The Theory of Men or Don’t go there!

Titselina Bumsqueak and I were chatting about ex’s and how we both have ex’s called Dave. At some point in life, every single one of us knows a Dave who is a complete knobsock. We dated them, we worked with them – our lives have been blighted by a plague of Dave’s, in fact it’s becoming increasingly apparent that the only thing Dave’s are good for is – well.. nothing!

This led me down a new avenue of thought and I have a new theory about men.

Men are like vacation destinations. Let me explain.

Captain Jack Sparrow for instance, is kind of like Tahiti, exotic and mysterious and somewhere you would just LOVE to go… Phwoarrr

Jim Carrey and Robin Williams are kind of like Disneyworld. Fun for a little bit but then they get on your bloody nerves.

Tom Skerritt and Tommy Lee Jones are sort of like Ibiza. You’d have done it when you were younger but you’re past that crap now.

Then you get Dave’s …and they’re kind of like Somalia or Libya. You know where they are – but you haven’t got a clue why ANYONE would go there..

Where does your ex resemble?!

77 thoughts on “The Theory of Men or Don’t go there!

  1. Two friends of mine believe that all men called Dave or Steve are something that rhymes with Anchors. In fact they named their two Yorkshire terriers Dave and Steve, which is funny hearing them call them in the park. They say they’re the ONLY Dave and Steve that they could ever love. 😉

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  2. I want to agree with you on this one! I’ve had a plethora of Dave’s in my life and, almost all of them, have been exactly so. With the exception of one. But how else is a girl supposed to feel when it’s attached to her big brother?! I’ve also had a lot of Daniel’s in my life. David’s and Daniel’s follow me everywhere. I once worked with THREE Daniel’s in the same grocery store. We gave them all nicknames to avoid the “Daniel” of it all.

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    1. Hmm they were probably Daves in disguise! It’s tough when it’s your brother however there are small mercies. You can wedgie your brother mercilessly whereas you kind of get in trouble doing that to strangers..

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      1. Haha! He’s my older brother so I’m not sure I could do that but I can send him endless texts about how cute hippos are – practically the same thing hehe

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      2. Yes! I totally agree! But after hearing it for so many years, added to the “look at my hippo tattoo isn’t it the cutest?!” and “omg I just ordered the cutest hippo thing!” it gets quite annoying hehe

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    1. They’re sneaky too! Sometimes you get a Mark or an Andy who’s really a Dave in disguise but fear not! I’ll teach you my wanker detection technique! If you can substitute a bad word for said fellas name in any sentence… it’s a ‘Dave’!!

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      1. True, whats the female equivalent of Dave? Dorthy possibly, Darlene maybe, Danielle even? I don’t believe I have ever dated a women with a name that started with a D, with that being said, I can appreciate DDs!

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  3. lol, love this!

    I had a similar discussion with people recently about Tyler’s and how they are all “that guy.”

    We then went on a hilarious round table of “Tyler wears sunglasses at night” and “Tyler’s hat is always backwards.”

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  4. 😂😂. Too funny!! I’ve never thought about this!! Husband #1 would be Syria or Iraq – once you go there you aren’t getting out without a significant fight, after having been assaulted, tortured, and extorted. Husband #2 would be more like Switzerland- completely neutral all the time. Fire Hazard Horder is maybe like Haiti – after the earthquake. I’d have to think a bit about the others! I cannot think of any Dave’s I’ve dated…unless I’m blocking it.
    Awesome post!!!

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  5. Brilliant post Britchy!
    Admittedly l have never been out with a Dave, although l have known a few. However l have got exes that are of similiar dispositions to Daves, and we’ll call them Tracey’s – no offence to any real life Traceys here of course. However my main ex Tracey as in aka evil witch of all four corners of the planet was like something from one of the early zombie films that they used to film in Haiti, whilst the second major ex was closer to anywhere that sadly has befallen to a horrific volcanic erruption! Whilst the third ex – well l don’t think there is anywhere on this planet that she hailed from, quite possibly hell!

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  6. My two main exes remind of cheap Christmas tree decorations. All sparkly and beautiful at the beginning but rapidly losing their sheen when the realisation comes that they are in fact cheap, tacky, with no class, should never have been even contemplated and should have been ‘accidentally’ dropped many, many years earlier. Little shits. Sorry! That just popped out … 🤭🤭🤭

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  7. Oh, now here’s a double edged sword. I was only saying to my DH (named Wayne) how I have nightmares / flashbacks at my exes name, Paul, and any subsequent Paul I meet is tainted and ends up giving me the same impression. And here I’ve been for 30 years wondering if the Dave I dated earlier, and who wanted me to run away with him instead of marrying Paul, was really ‘Mr Right’ after all?! You’ve now shattered my delusions!

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  8. Mine have been Jasons. Jason is that sleazy wink across the bar, the one for whom you cover your drink with your hand when he oozes over so that he doesn’t drop a roofie in your cocktail. Ewww, Jason.

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