A good Christian would forgive you – A good Texan would just shoot you but me, I’m going to make you wish you’d never been born
Going to the loo is euphemistically called ‘spending a penny’
Spend a penny my arse!! It was 20 cents the last time I was in Galway! – The inflation of taxation on urination at the station causes indignation. Poet Laureate material right there.
Answering the phone ” XXX Police Department Fraud Division” sure has slowed down the telemarketers…
I would like to remind everyone NOT to take sleeping pills and laxatives on the same night. Just sayin’….
When I do “bad” things and talk rubbish it lets all the devilry out of me.. therefore all that is left is sweet and pure and wonderful! My words might be full of crap but I’m shiny and golden inside 😉
Hating Negativity is an oxymoron
Who thought up the Poop emoji and what kind of sicko wants their poop to have eyes and smile at you? Even worse – who the hell gives turd toys to their kids???
I won’t judge you by your age, sex or faith but I’m telling you straight – I absolutely will judge you by how you return your shopping cart to the corral
How did the makers of Jurassic World etc know what dinosaurs would sound like?
Every time you let a door close you turn it into a wall.
The question I hate most in job interviews is “What do you like doing?” I have kids and pets damnit. I like silence and going to the loo by myself.