When The Scariest Part Of A Movie Is The Audience..

~ the britchy one

I may need an alibi. Fartichoke texted me and told me he saw a trailer for a film with me in it.

I was thinking “The Devils Double”

He was thinking “The Smurfs”

Guess which one of us is going blue???

I haven’t been to the cinema in AGES. I really want to go and see Mamma Mia 2 but no one will go with me (Bastards) This is quite possibly because I have been known to misbehave in cinemas. I don’t know why this was a surprise to anyone really. If I’m going to scare people in broad daylight then a dark room with noise masking my intentions and a hoooge screen as a distraction is pretty much a given.

Princess PITA and I went to see a film called Lights Out a couple of years ago.

It was okay, a bit tense in parts but not really that scary. There was only us and two lads in there and they were shovelling popcorn down their necks and talking loudly the whole time.

She didn’t do well with it though and she was as jumpy as could be. I was rooting in my bag for sweeties and found a little mini torch.

If there’s one thing you’ve probably realised it’s that I HAVE to act on shit I think of. All I can say is thank God bungee jumping never crosses my mind because I have no head for heights- I get dizzy on a new carpet.

I am always cold in cinemas at the best of times. This was a nasty snowy winters night so I had my whacking great ankle length down coat on. I may look like a cross between Maleficent and a Grizzly but I’m WARM!

I pulled the coats oversized collar up around my head and turned the torch on under my chin. I made a grunty-groan kind of sound so Princess PITA turned to look at me –

and she screamed the bloody place down!

I turned off the torch and slung it in my pocket and said ‘WTF?! What’s the matter?!’

She thought she must have hallucinated because of the flashing lights on the film. A manager came to see if she was alright and, thinking she was terrified, gave us a pair of free tickets for another film! Result!

When I lived in Cyprus I made friends with a girl stationed at a RAF base there . We went to see Fatal Attraction at a Cinema on base one afternoon thinking it would be dead quiet.

We were dead wrong!

The cinema filled up behind us with what felt like every lad stationed there. We were the only two females in the audience and there were scenes where the comments were yelled, lewd, crude and raucous!

It got to a tense bit where she’s doing the deranged stuff and you could have heard a pin drop. The whole audience was on edge.

It was all a bit too much for one poor fella, he jumped up, pointed a shaking arm and screeched ‘She’s behind you!’ in a great panic at the screen.

I bet he still hasn’t lived it down to this day..

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

20 thoughts on “When The Scariest Part Of A Movie Is The Audience..”

  3. A pity we are not closer,I would certainly go with you and I would bring my movie friend SJ she is a screamer and a seat jumper at the cinema and bare in mind we don’t go to see horror or thriller 😳🤣

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  4. Excellent as usual!!

    Reminds of the time l went to see Jaws, well it’s not like l actually went to see it, l did nand l didn’t. My family and l were returning home to Blightyin 77 from Australia on a cruise ship and we were using the cinema and Jaws happened to be showing. My Mother refused to go and my Sister was too young, so that left my Dad and myself to brave it.

    Well l wanted to go because l loved sharks and still do, and Dad wasn’t particularly bothered. But anyway, at his own concession he said he was brave so l guess l had to roll with that, except l found out that he wasn’t as brave as he suggested!!!!

    For some bizarre reason there was a woman sitting in front of us with quite possibly the biggest bouffant l have ever seen on a living being, and my comparison was the female version of Frankenstein, so you have an idea what l mean!

    Now there is a scene in the film that is both memorable and to some frightening, but l was not to find out what that was for another five years when l got the film on video because of bloody bouffant head! Most nervous person in the cinema that day NEXT to my Dad!!

    The scene l refer to is the moment Dreyfus is down by the ravaged Orca and a head bobs out of the shark torn hull after he plucks out a tooth from the wood. Well bouffant head made me miss that scene because she jumped so high that l missed the next three minutes of film whilst the cinema recovered from her fluffing about, she made my Dad jump so high and l am not even sure if he even saw the magical head bobbing moment because of the mass of untidy and unruly hair that suddenly exploded from the real head in front of us!

    Now she pissed me off with her scaredy cat imbecility l have to be honest. That scene was obviously worth a seeing but l missed it because of someone with an out of date fifties hairstyle, so l had to have my revenge!

    it was bad enough that l had to watch the film practically resting my head on the shoulder brute of the man sitting next to me, so much so that l was developing a crick!

    So l waited until that scene in the film whendreyfuss is down in the cage and the shark is snouting 10 barrels out of him before l suddenly leapt up and screamed at the top of my voice “Shhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark!!!” And suddenly the whole audience screamed and jumped and l swear nearly wet themselves, my Dad and Bouffant well they were veering on hysterics and Dad was asked if l was ‘special needs??’ and had problems????

    Twas funny, perhaps not that l had apparently embarrassed him, but well worth it to see even more bouffant running freely across from the front seat!!

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  7. You have to pay to see Mama Mia 2? What is the premise of the movie? Did the courts reverse their decision on the child support payments and now Meryl Streep is forced to sleep around to raise the money to avoid jail time?!?!?!?!

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