You know how it is with serendipity don’t you?!
Once I filed for divorce my ex, Farquhar Barstardcelot, morphed into a complete bastard. He has this marvelous idea that I should stay home and look after the kids while he did his study thing and then we should get back together in 10-15 years – once the kids have left home.
Can anyone say go forth and multiply?!
Honestly, if I’d known he could be that funny before I filed.. yeah NO!
Farquhar had pulled stunts that are beyond audacious but – every dog has it’s day!
Well – A day came when the kids had a play date and I could go shopping! On my own!!
For the first time in years I bought a proper lipstick, have just been wearing lip gloss for months. A proper old fashioned waxy type lipstick.. Ester Lauder no less so mega bucks! Thrilled with my various purchases I decided it was time to get my happy azz home and start domestic goddessing before the family arrived home.
Well as luck would have it, I pressed the wrong floor button in the multi level car park and got off early. I didn’t realise my mistake until I’d walked halfway down the car park so I started trudging back grumpily to the lifts.
I wasn’t a Blissful Britchy and given the fact it was Sunday I DIDN’T swear but I did use a lot of words that sounded like Ancient Babylonian.. but I digress.
You know the Wordsworth poem? “I wandered lonely as a cloud – blah blah blah when all at once I saw an X”?
Welll… I had one of those moments.
There I was.
Despondent. Cold. Grumpy,
Practicing my conversational skills in Ancient Babylonian (which had by this time progressed to Swahili) when all at once I SWEAR I heard a host of angels singing and saw.. a mirage.
A vision of loveliness.
An opportunity for REVENGE!!!!
Yes – it was Farquhar’s Mitsubishi truck which he loved more than life itself..
As usual, he’d parked across TWO spaces like a complete KNOB so that no one else could – perish the thought – get near his pride and joy *snort*
Divine Inspiration struck and I know God isn’t keeping score on this one.
I made ALMOST the ultimate sacrifice. (It wasn’t cake)
I got the lipstick and removed the packaging. Reverently I hasten to add. This was a sacred, spiritual and reverent moment.
I wound it out a little and started to write on the drivers window (and a bit of the windscreen) “The way you’ve pulled in here makes me wish your father had pulled out”
ALL the lipstick. Every bit. Gone.
I can tell you after having “arty” kids that waxy, creamy lippy was going to be a bitch to clean off too!