Never kiss frogs. They might turn into a handsome prince and who’s got time for that shit?
Being married to a “Dave” means leaving this world the way you came into it.. Screaming and covered in someone else’s blood…
Dear Sneeze, if you’re gonna happen, Happen! Don’t put a stupid look on my face and leave.
It’s not WHAT you know that counts and it’s not WHO you know that counts..
It’s what you know about who you know that counts 😉
Use what Mother Nature gave you before Father Time takes it back!
Words mean nothing unless you give them meaning
Marry a man who ruins your lipstick NOT your mascara
If you can’t do it without overpowering someone else – you’re doing it wrong.
“How to Get the Guy” would more accurately be called “How to Get A Guy, Any Guy” or better yet, “How to Cast a Great, Big, Wide Net Like the Soulless, Whoring Sea Donkey That You Are.””
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
And finally, telling a cop “I paid for the whole speedometer so I get to use the whole speedometer’ will NOT get you out of a ticket…