The Emu and The MOAB (Mother Of All Britchy’s!)

Many years ago my parents had a country hotel. We had several animals ranging from miniature Shetland’s and Falabella’s through to a retired cart horse. We had two dogs, a three legged cat, peacocks, rare breed ducks, geese, chickens - I called them Mexican racing chickens because those little buggers never laid a single egg! … Continue reading The Emu and The MOAB (Mother Of All Britchy’s!)

The Bathroom Bandit Strikes Again – ‘im Indoors Has Nothing To Go On.

Quelle surprise!! Il pleut 💦💧⛈💧💦 Le foook. ..It’s probably a judgment on me so anyone in upstate NY getting saturated today - mea culpa. Yes I’ve been a bad Britchy. After my latest prank I’m also an itchy Britchy and I feel very crawly with good reason! Read on.. Firstly I’m going to pretend I … Continue reading The Bathroom Bandit Strikes Again – ‘im Indoors Has Nothing To Go On.

Ratface, Ozzy And The TomTom – Or Where To Go And How To Get There.

After Ratface Wrinkle- Winkle and I separated I quite enjoyed having a free babysitter! It was nice to get the occasional night off! He wasn’t very good about having them so I made the most of when he did. On this one particular occasion I was looking forward to a nice long bath without interruptions. … Continue reading Ratface, Ozzy And The TomTom – Or Where To Go And How To Get There.

Fisher Price and Mattel – or How I Learned The Importance Of Phrasing In Google Searches..

Who remembers way back in the olden days - those prehistoric times when we had dial up modems - 28.8 was scorchingly fast. Windows 95 was the hot ticket, Netscape and ICQ - It was the Bronze Age Of Internet-ery and no one wanted to admit to being online as the internet was only for … Continue reading Fisher Price and Mattel – or How I Learned The Importance Of Phrasing In Google Searches..

In The Still Of The Night… The Coincidence Of Night, Fright and Shite Rhyming!

Inspiration can strike at the strangest times really. Great Ideas can come to you when you least expect it and I’ve learned opportunity seldom knocks twice. Let no shenanigans go to waste are words to live by. Ratface Wrinkle-Winkle was a man of few talents but prodigious regularity. Rainman was an amateur compared to old … Continue reading In The Still Of The Night… The Coincidence Of Night, Fright and Shite Rhyming!

The Ex Files Or How To REALLY Live Your Dreams..

We’re going on a trip in the way back machine today! Fasten your seatbelts and refrain from smoking whilst we prepare for Blast Off.. Sit back comfortably but don’t go to sleep because, well, things can happen in dreams and real life simultaneously. You didn’t know that? Get yourself some caffeine and I’ll explain. Farquhar … Continue reading The Ex Files Or How To REALLY Live Your Dreams..

Why Do We Need To Let Other People Own Their Feelings?

This isn’t my work – I’m reblogging this post from another blogger because I find it so relatable and I know a lot of you are going to read this nodding your heads in agreement too.

Julie de Rohan

You’re about to send an email and you’re re-reading it for the tenth time to make absolutely sure there’s nothing in it that could be misconstrued and cause offence.   Then you check it another ten times after you’ve sent it – just in case…

You bump into a friend in the street.  As you walk away, you replay the conversation over and over in your head trying to work out if you said anything “wrong”.  You’re still rerunning the conversation in your head as you lie in bed that night…

A work colleague seems a bit off with you.  You instantly rack your brain to recall your most recent interactions with them.  You spend the day desperately trying to work out what you did to upset them so you can apologise and make things right…

Sound familiar?

On the whole, people with emotion-driven overeating issues are a sensitive bunch.  We…

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Everything You Never Wanted To Know – The In’s And Out’s Of A Ducks Arse

I was challenged by A Guy Called Bloke to take part in a new challenge, The Friday Funday Challenge – Game On – You Name It! Or, as I'm calling it "Everything You Never Wanted To Know - The In's And Out's Of A Ducks Arse" Here's how he described it: We all like a … Continue reading Everything You Never Wanted To Know – The In’s And Out’s Of A Ducks Arse

Her? Oh She’s All Fur Hat and No Knickers… And Marmite.

At some point in our lives we’re all going to have one of ‘those’ friends. The ‘keeping up appearances’ type. Shallow as a puddle in the Sahara. The sort for whom image is everything. I don’t know if they are really insecure or totally oblivious but the fact remains, which ever it is they’re BLOODY … Continue reading Her? Oh She’s All Fur Hat and No Knickers… And Marmite.

Pop Rocks Part.. Number Two..

And here we are again. Throw Back Thursday.. Where has this week GONE?! We’re rapidly sliding into July and all the fun that goes with the 4th – I can’t wait! While we’re waiting, I hope you enjoy this tale of mayhem at Casa Del Britchy!!

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

You’d think I’d be banned from buying pop rocks after the Beirut Buns Incident but no.. So, as you’d expect, I bought more!

I couldn’t think what to do with them. It was a little upsetting. No kids at home at the moment, it’s just me and ‘im indoors. And the animals. The two cats. Specifically Prader Willi and HellBoy.

Both cats are indoors only. Both were from feral mothers and both have FIV. They have a very pampered life and frankly, the fat little porkers are severely obese (but we don’t say that out loud as it hurts ‘im indoors feelings)

Pop Rocks.

It’s a challenge at times to get these two sedentary shit machines to exercise. The laser pen, bits of string, wind up mice… even my blood curdling screams barely get them to raise an eye lid. This is particularly upsetting as I’m very proud of my…

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Having Coffee With Hermione Granger

I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed this interview. It was delightful. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Isabella Hume

I’d spoken to Ms. Granger’s secretary to arrange the meeting with her. I’d been a little dubious about the phone number I’d been given to call – I didn’t think wizards and witches had phones – but nonetheless it had connected and I’d spoken to a very kind gentleman on the other end. He’d requested that I would swing by to her office, as it was improbable that she would have time to step away, being as busy as she was. I agreed, because I would do whatever it took to have coffee with one of the most famous literary figures in existence.

I had been given rather odd instructions about heading to a phone box in a rather run down area of London. Not being from the capital it took me a while to find it (I got off one tube stop too early and had to walk further…

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Callously Ended – An unkind poem.

As you all know, I’m not much of a poetry lover. I am however a huge fan of Dorothy Parker, Noel Coward and Kristian. I defy you to read this without imagining a Noel Coward play with Fred Astaire. Kristian has a phenomenal talent for just about any genre and I didn’t think he could surprise me any more. I expect excellence from him – I didn’t expect this and I’m honestly thrilled

Tales from the mind of Kristian

This is an unkind poem inspired by the prompt words:

Word of the Day: Dalliance

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/06/21/dalliance/

Three things Challenge: Puffer Fish, Soul, Staring

https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/06/21/three-things-challenge-21-june-2018/

This is not a reflection of my character and I hope no one ever says anything this unkind to you. 

So you thought this was love?

Good heavens above!

But I never said it was so.

It was just a dalliance

a one off alliance

now it’s time for you to go.

OK, so I’m cold

and callous, unfeeling

Maybe I just have no Soul

I never promised you more,

you’re being a bore,

I never wanted that role. 

You got it all wrong, 

You need to be strong

You really need to let go.

Stop staring at me

now you’ve paid your fee

make like a puffer fishand blow. 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 21/June/2018

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The Many Uses of Lipstick – Or The Price of Revenge…

It’s Thursday so time for a throwback to a time when, well, I may NOT have been the perfect little angel I am now…

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

You know how it is with serendipity don’t you?!

Once I filed for divorce, my ex, Farquhar Barstardcelot, morphed into an even more complete bastard. He has this marvelous idea that I should stay home and look after the kids while he did his studly thing fornicating around the web and then we should get back together in 10-15 years – once the kids have left home.

Can anyone say go forth and multiply?!

Honestly, if I’d known he could be that funny before I filed.. yeah NO!

Farquhar had pulled stunts that are beyond audacious but – every dog has it’s day and it was mine.

The kids had a play date AT SOMEONE ELSES HOUSE! Not mine for once and holy debit cards – I could go shopping! On my own!! No flippin’ ankle-snappers!

I had a lovely time, no whining, no tale-telling.. no losing kids and for…

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The Pint and The Pickle

Here we are on Throw Back Thursday with a Public Service Announcement – if you ever meet a man with a green dilly dangler.. run!!

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

Some of you may have read the Ladeez night story and wondered what happened to Titselina Bumsqueak’s ex. We fixed Fat Sharon but what about TB’s ex? Percy Pickle?

They say confession is good for the soul – well… I guess it’s time for a spot of spiritual harmony!

So where did we leave off? Pretty much with the scant info that Fat Sharon had been playing “hide the sausage” with TB’s boyfriend, Percy Pickle.

Obviously our first instinct was to wallop him with a baseball bat. However, frankly, there isn’t enough cake in the world to give us the calories we’d have expended on doing the job right.

Time for Plan B.

B for Bitches heh, heh.

We decided we’d give him a night to remember so the three of us headed out to the pub. We’d deliberately planned it so he left his car at home and TB…

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Things I want my kids to know..

It’s TBT and time for me to do the green thing and regurgitate one of my old posts! I hope you enjoy 😊

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

I was pretty sick for a good bit of last year. I started thinking about stuff I wished I told my kids, funny stories, advice, encouragement… not to eat yellow snow. You know how it goes.

I started a list with this title and promptly went no further. Recently, randomly, I thought of it again so here it is.

An ongoing list in no particular order .. but a start..

Be wary of any group, political party, religion, or individual who claim’s to have all the answers. No one has all the answers. People who make these statements will only lead you into trouble. Anything you can’t question, or can’t get an answer to – isn’t right.

Learn about the world. School will give you limited information, with most of it slanted towards the teachers beliefs. Always look for more information, the opposite view. Structure your opinion on YOUR conclusions…

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The Out Patient Appointment..

It’s TBT and here’s a trip back to London and yet another of my infamous run ins with Doctors…

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

Growing up under the NHS in London was great. Until it wasn’t.

Raging Despots of Doctors receptionists. Doctors with God complex’s. Nurses who idolised the piggin’ idiots and made them even more delusional if possible!

Oh and let’s not forget the ever present cup of tea. I’m quite sure they even stopped operations for surgeons to have their tea break!

It all climaxed with us, the patients being a bit of a bloody nuisance if anything. I definitely felt treated as a convenience or tool of the trade by some.

This resulted in some embarrassing situations! As I got older, there were more toe curling episodes for them as I grew into my attitude but as a young girl, well – if we’re telling embarassing stories here goes.. it’s hard to pick just one isn’t it?!

When I was 19 I had to see a specialist for “Wimmins problems” and…

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Axis of Evil Cupcakes.

It’s TBT so I’m sharing one of my pre dawn posts with you all. Happy one-more-day-until-the-weekend!!

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

*Sigh*

Welcome to the latest round of The Bitchy One’s “You-Couldn’t-Make-This-Shit-Up..”

I was back in England visiting my best friend and I’d gone shopping.

While I was walking around in town I went into a sweet shop (candy store) to buy a curly wurly.

I decided I could indulge myself!

They had all kinds of retro sweets and I bought some shrimps, black jacks and fruit salads too so it was lovely!

Then it all started to go wrong.

Horribly, horribly wrong.

I saw packets of Space Dust.

Also known as Pop Rocks.

Remember that stuff?

You could put a few crystals on your tongue and it would pop and blast your teeth?!

I remember my brother pouring a whole packet into his mouth and screaming like he’d burst his bloody ear drums!!

WUSS!!

But I disgress (nothing new there now is there?!)

I had a brainwave.

It probably wouldn’t…

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Spa Daze

My little mini minx has been AWOL. She's been at the car spa for a makeover... us ladeez like that kinda crap y'know. Well I finally got my Mini back! I hate driving the van - it's like driving a sofa. It's crap at cornering, doesn't like high speeds and it's a *horror of horrors*... … Continue reading Spa Daze

If Music be the Food of Love?

I’m having a throw back Thursday and reblogging a post frombefore I had any followers 😊

Bitchin’ in the Kitchen

China in your hand by T’Pau and So Amazing by Luther Vandross

Two songs that I’ll never forget as they caused my dad to cut the plug off my record player!

My best friend and I had been on one of our weekly nights out.

By that I mean it was a weeknight because we were out seven nights a week!

Anyway we were home by 3am and in my room having an autopsy of the night.

….Why she danced with THAT minger.

….Why I let creepy guy buy us both a drink.

….Why we both had to climb out the toilet window AGAIN!

Not an unusual occurrence for us!

Actually a few years ago they were knocking one of our favorite haunts on the Old Kent Road in London.

I was very tempted to ask the builders for the toilet window for old times sake but wasn’t sure if…

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The Joy of Sex – or How to Get Clucked by Your Healthcare Plan.

Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing, For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth, Boil and bubble I’m really not too sure about these generic meds under Obamacare... I have a dreadful attitude towards doctors. According … Continue reading The Joy of Sex – or How to Get Clucked by Your Healthcare Plan.

Be a Virus

I was asked a question recently after spending a great deal of time helping someone with a problem they just couldn’t understand. It was.. challenging and I’ll be honest, very annoying because it was really simple. Eventually I found a way to help them understand thankfully. Afterwards I was asked why I bothered, “it wasn’t … Continue reading Be a Virus

Up Thy Butterchurn! – Or When Pennsylvania Dutch Met a Touch of the Gaelic

I thought of so many titles for this post. ‘Riding in Buggies with Bonnets’ was a favorite but I went with the above because it really is a synopsis of this tale! A lot of people don’t realize that NY has a very large Amish community. They’re all over the state, from the Hudson Valley … Continue reading Up Thy Butterchurn! – Or When Pennsylvania Dutch Met a Touch of the Gaelic

My Recommended Blog of the Day – 03/29/18

I decided I wanted to create my own form of recognition. Not linked to anyone else’s rules. Not one that requires the recipient to do anything. Just something from me to you that’s a heartfelt and sincere appreciation of the entertainment, enlightenment and empathy I’ve come to expect. I intend posting these recommendations twice a … Continue reading My Recommended Blog of the Day – 03/29/18

My Recommended Blog of the Day – 03/21/18

I’ve decided I want to create my own form of recognition. Not linked to anyone else’s rules. Not one that requires the recipient to do anything. Just something from me to you that’s a heartfelt and sincere appreciation of the entertainment, enlightenment and empathy I’ve come to expect. I intend posting these recommendations two or … Continue reading My Recommended Blog of the Day – 03/21/18