Day 10 on the Magical Musical Advent Calendar

Today’s prompt is for a song that makes you sad. There’s a lot of songs this applies as well sadly. We all have songs that bring back painful memories. I’m definitely only picking one of these because I don’t want to spend my day in a black hole.

My mums death was very painful. We didn’t have a great relationship and I was surprised by how hard I found it. It’s taken me a while to realize I was mourning the mother I desperately wanted and didn’t have. I craved both affection and acknowledgement and now I couldn’t have either.

One thing I learned early on is that I wasn’t going to let myself drown in a situation I could do nothing to improve so whilst I have some regrets, I have people who love me and who I love and I’m lucky beyond price.

I knew she was dying. My daughter was having a back surgery and I wasn’t going anywhere until she was through that. She was my priority. Mum was unconscious. She had Alzheimer’s and wouldn’t have known I was there. I wanted to say goodbye for me. This is hard to write. Wow.

Anyway, my daughters surgery went well so I booked a flight. This was very close to St Patrick’s Day so flights were hard to find to Ireland. I booked a flight on Thursday evening for Saturday. That was the best I could get and I had to actually fly to London and then fly to Ireland to do it.

I was driving to work on Friday morning and a song came on the radio. It was about 7:45. I was just about to pull into the car park thank God because I lost it’s dead started bawling.

My mum used to sing a silly song when we were kids. I thought she made it up because I had never ever heard anyone else sing it or mention it. She sang it to my kids when they were babies too and I remember rolling my eyes!

I’d forgotten it. Completely forgotten all about it. To hear it played on the radio sent shivers through me. I knew it was a sign and I wouldn’t be there in time to say goodbye.

Sure enough, my brother texted me at 9:30 my time to say she’d died about an hour before.

I think that was her goodbye.

The Unicorn Song – The Irish Rovers

The view out of my bedroom window in Ireland.

25 thoughts on “Day 10 on the Magical Musical Advent Calendar

  1. Sorry to read the loss of your mother included losses in your life up to and after her death. Alzheimer’s takes multiple decades of lives as it progresses to the end. Perhaps your difficulties with her may have been the early stages of her disease. I hope you found some peace while writing this post. I remember my mom singing that song too! Catchy tunes tend to stick in our memory banks.

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  2. Wow – you didn’t know the Unicorn song? The Irish Rovers would not be impressed. (I’m just teasing.) I am sorry it has such negative memories for you. I swear some people just don’t understand how the human family works.

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  3. When my paternal grandmother was dying, my father got on a plane to go to New Zealand to see her. She died while he was on the plane. On the plane, he suddenly found himself thanking God for giving her peace, and knew then that she had passed. Sure enough, when he landed, he found out she had.

    Liked by 1 person

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