Monkey Business

~ the britchy one

So I have this friend who we’ll call ‘Mary Hinge’ (cos that’s not her name)

My girl has a bit of a disability.

She’s deaf. She must be.

She didn’t listen to my Anglo Saxon monologue warning and went and got herself married. Sentenced to life by a gold band and a big cake. Now I love cake as much as the next girl but seriously? Some prices are too high!

Anyhow. Mary sent me a pressie! A good one! A “not a restraining order” kind of pressie!!

She sent me a motion activated monkey in a barrel that pops up and says peek a boo!! It’s just adorable and I love it.

Mary is a sweet and trusting soul. This isn’t the first battery operated toy she’s sent me but it is the first one I’ve taken to work. (Honest)

I don’t think she quite realized how much abuse I could inflict with this little monkey heh heh heh

I decided to have a practice run so I put it on the dining room table.

‘im indoors walked through to get the mail but it didn’t go off. I was a little peeved but when he walked back through old Chucky trilled “peekaboo”!!

‘im indoors yelled “what the truck?” and jumped about three feet sideways scattering mail and dropping a parcel.

In fairness to me, the silly arse didn’t tell me he had ordered some weird ass light bulbs.

“Retarded” “homicidal” and “insane” featured heavily in his three minute soliloquy describing my better qualities. He really should relax a bit. It’s not good for you to get that worked up.

We have a back stair case with out a window that Princess PITA likes to use so I put Chucky half way up.

And waited 🙂

She came running in the back door and headed straight upstairs to the loo (unexpected bonus points for me!)

That girl has a pair of lungs on her, I’ll tell you that for nothing. She has quite a command of profanity too. “Evil” “bitch” and “psycho-effin-pathic” were used this time.

We had a kind of Russian roulette game of scaring the snot out of each other at work. I have NOOO idea who started it but I was definitely winning! Our poor office administrator had developed quite a nervous twitch bless her.

This time it was Chucky sat under her desk and not me (I admit I had played insie winsie spider on her leg before this.)

She sat down and Chucky waited.

I bloody waited too. I wasn’t going to my office until she got got. She turned in her chair to talk to us and..

PEEKABOO!!

She skidded across the floor on her chair shouting “what the chuck?!” I think she must have already known his name was Chucky ‘cos otherwise that would’ve been a pretty good guess.

Unfortunately she used the same old adjectives all over again. Repeatedly. Sadly this means I can’t do a readers digest moment and enrich your word power.

I’ll try harder tomorrow.

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

20 thoughts on “Monkey Business”

  3. Ooh, you wonderfully devious fiend. I love these entries, when I see you have posted I sit back ready for a good giggle. You are an evil mastermind! 😂🤣😂😆😆😆 amazing!!!

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  4. OMG I love this one! I am rather stealthy and often sneak up on people at work and just stand there. And wait. Than they turn around and scream bloody murder while I laugh and laugh and laugh. I love being scared. Scream and giggle like a little kid. Mom used to call me a wraith, because one minute I wasn’t there and the next I was. 🙂

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