Of all the life advice I can give – don’t wear shoes in the fridge probably isn’t necessary for anyone but me…
Welcome to the daily insanity brought to you today by …well who else do you think of when the sentence has ‘insanity’ in it?!
This incident occurred before the washing machine incident. You’d think I’d learned my lesson that domestic appliances aren’t toys but no. We still had adventures with food mixers, blenders and microwaves ahead yet (separate incidents, I have never microwaved a blender. Yet)
So waaay back in the day, Titselina Bumsqueak and I had idle hands. It wasn’t just the devil that made work for idle hands, my mum did too. This was back in the days when my mum owned a hotel so there was nothing for it, we were set to making beds. Child labour was a wonderful thing in those days, if you weren’t a child that is. We weren’t either, we were 18/19 but as is the ways of parenthood. In the eyes of those that birthed you, You Are Always A Child and as such, You Can Always Be Told Off.
Kids today don’t know they’re born..
We shuffled off to grab sheets and pillowcases – it wouldn’t have crossed our minds to refuse!! We got quite lucky actually as the chambermaids had already done the majority of the work so I think we made two beds apiece. We snuck down the back stairs and lurked in the pantry so we weren’t assigned any more jobs. This was also where cakes, gateaus etc were kept so we had a little quality assurance session while we hid out!
There we sat, on stainless steel counters, swinging our legs and talking about fellas as you do when you’re18/19! One of the fridges was empty for a deep clean and all the shelves were soaking in the pan bash (giant bathtub sized sink)
TB had a brainwave. I had to climb in the fridge, she’d shut the door when someone was coming then she would ask for help and I’d fall out on them like a corpse! We almost needed new knickers we were laughing so hard picturing it! We decided to have a trial run to perfect our plot and all I can say is thank goodness for trial runs. When in prank mode, always have a trial run. It can save a lot of trouble further down the line.
We jumped down off the counter – an easier task for TB than me as she was six inches taller than me. I never went anywhere without ankle snapping stilettos though so we didn’t look like little and large! I could run for the bus and jump on in six inch heels in those days. These days I nearly have a seizure running a bath!
Anyway, she ceremoniously opened the door and I climbed in. Thankfully she hadn’t shut the door when we both heard a loud violent hissing sound. What the heck?
I looked at her.
She looked at me.
We both looked and saw my heel sticking through the liner of the fridge. The hissing was gas escaping.
Freaking Superman couldn’t have shut that door and legged it faster than we did. We were gone. We were out of the kitchen and escaped the building faster than you could blink. We hid out at TB’s house for a couple of hours and then slunk back furtively.
Mum was on the rampage. Some blithering idiot must have dropped something in the fridge – it looked like a knife and the bloody thing was wrecked!
We were shocked and stunned and “Who would do such a thing” with the best of them! She never guessed it was us and unless they have WordPress in heaven, she won’t! We WOULD have owned up if someone else was getting the blame but since it was a generic stink eye we kept shtum!
Oh and yes I DO know fridges are very dangerous. Don’t ever get inside one because they seal air tight and you will suffocate. If you ever have to dispose of a fridge please take the door off so children and animals can’t get trapped in it. See, I can be responsible and save the Earth and shit.