Every Hands A Winner And Every Hands A Loser

~ the britchy one

You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em..

That Kenny Rogers song is rattling around in my noggin and won’t go away.

Sometimes you can’t help people no matter how hard you try. Knowing when to step back… and doing it – well they’re two of the hardest things ever to learn and to follow through with.

You feel guilty. You feel like you’re giving up on your friends or family and they will compound that.

Here’s the thing. If someone doesn’t want to help themselves or isn’t ready to change you’re just wasting your time. That doesn’t mean you have to accept or condone, just that you have to be there when they’re finally ready to take your hand and use it to pull THEMSELVES up.

Rock bottom is different for everyone and I really believe that until people hit their own rock bottom they don’t start fighting their way up. Where that is varies but when the only way is up that’s where you have to go – or drown.

I’ll always be here with my hand out to help but I can’t pull anyone else’s weight without them trying to help themselves too. You can’t save someone from drowning by drowning yourself.

The hardest bit is when someone chooses to sink instead of swim. When their self destructive actions and disregard for themselves or others puts the people who want to help them at risk.

None of us can pull them out of a grave and it’s very hard wishing you could have helped more when all you can do is visit a name on a piece of granite.

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

29 thoughts on “Every Hands A Winner And Every Hands A Loser”

  6. We have to remember that we can not live their lives for them. You can be there to offer support in many ways but ultimately they make their own decisions. If you have done what you can or what you feel is the best way to help them then you have no reason the feel guilty.

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      1. Try to keep it in check because it can really bring you down. Maybe keep reminding yourself that some things are out of your control. If you need more reminding just give me a shout.

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  9. So true, it hurts to accept this. There have been so many situations where I have tried to help in my family with a couple of family members and they are the only ones that can make the changes. The only thing we can do is love them and sometimes when it gets really bad we can only love them from a distance, in order to keep our own sanity intact.

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  10. sounds easy enough….. knowing when to walk away but you think a large sign would appear in the sky like traffic lights shining green and bright telling to proceed and walk away or bright red like brake lights telling you to stop and do nothing……..
    ~B

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  11. We can all only do so much Britchy sadly, sometimes the hardest steps have to be taken by ourselves and not by another, but we need to recognise and identify the problem first, once done the struggle becomes a lot easier. But it’s not easy.

    I think back now to a couple of months ago, where my Sister and l were simply trying to help our dying Father and yet would he accept help? Nope, and what happened, he fell one too many times and had to go to hospital, which could have been avoided had it not been for pride and stubborness, which is also a big issue in what you write about. Quality post, seriously, nicely done.

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