Sooooo I went to Walmart yesterday. I thought it would be nice to buy some stationery (school supplies) for my nieces because they love that stuff. I can get them things here none of their friends have. It’s fun. I am not equipped for thinking OR Walmart. In spite of previous disgrace and mortification I … Continue reading Don’t Make Me Go To Walmart!!
Dear shop assistants ‘im indoors says I need a %*!#ing warning label. I think KNOW I’m in disgrace and it’s all your fault.. Y’all ask dumbass questions sometimes! Do I want my potatoes in a bag? “Are these white carrots? I can’t find white carrots” (on the scanner jobbywhatsit. They were Parsnips) “Would you like … Continue reading (Mis)Adventures In Christmas Tree Shopping
I had to go to Best Buy today as I wanted an original Samsung charger for my tablet. I went in wearing my "vegetarian vampire" shirt and this mall cop stood right in front of me stuck his thumbs in his belt all cocky and said " So what does a vegetarian vampire do then?" … Continue reading Deep Holes And Shallow Thoughts
My life has just reached a new low - I was chatted up in Walmart *sigh* "Hunka-hunka-burninlurve" INSISTED he knew me, he said he must have gone to school with me (Errrr NO!) Was I friends with X,Y or Z? NOPE!! Persistent little shitpot - then he said “Maybe I come in to where you … Continue reading Walmart Dating. Or Not..
A friend and I were out shopping this morning and got into a lift (elevator) with a guy with horrific dandruff. When he got out she turned to me and said "Someone needs to give him some head and shoulders" I've been thinking all morning and I just can't work it out.. how in HELL … Continue reading Monday Funday or Shopping Is Murder..
I was re-reading Anne of Green Gables earlier and had to smile at her "White Way Of Delight" description of blossom trees lining a road as they drove along in a pony and trap. I spent a few happy minutes thinking how nice to describe places like that. Then I went out to the kitchen … Continue reading Thinkery I have Thunkeried
I was thinking about hurricane advice and I realised, obviously it's all subjective. Stocking up on Bread and milk is NOT a good idea if you're gluten or lactose intolerant for instance.. so from there it was an easy stretch for me into how I'd 'survive' a hurricane!! Stores running out of gas,water and canned … Continue reading How I Would Get Through Hurricanes…
Make no mistake, these are NOT a few of my favorite things. This is that time of year when I just cannot overestimate the gullibility of people. Seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I love pumpkin spice - as in a mix of ginger, nutmeg and cinnamon (i leave out allspice and cloves because my pie, … Continue reading Autumn, Dark Nights and Pumpkin Spice..
I was down in NC (amongst other places) last week and I stayed with my son Fartichoke and his friends. For some obscure reason his friends love me and all have to visit every time I’m down which led to many sunrise bedtimes.. I’m getting too old for that crap! Fartichoke was telling stories of … Continue reading How I Upset EVERYONE!!
I had a lovely long conversation with Titselina Bumsqueak who reminded me of several ‘Things I Have Done’. Honestly, sometimes it feels like she just doesn’t appreciate the lengths I go to and the depths I plummet for her benefit. I was visiting her and we’d gone into the small seaside town she lives in … Continue reading How To Liven Up Grocery Shopping – Or NOT..
Inside every one of us there's a light that shines sparkles and fizzes. It doesn't matter how old you are, your weight, colour, race or IQ. We all have the ability to make someone else's day magical. I met a man today in the car park at Walmart. He was with a group of like … Continue reading When Lovely Turns Ugly
Things were going entirely too well round here. It had been days or at least hours since my last mortification - I should have known it couldn't last!! It was a "lovely" day today. Temps reached the heady heights of 58F (14C) here in the frozen Norf. I almost discarded one of my three pairs … Continue reading Loo, Loo, Skip to the Loo..
I thought of so many titles for this post. ‘Riding in Buggies with Bonnets’ was a favorite but I went with the above because it really is a synopsis of this tale! A lot of people don’t realize that NY has a very large Amish community. They’re all over the state, from the Hudson Valley … Continue reading Up Thy Butterchurn! – Or When Pennsylvania Dutch Met a Touch of the Gaelic
It was November of 2012 which you may remember, was a Presidential Election year here in the US. I hadn’t even had my green card for a year at this point but I still wanted to be a part of the Electoral Process so, I was planning to go with my husband when he went … Continue reading How Obama Broke My Bones
So..... I'd gone on a day trip to France to shop when my kids were really little, Fartichoke was only about six weeks old so Brid was just over a year old. Yes, there isn't a year between them. It explains a lot about my sanity doesn't it?! Anyway it was the end of the … Continue reading Entente UN Cordiale…
I saw an ex coworker yesterday who I haven't seen since before Christmas. He was a little upset with me. Before Christmas he was complaining about his wife. He was saying she was always bitching at him and she seemed to have PMS 24/7. (Married to him, I’m not surprised..) Naturally my sympathies were with … Continue reading You Just Can’t Help Some People!!
I would like to announce I have been good all day and haven't done or thought any bad things. I would like to announce I didn’t put a sticker on the back of ‘im indoors car saying “Passion Wagon. Don’t laugh, your daughter might be in the back” I would like to announce I haven't … Continue reading On behaving beautifully
Do you ever have one of those "you couldn't make this shit up" days? I'd parked in a multi-storey car park to “just go to Sprint” and actually managed to leave the mall a mere four hours later after a run on the stock exchange. You know? Where I trade my cash for valuable stock.. … Continue reading On Condoms, Car Parks and Paint Cans..
You know how it is with serendipity don't you?! Once I filed for divorce, my ex, Farquhar Barstardcelot, morphed into an even more complete bastard. He has this marvelous idea that I should stay home and look after the kids while he did his studly thing fornicating around the web and then we should get … Continue reading The Many Uses of Lipstick – Or The Price of Revenge…