Tonight I asked ‘im indoors what he wanted to take to work for his lunch tomorrow.
“Oh ….anything” he said offhandedly.
I was quite peeved by this but – I had a golden moment. One of those moments where instead of going ballistic faster than the speed of light I actually stopped myself – and thought – and decided to turn this into a lesson on consideration for others. Specific others. Namely, sweet little me!
This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this exact position. Many moons ago and half a world away Farquhar Bastardcelot (see Cast of Characters) learned the same lesson.
As did his brother, Bilious Bollockchops, who was living with us at the he time.
I was the dummy who was making packed lunches for both of them daily and it got tiring thinking of what to make and honestly, I got bloody narked when I’d ask what they wanted for lunch and all the input I got back got was “Oh, anything”
One day I’d had REALLY had enough. I was tired, I was feeling sick, (morning sickness. I was expecting Princess PITA) and I just wanted someone to say “make this” so I didn’t have to think but nooo – and that was the “Oh Anything” that broke the camels back. I had the stinkin’ hump and as you’ve all come to realise, that never bodes well for anyone in my line of sight!
I got out a loaf of French bread. I cut it into quarters and buttered it. I sliced cheese, tomatoes, cucumber and onion, I got pre sliced ham out of the fridge.
I got shoe polish from under the sink.
I got toothpaste from the bathroom.
No expense was spared, this wasn’t any old cheap crap. This was Kiwi shoe polish and Colgate toothpaste!
I polished one side of the bread and tooth pasted the other then I lovingly filled the sandwiches and wrapped them in cling film. They were works of art if I say so myself. Actually all Farquhar’s workmates envied him his lunches – up to this point anyway!
I filled croissants with chocolate spread, gentleman’s relish and garlic mayo. (Instead of their usual Nutella and marshmallow fluff) I added a couple of lightly vinegar’d cupcakes and et voila! Lunch was served.
I was home before the Brothers Grim the next day and you know what? I think they’d had a rough day. I thought I knew an awful lot of swear words but goodness gracious, there were a few I’d never heard! They were quite adamant that they didn’t want me cooking dinner that night so we had fish and chips – yet another win for me!
You know what else? They never EVER said “Oh anything” to me again either. Take it from me, it’s a successful lesson when you only have to teach it once.
Which brings me back to ‘im indoors.
Tomorrow he has a nutritionally balanced reminder to be specific when requesting feeding! I hope he enjoys his sandwiches with marshmallow fluff instead of mayo. Unlike the Brothers Grim he’s not stupid enough to think I won’t have messed with everything so that’s the only “creative” offering I’ve made him. I’ve also wrapped a note in cling film and put it IN his sandwich.
It said “well you asked for ANYTHING”
Bet he doesn’t need to learn twice either!