Domestic… Bliss?!

It’s back to being just the two of us for a while which is nice. Well, the two of us and Daisy the devil dog. Oh and Milo the farting beagle, Chunks the Destroyer Of Cat Food And Hell Boy, the scaredy cat. But if you don’t count all of them – it’s just the two of us!

Confused? Good. That means you’re paying attention!

‘im indoors decided he was going to have some peanut butter on ritz crackers earlier. It’s his favourite ‘sick’ food. You know – the stuff you want to eat when you feel like death warmed up and At No Other Time.

I don’t currently have a favourite sick food. It USED to be Hot Ribena (blackcurrant cordial diluted with hot instead of cold water) and Heinz Cream Of Tomato Soup until a rather spectacular tummy bug mid 2018 when I threw it all up and totally Jackson Pollocksed the bathroom wall and shower curtain. We had to replace the shower curtain and repaint the wall it stained so badly. Happy days!! But – as usual – I digress.

Anyway, his Manbola isn’t any better. I think it might be developing into Manflammation of MENingitis. I’ll be ‘curing’ him with my antibiotic claw hammer if he doesn’t stop whining and sniffing and describing his snot flow, that’s a certainty.

He keeps his precious ritz crackers now the cupboard above my double oven along with a jar of peanut butter I don’t use. This way I don’t yell if there’s crumbs in it and we’re both happy. This cupboard is pretty high up. The doors are a good six inches or more above my head. He got his goodies out and shuffled across the kitchen to grab a plate and left the door open. I walked past and closed it so he didn’t hit his head. See?! I CAN be nice!! The fact that I didn’t want to listen to any more whining is immaterial- I was being NICE!!

Well stroppy balls got in a right tizzy about it. He spluttered that he left it open on purpose and walked back and opened it again!! You couldn’t make this shit up!! Anyway, he had his crackers and peanut butter (which is nasty and dries my mouth out just thinking about it!) – put his plate and knife in the dishwasher and walked across to put his crap away and yes Dear Reader, you guessed it! He smacked his smug fizzing straight into the cupboard door! He turned around howling like a banshee and tripped over the dishwasher door that he’d left open and did a spectacular swan dive to the floor landing with precision on his (fortunately) padded derrière!

It was at this point I learned he could speak Chinese. It definitely sounded like ‘Ai bang mi fa kin ni’ which is probably a Chinese blessing or something…

There’s a moral to all of this of course. LISTEN TO YOUR BLOODY WIFE DUMBASS!!

71 thoughts on “Domestic… Bliss?!

      1. Soft boiled eggs you can dip toast in! You cut the toast in half horizontally and cut each half in 4. Those are the ‘soldiers’ and their the perfect size for dipping in the egg! Don’t forget when you finish the egg to put a hole in the bottom of the empty shell so witches can’t use them for boats!
        Jeez childhood was complicated!!

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  1. I would like to take a moment to protest this post. Manbola is a VERY serious thing and should not be made fun of. Men are very delicate creatures and besides having manbola at the drop of a hat, posts like this can hurt our feelings. 😉

    I had to laugh at the soup and shower curtain story. All I could think of was Andy Warhol’s picture of the can of campbell’s tomato soup 😀

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Manbola is no laughing matter… ask any wife!!
      I didn’t realise that Andy Warhol pic was considered ‘art’ for years.. I honestly wondered why people thought the soup was so good they had an advert for it hanging on the wall

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I have never been cursed to have to deal with the manflu, so right now I feel a little bad for him because of the pain I bet he felt. But you were SO RIGHT! OMG! haha I’m sure next time he won’t listen either and then you’ll be right again.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ha ha totally brilliant. I have to keep shutting drawers and cupboards behind Suze who leaves them open and then criticizes me for doing so. The sad bit ls l do it because if l don’t it will be me who walks into it and not her!

    By the way l have gifted you, yes you read that right gifted you the Mystery Blogger award because you absolutely deserve it, but panic not you don’t have to do anything about it either, as you deserve that freedom 🙂

    https://aguycalledbloke.blog/2019/01/13/mystery-blogger-award-6-7/

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Every once in a while I ponder the “be invisible” or “fly” options. I’ll pick invisible, just to be in your house to observe the shite that goes on!

    I do like ‘im’s food choice, even better with spun honey 🍯.

    Do hope he feels better soon. And has no bruises of the butt or the ego!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “….Daisy the devil dog. Oh and Milo the farting beagle, Chunks the Destroyer Of Cat Food And Hell Boy, the scaredy cat….”

    Between your menagerie of critters in the house along with the antics of “stroppy balls”……. your home sounds like a fun place!!! You should charge admission for people to visit… and extra if “stroppy balls” is doing swan dives in the kitchen!

    Funny stuff!!! 😂😂😂😂 Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I may never recover (my breath). I’m laughing that hard. The imagery evoked by a person with a snotty hooter (nose) whacking his bean and then falling over another trap of his own making? Priceless!! Too bad you didn’t have a video camera handy….

    Your beagle farts? I mean farting isn’t all that unusual for any creature, but does this beagle fart a LOT? My brother’s beagle has never passed gas in my vicinity (that I’m aware of), but Hunydog has done her best to produce a gas of mass destruction. Hard to imagine in a creature that small…

    Thanks for the smiles!! Great start to the day!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think Milo must be wired wrong. He farts non stop. We’ve changed dog foods, given him meds from the vets.. Methane boy is unstoppable! At this point I think he has anal gills or something and farts to breath. Maybe he has lung bum?

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      1. OMFG! 🤣🤣🤣

        My aunt & uncle had a Boxer that could clear a room. And, the dog would always be startled by the noise coming out of her own butt. THEN, she would investigate her own butt, sniffing and, get up & move to get away from the smell. 🙄😄

        Liked by 1 person

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