It’s only one more day until tomorrow so I thought I’d share some jokes that I find very funny – if you are ‘infantile’ like me, enjoy!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says “I think we got this joke wrong”
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks” I said “Don’t mention it”
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “no it doesn’t”
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster. What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them? NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW.
What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones. But people in Abu Dhabi do!
Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line” Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.