Me: “You spell light, ‘L-I-G-F-T’ don’t you?”
‘im indoors: You idiot, there’s no f in light!!!
Me: I know, I’ve just had to wee in the dark.
I am not appreciated *sigh*
It seems my methods of car theft prevention are under appreciated around these parts too.
I’m not exactly an Amazon. I’m 5’1” without heels and 108lbs. I mostly drive a Mini Cooper (because it’s stick shift and I prefer that)
I’ve got to be honest and admit I did not have the best of intentions when I bought my Mini. I was tentatively eyeing up an Audi TT as well but ‘I’m indoors overplayed his hands and said he wouldn’t mind driving that ‘sometimes’. I knew how that would go so I decided there and then I liked the Mini better! He’s 6 foot tall so he finds the Mini too low and awkward getting in and out of.
Most car burglars depend on speed and stealth. Therefore the best way to thwart them is to slow them down and make them VERY noticeable.
I think I’d have been just ducky at counter intelligence!
Before I get out of the car I like to raise the seat up, lower the steering wheel and shunt the seat as far forward as I can. I also turn the stereo up to the highest volume immediately before turning the engine off. Once the engine is off and the keys are out you can’t fiddle with the stereo, so whoever drives it next better be ready to have ear drums shattered if they aren’t quick. That is of course if they can even get in!
My piece du resistance is to let rip before I get out but that has backfired on me before!
I have a secret supplies kit in the boot too. Cling film, Lip stick, string and tin cans. Honestly no car should ever be without lipstick, you just never know when it’ll come in handy.
If I’m parking in an unknown area, I cling film a couple of windows and write on it with the lipstick. No one realises it’s cling film, they just see a car covered in profanity and look for an easier mark. I’ve also tied cans to the tow rope loop at the back and kicked them under the car. If someone steals it they’ll be clattering down the road and drawing full attention to themselves!
I think all of these are great but ‘im indoors – well he isn’t a fan. He tried to check a warning light in my Mini yesterday and couldn’t sit in until he adjusted everything. He was assailed by a fearsome stench (I really shouldn’t eat eggs and licorice on the same day) and then when he tried to turn the engine on to check the error message he nearly lost his marbles at the racket!!
It’s quite fitting really that it was the ‘bare bum’ light ‘cos he made a total arse of himself!!