Today was the day. Seeing the bone doctor about my shoulders. I was dreading it. I hadn’t thought about it before but I suddenly realized – there was a definite risk of pain.
By the time I’d actually got to the Doctors offices I’d worked myself up into a right state. Once again we had to go through all the address/ insurance provider/ phone number/ next of kin shite.
That in itself takes a good half hour and I was sat with my clipboard and leaky pen (I’m sure they buy boxes of leaky biro’s so that no one steals them.
Oh lucky me. I was sat next to Farty McShitmahpants. He was really wafting some noxious fumes. I’m pretty sure he had a life long aversion to soap and a water. Or maybe Rabies. Probably both. It was a relief when he was called I’m telling you!
The smell kind of lingered behind him though, an unwelcome olfactory echo. It made me think, what if the person before you had sat farting on the chair? Or had a sweaty bum? It’s no good. I’m going to have to incinerate the clothes I was wearing.
There I sat. Pondering thoughts no good would come of, until FINALLY I was called. At least.. I THINK I was called. With the way they mangled my name it could have been anyone!
So off we go. Me and Nurse Sally Sunshine. Remember that happy clappy nun in Sister Act? This was her clone.
The usual weight, blood pressure, allergies etc and then the wait for an infinity for Dr Shiner Bonedome.
He bounces in with a “Heyyyy Gurl” The compulsion to come back with “Yo homeboy” nearly overwhelmed me but I refrained. No idea where that level of decorum came from but I can assure you that
A. It was a one-off and
B. It will probably never happen again.
So we get to the “Why are you here today?” Question. Again.
So I tell him. Again. I’ve knackered (technical term) both my shoulders and it’s hampering my shenanigans! I mentioned in passing that my neck hurt too so straight off to X Ray I go.
Turns out my neck is in a bit of a fix. It should have a nice curve but it’s kind of kinky. I refused to take prednisone so I’m just having four weeks of therapy and then reassessment.
As to my shoulders well he put one hand on my shoulder and went to move my arm.
My anxiety about getting hurt went waaay off the scale and I kind of hissed at him and snarled
“You hurt me I’m going to twist your nuts so hard you’ll whistle the star spangled banner every time you try to pee.”
Yeah. No idea where that came from.
He dropped my arm and took a step back like I was radioactive and said well let’s just see if physical therapy on your neck helps with your shoulders. If it doesn’t we’ll do an MRI.
We need a new doctor nurse. I broke this one!
Hope he doesn’t spoil my fun by pre warning the physical therapist!!