How I Would Get Through Hurricanes…

I was thinking about hurricane advice and I realised, obviously it’s all subjective. Stocking up on Bread and milk is NOT a good idea if you’re gluten or lactose intolerant for instance.. so from there it was an easy stretch for me into how I’d ‘survive’ a hurricane!!

Stores running out of gas,water and canned goods is bad – but as long as the liquor stores have stock we can get through this! You can keep your water, baked beans and Ritz crackers. If I have hooch, chips and chocolate I’m all set.. make sure you choc-pile the REAL necessities. Maybe I’ll add some salsa and chips too so I don’t get scurvy.. see I can be sensible!

One thing that should be noted is that Things Can Always Get Worse.

I’m a firm believer in taking fifteen pairs of knickers on an overnight trip so with that in mind, y’all might want to put this advice into practise at the first sign of a light shower. You know… Just In Case..

I sincerely hope hurricanes don’t turn into even worse events like Sharknados. That would be dreadful but Lobsternado would be worth staying put for.

Shrimpnado would be pretty good too but knowing my luck I’d get Disney-Cruise-Ship-Nado and have to endure never ending ‘Its A Small World After All’.

Note to self: Stock up on butter and cocktail sauce ingredients as well.

If I was running a generator I’d totally use it for TV and ice for my drinks. I can sit in the dark watching tv because you can’t see how much you’re guzzling in the dark ANNNND… the calories can’t see their way out of food! Win, win.

For the best hurricane experience evacuate the kids and hubby to the mother in law. The hurricane will pass very quickly for you if not for them and you’ll have the added bonus of being Really Appreciated for a few days!

It’ll kind of be a spa break. If the waters get high enough you can dangle your feet off the roof and let little fishes eat the dead skin off them like at those funky spa doo dads. DO NOT do this in the event of a Sharknado, Lobsternado or Shrimpnado though.

Fake News reporters should be strung up and shot. Seriously. Or left out as bait for the lobsternado. When they trivialise real events with lies and sensationalism they stop people leaving next time. They directly cause lives in danger or being lost. They should be culpable for manslaughter. They’d soon stop.

Looters – just shoot them. They’re the scum of the Earth and I don’t care if it’s not nice to wish people dead. If you can steal from people during life or death situations then tough shit. I hope you get shot.

Of course the added bonus with hurricanes is – work premises are all shut! It’s like extra holiday… Glamping even!

66 thoughts on “How I Would Get Through Hurricanes…

  1. I’m with you about looters and fake newsmen. When people see that kind of crap, they start ignoring it and then they start ignoring the warnings altogether and that’s just bad.

    What I’d like to see is a looter carry a big heavy box, trip into a puddle and somehow the box falls on top of them and they drown in about 3in of puddle 🙂

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  2. I’m with you on your Hurricane survival tips. I’d add a couple more items though, plenty of toilet paper and perhaps a bucket with a lid in case the toilets can’t be flushed because the water is off….that would ruin the chocolate hooch experience if your sense of smell only gets poo and urine!

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  3. hehe!! all very helpful tips for hurricane survival. I’ll make sure to remember them if I’m ever in danger of a hurricane. BUT I do have one question: what supplies does one need if they don’t drink alcohol?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha!! Omg a strawberry milkshake would be so yummy right now! But I’ve had a stomach flu all weekend so it would also be very bad haha

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Well I’ve been throw a number of them over the past 25+ years that’s how I know, it feels that way hear now it’s 88 degrees and the real feel 101 degrees from the humidity at 11am.


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  5. I stockpile TP whether storms are coming or not. Ditto paper towels & water. Costco membership.

    I’m with ya’ on saving the hooch and chocolate. I would have to add coffee. In our case, the gas stove still worked when the power was off.

    I hope no one is ever stupid enough to try and loot my house. I live with a veteran & retired cop.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Coffee is an essential, a day without coffee is like… actually I don’t know and I don’t want to! One of the things I’m looking forward to about moving to N.C. is getting a gun. NY makes it very different if you want one legally. I could go out right now and get one illegally but that’s not the kind of person I am

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I also meant to mention your ‘Cat’ meme. I noticed that it was made by an ‘NCRedNeck’. I just had to laugh!

        Growing up here, NC was always kind of neutral on the whole gun owning thing. I’m old enough to remember my classmates driving to school with rifles in the racks of their trucks…and they were loaded. If you had a handgun and you were stopped, as long as it was visible…in the seat, on the dash…cops didn’t care. NC is an open carry state. Places like Chapel Hill will give you a fit over it but, it is legal in NC.

        This might help a bit if you need any info:
        I actually got my first CCP in Texas. Theirs are eight years long. NC’s are five.

        I can’t determine when it happened, exactly but, NC removed the restriction of not being able to carry during a State of Emergency. I *think* it was right after what happened in New Orleans in 2005.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve already looked up all the rules and regulations! I intend taking a couple of classes too because good tips are never a bad thing. I have a friend who’s a sheriff in Kansas who runs them there once a month so I’m sure I’ll find one close by.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. YESSSSS about the fake news. That is just horrible.
    Then you have the real clown reporters who literally chain themselves to a building while reporting—do they get paid enough to do that? Is it worth it?
    The ones in the water just kill me—like seriously you idiots get inside where it’s safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Its A Small World After All’ Ha ha brilliant – it’s this song, this song haunted me for years and years after l first heard it, reminds me of something l must write about if l ever catch up to catch up. Disney Land Paris, my ex wife and l went there with two of her best friends’ kids and there was a water ride that you sat in a small canal boat and went round and around in bloody circles and what was playing every paddle of the way??? Yes this!! Its A Small World After All’ Haunted me it did, and every day and sometimes twice those pesky kids wanted to go on it!!!

    I am all a shudder thinking back on the creepy memory!

    However that aside, l have this post for surviving a hurricane, good to note. Now, all you need to do is surviving the Zombie apocalypse!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, l don’t think there is a true comparison, l don’t have to discuss politics to know you are probably going to win hands down 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Growing up in Florida, we never had snow days. BUT, we did have hurricane days. And you don’t have to make up for those at the end of the school year 😎 (I should be clear and say: we never got the worst of the hurricanes, thank goodness. Just blackouts for the day and lots of rain, very relaxing when you’ve got a good book and hot chocolate)

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