I may need an alibi. Fartichoke texted me and told me he saw a trailer for a film with me in it.
I was thinking “The Devils Double”
He was thinking “The Smurfs”
Guess which one of us is going blue???
I haven’t been to the cinema in AGES. I really want to go and see Mamma Mia 2 but no one will go with me (Bastards) This is quite possibly because I have been known to misbehave in cinemas. I don’t know why this was a surprise to anyone really. If I’m going to scare people in broad daylight then a dark room with noise masking my intentions and a hoooge screen as a distraction is pretty much a given.
Princess PITA and I went to see a film called Lights Out a couple of years ago.
It was okay, a bit tense in parts but not really that scary. There was only us and two lads in there and they were shovelling popcorn down their necks and talking loudly the whole time.
She didn’t do well with it though and she was as jumpy as could be. I was rooting in my bag for sweeties and found a little mini torch.
If there’s one thing you’ve probably realised it’s that I HAVE to act on shit I think of. All I can say is thank God bungee jumping never crosses my mind because I have no head for heights- I get dizzy on a new carpet.
I am always cold in cinemas at the best of times. This was a nasty snowy winters night so I had my whacking great ankle length down coat on. I may look like a cross between Maleficent and a Grizzly but I’m WARM!
I pulled the coats oversized collar up around my head and turned the torch on under my chin. I made a grunty-groan kind of sound so Princess PITA turned to look at me –
and she screamed the bloody place down!
I turned off the torch and slung it in my pocket and said ‘WTF?! What’s the matter?!’
She thought she must have hallucinated because of the flashing lights on the film. A manager came to see if she was alright and, thinking she was terrified, gave us a pair of free tickets for another film! Result!
When I lived in Cyprus I made friends with a girl stationed at a RAF base there . We went to see Fatal Attraction at a Cinema on base one afternoon thinking it would be dead quiet.
We were dead wrong!
The cinema filled up behind us with what felt like every lad stationed there. We were the only two females in the audience and there were scenes where the comments were yelled, lewd, crude and raucous!
It got to a tense bit where she’s doing the deranged stuff and you could have heard a pin drop. The whole audience was on edge.
It was all a bit too much for one poor fella, he jumped up, pointed a shaking arm and screeched ‘She’s behind you!’ in a great panic at the screen.
I bet he still hasn’t lived it down to this day..