Today’s prompt is for a song that makes you sad. There’s a lot of songs this applies as well sadly. We all have songs that bring back painful memories. I’m definitely only picking one of these because I don’t want to spend my day in a black hole.
My mums death was very painful. We didn’t have a great relationship and I was surprised by how hard I found it. It’s taken me a while to realize I was mourning the mother I desperately wanted and didn’t have. I craved both affection and acknowledgement and now I couldn’t have either.
One thing I learned early on is that I wasn’t going to let myself drown in a situation I could do nothing to improve so whilst I have some regrets, I have people who love me and who I love and I’m lucky beyond price.
I knew she was dying. My daughter was having a back surgery and I wasn’t going anywhere until she was through that. She was my priority. Mum was unconscious. She had Alzheimer’s and wouldn’t have known I was there. I wanted to say goodbye for me. This is hard to write. Wow.
Anyway, my daughters surgery went well so I booked a flight. This was very close to St Patrick’s Day so flights were hard to find to Ireland. I booked a flight on Thursday evening for Saturday. That was the best I could get and I had to actually fly to London and then fly to Ireland to do it.
I was driving to work on Friday morning and a song came on the radio. It was about 7:45. I was just about to pull into the car park thank God because I lost it’s dead started bawling.
My mum used to sing a silly song when we were kids. I thought she made it up because I had never ever heard anyone else sing it or mention it. She sang it to my kids when they were babies too and I remember rolling my eyes!
I’d forgotten it. Completely forgotten all about it. To hear it played on the radio sent shivers through me. I knew it was a sign and I wouldn’t be there in time to say goodbye.
Sure enough, my brother texted me at 9:30 my time to say she’d died about an hour before.
I think that was her goodbye.
The view out of my bedroom window in Ireland.