A friend and I were out shopping this morning and got into a lift (elevator) with a guy with horrific dandruff. When he got out she turned to me and said “Someone needs to give him some head and shoulders”
I’ve been thinking all morning and I just can’t work it out.. how in HELL do you give shoulders???
Having lunch in a pub is hazardous to health.
A complete moron had the cheek to tell me that “God put milk and eggs in your body so obviously you’re meant to cook”.
Obviously two black eyes would make HIM a panda. Wanker.
We were queueing to pay in Macy’s (nice and quietly I might add) when a guy pushed right past me to reach at something on the desk. Not only did he tread on my foot and hurt me but he didn’t apologise AND HE TUTTED AT ME!! Rochester was full of people who had lost the will to live it seems. I piped up ‘Excuse me, I think my foot is under your shoe’ … and he rolled his eyes and stepped back! I snarled ‘Yes asshole, you can kiss me right on the pooper’. Honestly, I didn’t even feel myself opening my mouth let alone have foreknowledge of what was going to be said.
I think I need an exorcism- I seriously can’t be this bad without an inner demon or two
And finally, did you know you can’t swype on a computer keyboard? I do now..
Aren’t you proud of me for not blaming the cat?!