Weight Loss, World Peace And Getting Whack Job Scientists Laid

Dear Whack Job Scientists,

If ever you feel like taking a break from some of your more ludicrous experiments like The Propulsion Parameters Of Penguin Poop, Fruit Bat Fellatio or The Impact Of Wet Underwear On Thermal Comfort In The Cold, I have a challenge for you that will make women fawn all over you.

I’ve watched the Big Bang Theory. Repeatedly. ‘im indoors is an addict. I know how you geeky nerd boys are over sexed so listen up.

Every woman’s dream isn’t Male. As I’ve stated before, every woman’s dream is to eat without getting fat. You whackos aren’t doing so good on the ‘diet’ products because that just takes the fun out of everything.. so it’s time to approach this from a different angle.

You need to get to work on rewiring the body. Let me explain. Our current methods of burning calories are inefficient and need to be rendered obsolete.

We are spending far too many hours exercising to burn calories when we could be bingeing on Netflix and cake simultaneously which is multitasking and thus, much more efficient. It was actually ‘netflix and chill’ which gave me the idea. Specifically the Chill.

I think noses need to be in charge. I currently have a cold and I have to tell you, I’m in AWE at the buckets of snot my nose can produce. I blow my nose and three seconds later, another bucketfull! This goes on 24/7. It’s endless and if that level of industry could be harnessed to burn calories, we could burn off 20lbs of blubber in an hour!

This would leave us more time to eat and would have the added advantage of creating World Peace.

No one declares War at dinner time, we’d be too busy making pizza to make war! Win, Win!

Instant weight loss – Side effect: World Peace.. now that’s the kind of project that’ll get you geeks laid so its a win all round.

Oh and if you can have side projects on self fuelling cars, dishwashers that load and unload themselves and cloning Colin Firth that’d be great

Yours sincerely,


69 thoughts on “Weight Loss, World Peace And Getting Whack Job Scientists Laid

  1. I would like to sign this petition! But can we amend it to include Tom Hiddleston in the clonin request? If not, I would still like to support

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Is there a way to program the cloning to only include things like reading sonnets to me and not critical thinking? lol or is that pushing it too far?

        Liked by 5 people

  2. I, too, am drowning in my own pool of snot as we speak. What? Do I have a cerebral fluid leak somewhere? Damn.

    I could have gotten through life just fine without knowing about fruit bat fellatio. 🙄😎 Can’t unsee that from imagination.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I wondered when I had the flu in November where the snot was coming from. It’s like a never-ending supply, but where’s it stored? There’s not room up there for ALL of that, surely?! Hope you kick the snot monster out soon, colds are miserable. And you’re right, Netflix & chill while eating cake is multi-tasking and it’s incredible that through your scientific evaluation of eating you’ve managed to find a solution for world peace. But why do you want to clone Firth? One Firth is quite enough, maybe even one too many. x

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thanks for reminding me…I need to empty the dishwasher soon. Not now, but soon. Eventually, probably before I make dinner. After I unload the dryer and start another load… tomorrow I visit a dentist. Where is Firth or Tom when you need one????

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Where’s Kristians??

        I am on my weekly catch up, and rather selfishly l start with you first, so l haven’t yet got to him, although he is second, so maybe if l pop over l will see his now 🙂

        I am not adverse, because l have been thinking of alternative ways to post if after surgery l can’t write so have been looking at other methods of posting.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oooh that would be great! Please do, you’d be fab and let’s face it, if we can’t have ‘The sun never sets on the British Empire’ anymore, with Kristian me and you we can have it on the podcasts instead!

        Liked by 1 person

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