After reading this, I know that from now on if you hear a train has been delayed, you’ll be wondering what the rotten swines of crew did!
Farquhar Bastardcelot was a train driver. He used to drive trains through the Channel Tunnel. He was a total brown nose and he found out that his supervisor had a birthday the next day. He was working nights at the time so I didn’t see him until much later in the day (Bliss!!) He gave me three hours warning that he wanted a birthday cake to take to work that night.
In that three hours I’d have to go shopping for ingredients, feed the kids and foreign language students I had staying, get the kids ready for bed and you can bet your sweet shillelagh he wasn’t going to help with anything. To say I was a little aggrieved would be no where near the mark!
I decided to make a chocolate cake. Mainly because I had about ten packets of chocolate ex-lax and a whole load of extra strength laxatives too. I had a legitimate reason for it, the change in diet caused a lot of my foreign students to get constipated so it was just easy for them if I had some in hand. I think I had about a half pound in weight in total.
So I made a chocolate cake. A very rich chocolate cake with a lot of melted chocolate, Bournville cocoa powder and coffee.
Oh, and a shit ton of ex-lax.
Unfortunate turn of phrase maybe but honest anyway.
Between the cocoa, chocolate and coffee the taste of exlax would be totally disguised in the cake. I used the ex-lax chocolate along with regular melted Bournville chocolate, vanilla extract and coffee in the frosting which I spread liberally through the three layers of cake and all over the sides and top. It was thick frosting, totally over the top and decadent – and dangerous!
Apparently all the “lads” we’re going in early and having a Chinese takeaway together ….and my cake.
So anyway, off to work he went, I settled down to an evening of tv and spider solitaire.
About 3am I got a phone call. One of his co workers was going to be dropping by in about twenty minutes. Could I sort out a change of clothes for Farquhar. I pretended to be all concerned that he was in an accident and as it happens, he was, just not vehicular! It turns out he got to France and turned back to England before getting an attack of uncontrollable diarrhea. His co worker wasn’t so lucky. He was on the outward journey. They had to deploy a train up the escape tunnel to relieve him (unfortunate expression lol) All ten of the men present had diarrhea and they were calling people in left m, right and center.
I was pretty nervous after all this. I thought I was going to be in soo much trouble and his temper was ugly. When he got home he was very sorry for himself but I was in luck. To a man they were ALL blaming dodgy Chinese food as the culprit!
I lived to bake another day and I learned my lesson too.
Nowadays I only put ex-lax in Brownies.
My Caramel Cheesecake Pretzel Brownies – sans ex-lax!!
Bitchin’ in the Kitchen 
That’s actually hilarious!! Lol good thing he ate that Chinese food too 😂
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Yes, that saved my bacon for sure lol
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Hahahaha!
I guess I won’t be asking for any of your recipes🤣🤣
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Haha!! I’m actually a pretty good cook, I was just married to a very “fisty” man at the time and it was the only way I could fight back!
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I loved the story!
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1. You are diabolical
2. Those brownies look delicious
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Those brownies were what I got when I couldn’t decide which ones to make! They turned out to be a huge success but I have to tell you, my “widow-makers” are even more deadly! I must post both those recipes 😊
As for being diabolical – sometimes, you fight back how you can 😎
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I’m no baker, but I would certainly try to make those. I think the funniest part of the story is how close you came to causing an international incident with a cake.
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I know! Shittergate 😂
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I am in awe of you!! You’re my hero!!
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Haha that’s hilarious. We did almost the exactly same thing in college with brownies.
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So now that you’ve gone public I assume ‘im and his friends all know? And do they get a wee bit nervous eating your homemade desserts?!? Yowza, girl. Creative revenge.
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He is ancient history! I’m not in touch with any of that crowd thank goodness. They were all terrible.
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Thank you for reminding me not to get on your bad side, and not to even associate myself with anyone that could be on your bad side.
Actually, your post didn’t shake any of my train thoughts. I might not touch a chocolate cake for a while, though.
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Chocolate is always the easiest to doctor – just in case you ever need to know 😉
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Puts an entirely new perspective on the term Ex Lax. Certainly creative revenge – I hope the other victims were equally deserving, though.
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The whole lot of them were cheating on their wives and were each other’s cover. They were a despicable bunch and thought themselves so clever
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Well, good on ya, then!!
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LOL! So the ex-lax caused the diarrhea? It would have been easier if you had simply bought a cake.
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