My Career as a Scammer Exterminator

~ the britchy one

I absolutely love cold sales/scam calls. I can mess with their heads for hours. I thought I must be blacklisted because I haven’t had one in ages but there was a computer dialer at the end of the rainbow and last night ended my dry spell.

I got a call from someone overseas – you could tell by the poor English and the scripted conversation.

“Hi this is David (wouldn’t you *@%#ing know it) I set you up with anti virus a few months ago do you remember?”

BAM!!! I’m in!!

“David? I thought your name was Peter”

“Yes, I’m David Peter”

Smooth – I’ll give him that. One more little check..

“So you’re from ‘theres-always-one.com’ ?”

“Yes!! You have a good memory!!”

No twat – but when you call anyone else and say where you’re from there’s a bloody good chance they’ll know you’re a lying scammer!!

So he carries on. “I just wanted to check and see how you’re getting on. I can log into your computer remotely and check its all good from here. Are you online?”

So I said no, I’d left my charger at work and my lap top was dead so he said he’d call back today….

So no surprises really. Dumvid called me back just a short while ago.

“Hi this is David, I’m calling you back about your computer”

“Oh lovely!! I’m so glad – I don’t really understand all that tinternetty stuff”

“That’s okay I can help – I just need your credit card number so I can access the software” REALLY DICKHEAD?!! I might have been born at night but it wasn’t last night!!

So I made up a CC number. I can’t remember all of it but 8675309 was in there lol (and you’re welcome for that little ear worm!!) I made up a CVV # and expiry date too and, surprise, surprise – it didn’t work.

He asked me to check the number and I said “oh no, I know it’s right. It was given to me by the FBI”

I went on to say “My country and your country are collaborating on cracking down online fraud. After you called yesterday I had the FBI put a trace on my line. The number I gave you is a reverse worm that is automatically clearing the account you are connected to and that money is being used to prosecute online scammers. They know exactly where you are so expect a visit any minute.. ”

Then he hung up on me! He went to change his trousers I expect!

Just call me MOAB 😇

Published by the britchy one

A PROUD American Citizen who was born and bred in England and now resides in the US. I’m married to an American who really didn’t have a clue what he was letting himself in for - poor sod! I’m a cranky bitch who loves cats and books and hates chocolate, politics and Dave’s. Oh and mosquitos. I hate those blood sucking parasites but since I’ve already mentioned politics I’m repeating myself! I’m a short, skinny redhead, 3 kids, 2 dogs, not enough cats and a mouth with a death wish. Blood group - certifiable.

55 thoughts on “My Career as a Scammer Exterminator”

  4. Hahaha! 😁😁😁you are so much fun. He deserved it. You remind me of my dad, he used to love messing with their heads as well. You are an evil genius and I adore it!

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      2. I fixed them good. I think to this day they think they were cursed by an Irish witch! I set his cell phone to no incoming calls too and filtered all emails from unknown senders into a junk folder so that pretty much fixed the problem without taking his dignity away

        Liked by 1 person

      3. They do prey on those most vulnerable. I am so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. That is awful. Your frightfully witty tongue is doing the world an enormous favour!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. THIS. This is why I hate those people, I had a family member in a similar situation get prayed on as well (“preyed” is 100% the correct word BTW). Those people are scum.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Damn I love your wit!! And now I can’t stop singing 8675309!! I used to page my chief resident to that number all the time. But when it shows up 867-5309 it catches you off guard. He would get mad that the number wasn’t working (me giggling the whole time) I’d ask “what’s the number?” As soon as he started saying it, he got it. Fell for it every time!

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  31. hahahahahahahhahahaha this is straight up bitchin!!!!! I laughed more than I should and then I had to explain why I was laughing and now everyone is laughing….. What larks!!!!!!!!

    ~B

    PS I should remember this line steals it for future reference:
    ” I might have been born at night but it wasn’t last night”

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      1. In the spirit of this lunacy, I just got a phone call from the bank asking me to verify my mobile phone banking transaction

        I dead serious said BEEP BEEP BOOP…

        you are a bad influence lmao
        ~B

        Liked by 1 person

  32. Pingback: Friday Follows – My Career as a Scammer Exterminator – Bitchin in the Kitchen – makeyourownhomeblog

  33. Bitchin in the Kitchen – That was GOLD!!! I discovered your blog this morning and now spent my whole morning bingeing on your posts…Love your Blog!! I have shared this one on my site for my Friday Follows Post…Thanks for the laughs!! Keep up the entertaining writing….

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