Although I was born and raised in England, I spent large portions of my life in Ireland. My parents moved there and built a house when they retired so that’s where I go to visit my Dad these days.
My Dad has always been somewhat deaf but it’s worsened with age to the point where he now can’t hear at all. It’s quite hilarious as he thinks I now talk with an American accent (I don’t!!) My brother told him I sounded American as a joke and he believed him. I can’t disillusion him because he thinks it’s great! He always says “You do the talking” when we go places as “The Irish love Yanks!”
Sadly, as his deafness increased so did his volume and he could now go into battle with the foghorn on a cross channel ferry and win! Let’s just say subtlety isn’t his strong point..
While I was visiting in May last year we took a run to the Cliffs of Moher in County Clare. It’s absolutely amazing. Staggeringly stark beauty. If it doesn’t take your breath away well, there’s something wrong with you!
I’d nipped in to the loo and when I came out Dad was browsing in the gift shop. That man is definitely in touch with his feminine side, he bloody loves gift shops! I was having a grand old time looking at a load of guff to take home to everyone when he came over, almost crying he was laughing so hard. He’d found this replica number plate..
..and was adamant I had to buy it for Fartichoke! I knew my son would love it so I trotted off merrily to pay for my haul. Once we were outside again he wanted to take a pic of me holding the number plate up under the Cliffs of Moher sign.
Always keen to make a complete donkeys arse of myself, I readily obliged. There were two women watching and laughing. Americans – and they asked where I got my number plate so I told them. They thought it was “a hoot” so I told them it was for my son who lived in NC.
One of them looked at me like I was dog poop and said “Oh I don’t think I’d tell anyone I had family THERE”
This kind of really pissed me off but I didn’t want my Dad to twig it was getting nasty. I smiled sweetly and said “You ladies sound like you’re from New York” (They sounded as common as muck actually but one had an NY key ring hanging off her bag.)
She said “Oh you have a good ear” so I said – still smiling – sweetly – “No, not really, every judgemental spineless bitch I’ve ever met comes from there so it was an easy guess”
Disclaimer: I do NOT think this. I currently live in Upstate NY myself – but I wanted to piss them off.
They shut up pretty quickly when they realized I would give as good as I got. Dad said – at the top of his voice “I was surprised you talked to them. They looked like a couple of right old bitchy hoooores” (Irish pronunciation of whore)
I just about died on the spot of trying not to laugh while he merrily carried on at full foghorn volume..”I said hoooore not whore so they wouldn’t understand, I thought it would be better to be discreet”
Everyone around was literally howling with laughter and he was stood there like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, all pleased with himself for his tact and diplomacy!
Be warned, I intend to age in EXACTLY the same manner – whether I’m deaf or not!! I’ve been practicing since I turned 18!