Welcome to the latest round of The Bitchy One’s “You-Couldn’t-Make-This-Shit-Up..”
I was back in England visiting my best friend and I’d gone shopping.
While I was walking around in town I went into a sweet shop (candy store) to buy a curly wurly.
I decided I could indulge myself!
They had all kinds of retro sweets and I bought some shrimps, black jacks and fruit salads too so it was lovely!
Then it all started to go wrong.
Horribly, horribly wrong.
I saw packets of Space Dust.
Also known as Pop Rocks.
Remember that stuff?
You could put a few crystals on your tongue and it would pop and blast your teeth?!
I remember my brother pouring a whole packet into his mouth and screaming like he’d burst his bloody ear drums!!
But I disgress (nothing new there now is there?!)
I had a brainwave.
It probably wouldn’t have shown up on a scan but humour me, it’s all good (sorta)
I thought of making some fairy cakes for my friends little boys with pop rocks in them so that they would pop when they ate them!
Funny fuggin ha ha.
I wish I’d got some kind of warning when I’d added them to the batter.
If they’d fizzed a bit then I might have re thought the plan but no. That would be too easy wouldn’t it?
I put the batter into all the little bun cases and stuck it in the oven.
I was debating over icing them with sprinkles or not when all of a sudden, downtown Kabul entered the kitchen.
The noise was impressive, not just popping but floofing and flubbing and quite definite splooshing too.
The bloody stuff was exploding in the heat of the oven and taking cake mix prisoner!
I opened the oven door..
Yes you DID read that right.
I opened the bloody oven bloody door – and promptly ducked as molten cake mix missed me by a hair.
I shut the bloody oven damn quick too and turned it off!
I didn’t open it again until five minutes or so after the last flumph sounded and oh sweet mary moonshine – that oven looked like the exorcist was filmed in it.
I felt queasy looking at it and the smell of burning cake splat isn’t attractive.
I had to wait for it to cool down before I could try and get the worst off and then slather it with oven cleaner.
It was a BITCH to clean and was almost the end of my baking days I’m telling you!
Bloody kids can have sodding cosmo cupcakes next time and LIKE IT!! Pfffft!!