towards doctors. According to doctors at any rate! The problem is, I don’t respect their Godliness (their opinion) and they don’t appreciate my determination to be a part of my own care. With some of the stuff they’ve put me through it’s no surprise.

After their attempt at assassination by anesthesia last year, it’ll be a snowy day in hell before I go under the knife again! Bit of a problem there as – I’ve naffed my shoulders. Both of them. I don’t do things by halves. This pain has been going on without getting any better for a couple of months and I finally reached breaking point. I caved and made an appointment to see the doctor.

I avoid visiting Doctors like the plaque. Sitting in their waiting room with all those sick people is like a trip to the Casino but everyone’s a winner. You know you’ll be going home with just the flu if you’re lucky, Scabies, head lice or Ebola if not.

The nurse practitioner, a descendant of Elizabeth Bathory, decided after three unsuccessful attempts at taking my blood pressure to leave it for the doctor (she can’t read a manual BP????) so instead she had to update my info.

All the same stupid questions every time. So I played.

Do you have any allergies?Stupid people and cottage cheese. You can’t be allergic to cottage cheese!! Bring a pot in here lady and see how fast I start projectile vomiting!!

Have you ever had thoughts of suicide or depression? Every single time I have to face making a doctors appointment.

Do you have any discomfort on urination? YES!! (I actually shouted that and nearly scared the urination out of her!!) I have EXTREME discomfort every time I use a public toilet and there’s that bloody gap in the door. WHY DO YOU DO THAT AMERICA?! I like to pee in private! I don’t want to see other people gawping at me!

I think she was truly regretting having started this! She braved one more question though

Have you ever had any sexually transmitted diseases? Only children.

That it seems was the final straw. My medical history was abandoned like the Marie Celeste and I was doomed to wait for the Doctor on my own because I’m obviously a hostile patient. The long and the short of it is I have to go to the bone doctor a week on Friday so – I hope they have insurance!!

I had an email just a few minutes ago from my dad. You may remember his antics at Moher! If so, this will come as no surprise!

‘……I don’t know if I told you the latest about the hip problem. I asked the quack to look into the cost of a private operation because somebody told me his hip was done for €5,000. Apparently the first 3 surgeons he contacted said that because of my health record,they were not prepared to operate but the first agreed to see me. He said he would do the operation for about €12,000,but the risk of complications – up to and including death- would put the insurance through the roof. He advised me to wait until I got to the top of the Health Service waiting list, and they would kill me for nothing.’

I love my dad lol

53 thoughts on “The Joy of Sex – or How to Get Clucked by Your Healthcare Plan.

      1. That does make a lot more sense. As a guy, I’m more bothered by urinals that have no dividers between them. The absolute worst are the big trough-like urinals they have at stadiums. No thanks.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. It is so unnerving! I am always frightened when a kid comes in because once one just stood at the gap staring in at me taking a pee and the mother never said anything!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 😮😮😮 omg! Where are the parents? That man could have done anything if he weren’t a nice man.

        I would curl up in a bright red ball and never come out if that were me on the toilet. Toilet time is private time – unless you have a cat, then you don’t have a choice 😂😁

        Liked by 3 people

  1. I feel THE SAME WAY ABOUT DOCTORS!!!! I’ve had a few quacks in my time and they scare the heebie-jeebies out of me. Luckily for me, my last boss was a doctor, and I trusted her with stabbing me (lancing an infected spider-bite, but, really, what’s the difference?). If not, I might’ve just let the wound kill me

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Helen, you and I need to go to the doctors together, they see my red hair and know I’m trouble and being a nurse I ask the questions they don’t want to answer. Love your dad’s comments, bet he gives ’em hell .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No BUT – I get really panicky about stuff too close to my face. Oxygen masks, MRIs.. can’t even think about scuba stuff or Halloween masks. It’s not the dentist that freaks me out, it’s those lights and a dentist and nurse standing over me with all that stuff near my face. If the dentist is amenable to backing off when I need breathing space it’s okay.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It seems you are a ‘chip off the old block’.
    I can’t believe that it is standard for American toilet stalls to have gaps!? 😱 I can’t stand the thought of it! No, I’m not coming over there. Give me the solid, lockable, floor to ceiling privacy door/walls. I particularly hate it when little (probably worse if they’re big, TBH) stick their heads underneath.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s